How to deal with pressure with sex?

Question

I've had sex with three different people, and while I can't say that I didn't enjoy it in some form, I sort of regret doing it. Events in my life led up to me giving my virginity, as before I had thought to wait until marriage. Now I feel like I want to wait again but my best friend doesn't agree. She said she used to think I would end up a 40 year old virgin. But also I worry about guys who won't accept, knowing that previously I did have sexual relations with other men. I'm really at a loss as to what to do.

Answer 1

If guys are really interested in you and not sex, then they should be perfectly fine with you wanting to wait again. You can't help your past, so I don't think a worthy guy would hold it against you. But make sure when you talk about past sex experience that you let him know that you have had sex but you are choosing to wait... it's really your choice, not your best friend's or anyone else's. Do what you want to do, and there are guys that will respect that.

Answer 2

Sex should always be a matter of personal choice. If you are feeling pressured, realize that some of that is a little imbalance between the male and female wiring. Boys are, in my opinion, more revved up sexually, almost certainly when you are younger, and probably right on into middle and old age too. Don't cave in to pressure, but on the other hand don't deny your own desires either. Don't shame a guy because he wants sex. God made him that way.

All people who are having sex should be responsible and well-informed on the risks of pregnancy and disease and steps that can be taken to avoid each. People of both genders need to be aware of the consequences of unwanted pregnancies. Boys in particular need to know that once someone is pregnant, they no longer get a vote in the matter, and they can have a lifetime of obligation with no post-pregnancy exit and whether they want it or not.

I cannot speak for all men, and I may not be in the majority here, but I would have absolute zero interest in trying for a long-term relationship with someone who was a virgin. I would feel that as a man there would be no way I could compete with the fantasy images of sex and love that are rife in women's trash/romance novel literature, daytime serials or television and movies. Give me someone who has been through a real relationship or 12 and understands what real men are like any day of the week. At least that's me.

If your guy has a self-esteem problem to start with, he might attach negatively to the fact that you have been with other guys. But if he has a self-esteem problem to start with, you probably do too, and you guys will be in for a pretty crummy relationship, with or without a hymen.

Look, you're not a virgin, he's probably not a virgin so now if you hook up . . . and stay hooked up . . . maybe it's because you actually like each other and feel like the other one adds something to your life. Not some sense of guilt or obligation just because you had sex with him, or he with you or he was your first or whatever.

A relationship based on free choice and mutual benefits and appreciation. What a concept.

It might even last.

Answer 3

First of all, you won't end up a 40 year old virgin because your not a virgin anymore. And if guys won't accept your decision, then don't give them a second look, cuz that means they are only after one thing. You can still go back with wait until marriage thing, because you want a man to love you for you, not for the sex.

Answer 4

Wait a minute...1st of all...why would they know if you have had sex before? If you discuss you sexual past with your current boyfriends...why? It is no ones business and they shouldn't be insecure enough to ask you about it.

2nd, no one that cares about you would ever pressure you into having sex. When you begin the relationship just be honest and tell them that you are waiting for marriage. If they can't handle that or try to pressure you you need to be dating someone else.

Answer 5

I don't really know of any guy that wouldn't marry a girl because she wasn't a virgin. I don't think you should continue to have sex though if you're no longer comfortable with it. There's nothing wrong with you. A lot of girls, especially ones that become Christian follow the same path... they were sexually active, joined the church, and decided to become celebate until marriage.

Answer 6

You need to become stronger in yourself, and not give in to the pressure. Most guys (not all) only care about one thing: S-E-X. Be very choosey about whom you go out with. You may not date as much, but you'll feel better about yourself. You're letting these horny men drag you down. It's not bad to have premarital sex; it's whom you're choosing to have it with that's making you regret it.

Answer 7

Let straighten something out for you. Sex, is to make babies. Do you want babies.. I doubt it. So unless you want to be miserable and depressed being a single mom because you did a stupid thing, I wouldn't have sex just because you like it. Oh and P.S your friend is an idiot so don't listen to her!!!

P.S.S Merry christmas and a happy New Year!!

Answer 8

listen to me very carefully.
your (best) friend is wrong.

your body is yours and your decision to wait on having sex is totally okay.

the guys who will try and force you to have sex really don't care much for you anyway so saying no to them is a good thing.

and, contrary to popular beliefs, mr right is still out there.

work on you. find out and do what you want. everything else will fall into place.

Answer 9

if dont want to have sex thats up to you dont let anyone talking you into it and you will not be a 40year old virgin because guys like to be with a virgin just make it you decide it on your own dont let anyone push you into it

Answer 10

if u feel bad abt it, try to repent and promise urself not to do it again. it is better to keep it for after marriage, it wud be a lot more special. dont think its too late cuz uve already done so and so, u can always start a new life...