There is a friend well not really friend anymore that has been making it her mission to try to be equal or better than me in parenting. (I mean seriously this is so immature) I had my son about a week after she found out she was pregnant and that is when the trouble started, everything during her pregnancy was over played badly. I had a c-section so she was determined to have one as well so when she went into labor she refused to push so she had to have a c-section. Once the baby was born she asked if she could have my son's crib (BTW he was only 9 months old when her son was born) and she wanted his old clothes I told her no I was still using the crib and I didn't want to lend out his clothes i wanted to keep them. She got pissed and started spreading nasty rumors about my husband ( who lent them money when they were short) and me and saying just horrible things. Now it seems like she has to be two steps ahead of me in everything. I went out and bought my son all new stuff
2006-12-23 16:41:34 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
for my son such as a pack and play, highchair, swing and some new clothes and she got pissed because i bought that and she couldn't afford it and so she started to down talk me and my family some more (we live in a small town so the rumors do affect us because everyone knows everyone) How do i get her to stop, I don't talk to her all the time but when she hears things she starts back up again, she went as far as saying that she was going to call CYS on me to get my son taken off of me because we refused to give her and her husband 300 dollars to keep them from getting evicted when we had already lent them so much money PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS, I AM SO TIRED OF MOTHERHOOD BEING A COMPETITION WITH HER, if we have the money is it wrong we buy our son nice things even though they can't afford things like that??
2006-12-23 16:45:09 · update #1
Her and I used to be friends but all of what she is doing now is making me not like her anymore (obviously) but it makes me mad that just because we want to buy our son nice things we are made to feel guilty about it, I hear it from her and from other friends of mine that associate with her, I shouldn't feel guilty over wanting my son to have nice things or nice clothes it is not my fault that her husband gets fired from every job he works at and she is working a minimum wage job and barely keeping her head above water. She always tries to degrade me and my family to others that I haveknown my whole life and make us sounds like horrible parents
2006-12-23 16:50:40 · update #2
joe_rocket_81 - if you don't like my question please move onto another one. I don't need your negative energy don't make assumptions on something you don't know exactly what is going on, I am in my 20's happily married and very very content with my life, but it makes things kind of hard when we live in a small community where everyone knows everyone and everyone talks to each other and I have to hear from other people what is being said, I dont want my husbands good name tarnished with negativity from an immature person that is why I am concerned about it, so please don't make assumptions I would appreciate it!
2006-12-23 16:55:24 · update #3
You're giving her way too much power over you and your family.
This is obviously a toxic relationship you don't need but you are the only one who can put a stop to it. It's like putting up a wall in your mind. You have to stop thinking about her, stop worrying about what she says about you, stop interacting with her and if other friends or family bring up her name, just put your hand up with a smile and tell them you're not interested.
You also have to stop talking about her in any way. That's hard to do when it's clear that she's hurt you but until you completely get over your relationship with her, she still has power over you and your family.
Enjoy your son and your husband without the intrusion of this relationship and your burden will be a lot lighter!
2006-12-23 16:57:13 · answer #1 · answered by Canadian_mom 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I'm sorry. The last thing you need right now is to let this kind of immaturity into your life. Look, you're a mom now. All you need to focus on is YOUR family. That consists of your son and your husband. It's time to start putting things into perspective, especially when others can't.
1 - you know you're a good mother
2 - you know that it's no one's business what you do with your hard earned money
3 - life is too short to complicate it with other people's issues (no matter how small your small town is)
I would simply cut off communication with this person. Don't make a big issue about it. Just don't return phone calls. Say hi if you seem them , but don't engage in conversation. If she tries to start up conversation say something like, "sorry, I've got to go check on blah, blah, blah." or " can we talk about this later, i really need to find a ladies room."
As, far as her threatening you with getting your son taken away, I would keep a log of when she's said those things and what she was trying to blackmail you with. Then let her call child services. IF they come around, one - they won't find anything wrong, and 2 - you have a log of this woman's irrational threats.
Lastly, there is no competition. If she wants to say she's a better mom, tell her she is. If she wants to bad mouth you because she's angry and immature, let her. You know who you are. Find the strength in knowing that the problem is hers. By worrying about her, you make her craziness YOUR responsibility. Let it go. You can't control what she does, but you CAN control how you react to her - or better yet, how you DON'T react to her.
For the sake of your son and your sanity, ignore it until it goes away.
Good luck!
2006-12-23 17:12:11 · answer #2 · answered by coco 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your ex-friend is EXTREMELY JEALOUS of you, your husband and your son. Don't give her any of your son's belongings, or loan her money. Also, don't give her the time of day. She is so envious of you and what you and your spouse can provide for your son. She and her baby's father need to get their lives together and they can do the same for their child. Continue being a great mother and provider for your son. I would also advise you to cut the friendship because she is not your friend. You're a mother now, and you don't have time for her foolishness. She obviously wants your life. As I said, don't give her anything and don't take anything from her. It's too bad that friends turn on you in this way, but they do. They show their true colors sooner or later. When they do, you cut all ties and move on with your life and don't look back. Good Luck!
2006-12-23 17:05:38 · answer #3 · answered by Sunshine 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I loved Canadian_mom and Coco's answers and I agree with them both 100%
The main thing is to cut this person out of your life all together and stop paying any attention to her what-so-ever. I firmly believe that we attract unto ourselves what we give our attention to, good or bad.
Don't think about her because she is inconsequential to you and your family's lives. You owe her nothing. Don't bad mouth her either if other people bring her up in conversation. As someone else suggested, simply raise your hand and say politely that you don't wish to discuss her at all. If you see her be polite but brief saying something like "Sorry I can't chat I have to be....., so nice to see you, have a great day." All other communication should simply be ignored. Don't read e-mails, notes or letters, don't take phone calls (don't you LOVE call display?) and certainly don't give her money or give in to her blackmail and threats. Don't give her another thought at all.
Eventually, people will notice this much more than they will notice anything she has to say about you. People are smart and they will clue in soon that she is simply a bitter woman. And they will treat anything she has to say accordingly.
Good luck!
2006-12-23 17:30:52 · answer #4 · answered by LindaLou 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look, without knowing anymore
about you or your life I've got two
things to say.
1. You don't need a friend like that.
2. The reason I feel she might
be behaving this way is, and I
hope I'm wrong, but she may
feel you and your husband owe
her. The reason I say this again
I hope I'm wrong is because she
might have had an affair with your
husband.
I'm only basing that on what you've
said and by reading between the
lines. I'm sorry if I'm wrong or right.
2006-12-23 16:50:17 · answer #5 · answered by Semaj S 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well, see if this sounds familiar..... I also live in a very small town. (hick town----- full of red-necks) , My husband passed away, and his daughter (has twins) is sooooo jealous of my kids and the relationship my husband (her dad) had with them..... She only wanted her dad to love her and her twins... ONLY THEM ! I'm a Trooper, so everyone knows me..... You say, or do something at the North end of town, and before you drive to the South, everyone knows the story......... She called my place of employment (state post), and said I was the reason her dad died ! She said I was a bad mom, she has reported me, you name it, shes tried and done ! So, I don't like DRAMA AT ALL.... I don't lie, and get off on all this crazy sh*t !!! I went to her.... I said DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME AND MY KIDS ??!!!! SHE SAID UUU H UUH UUHHH WELL NO....... (STUPID B !) I SAID OK........ WHY DID YOU SAY ~~ X, Y, AND Z THEN ??!!!! SHE CLAIMED SHE DIDN'T...... SO, MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT....... I CALLED 2 OF THE PEOPLE THAT CLAIMED SHE MADE THE REMARKS....... WHEN CONFRONTED, SHE ADMITTED IT......... I asked her for the proof...... Wheres it at ??!!! I said do you know that's SLANDER !!!!!????!!!!! I haven't heard another word out of her.............
2006-12-25 06:22:12 · answer #6 · answered by Missy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, my bf and i can't afford brand new things for our children most of the time, but that doesn't mean that someone who can shouldn't. shoot, if someone who can afford it, buys something really nice for their child and then later, they give it away (or garage sale), maybe i'll get it on down the road before it gets too worn out. but to expect something for nothing from someone still using it? that's retarded. and to not be someones friend when they have their own family to take care of, and they've already given me so much? that's asinine. she seems like poison. let her call cys. are they going to find anything wrong with your home? are they going to find signs of abuse? if the answer is no, then you have nothing to worry about. infact, the more she makes false accusations on you to them, the less inclined they'll be to ever believe her in any situation. it also raises a red flad with them about the type of person she is and most likely they'll end up keeping their eye on her, not you. also, in some places, there are penalties for giving false accusations, especially if it's repeatedly.
you're the better person here and while it's frustrating, she's just being a bunch of words i can't use on here.
2006-12-23 16:57:10 · answer #7 · answered by Mommyof4 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
it sounds cliche, but ignore the b*tch...ESPECIALLY since shes so damn hung up on you...that will bother her the most...and let her struggle with her own issues..at home...without you...and do NOT worry about her reporting you for THAT!! NO judge is going to look twice at her...what they might say is something like " who the heII do you think you are, asking a new mom for $300" and maybe something like " keep 500 feet from her AND her husband at all times" lol....forget her, worry about the GOOD friends that you have and WHEN SOMEONE comes to you with some info about what the b*tch says, or rumors they may have heard...honestly hun....tell them its fine that she says things like that...but your very busy..thank them for the concern but your NOT interested..there are more important things that you are currently dealing with....they will then realize that she is lying, you are above it and NOT interested...and she';ll be made to look like the fool-on her own....good luck and just forget her...merry xmas!!
2006-12-23 17:29:28 · answer #8 · answered by thatgirluknow 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i"m sorry for your situation, is there a way you could move away from that area,?, it sas bad naighbours, brings bad to you, but if you cant maybe you can try sending her masseges to stop doing all this & stop acting like a baby, without her knowing that the massege comes from you, & than try confronting her in private asking her wye she is doing this to you, & if possible tape those conversations down, & if it dosn,t help tell her that you will go to the midia, or that you will tell everybody in the village about it with these tapes, which if what you are saying is truth there will be stuff she would'nt like to be published, & hopefully that would make her quiet, but don,t forget try the good way first, good luck & should god be with you,
2006-12-23 17:14:37 · answer #9 · answered by M.J. 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
With people like her, it's best to cut off all communication. How does she know you are buying new things for your baby? I'd write off the loans made to help them out financially and just ignore her. The rest of the people in your community will eventually figure it out that she is looney.
2006-12-23 17:23:00 · answer #10 · answered by knittinmama 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋