How does a person find a church/or god, when a person has not been to a church in almost 15 years?

Question

My husband wants to start going to church again, (he went before he met me). I went when I was a small child till I was about 14. (sex scandle) Yes we got married in a church (his not mine) . But he stopped going and I never believed again. Now he wants to start to go again, and I'm worried how I will react to it, when I don't know if I believe there is a god.

I want to Thank Everyone who answered my question. I'm still am not sure what to do, but my husband and I are going to try a UU church first then try a few more. While I search my heart for the truth. Thank You All So much.

Answer 1

You need to talk about this with him.
Try to go with him and support him (cos whatever happens, he's your husband/partner). If the God thing is not for you, then you don't have to go to church with him, if he finds one.
He should be supportive with your decision too.

Problems will come when kids come along. So you might want to be prepare about that too. what id the kid ask why mommy is not going to church with them and daddy, etc.

If you can talk these problems (and potential questions) that may come up, then I guess there is no more problem. Just be open and not hide anything from each other.

Answer 2

Many people who are not sure about God do attend Church. In a good Church people will be respectful of where you are at spiritually and will be friendly and welcoming regardless of how much or how little you participate in the service. A non-denominational Church would probably work best for you because services involve more teaching about what the Bible actually says and less focus on ceremony.

If you want to explore the possibility of God (beyond reading the Bible) than books by Lee Strobel are a good place to start.

Strobel was a reporter, an Athiest and an Evolutionist. When his wife became a Christian he set out to prove to her that God did not exist. The result of his research was his first book "The Case For Christ"

Answer 3

People who thing that the nature of God is beyond human understanding are called Agnostics. Atheists are the ones who have decided they know the answer, and it is "No". They are, in my opinion, as narrow-minded as the Christians who argue about baptism - not if they should do it, but if fresh water in an artificial channel (like an irrigation canal) is as valid as fresh water in a natural channel (like a river.) They have, of course, firmly rejected salt water, still water (lakes) and swimming pools as heresy.

You sound like an Agnostic at the moment. As such, you would be welcome at a Unitarian Univesalist church, but they are hard to find unless you live in Massachusetts. Your husband would be welcome but would probably feel they were too liberal for his tastes.

Why don't you pick the denomination your husband grew up in and give it a try? If it doesn't fit, ask the minister to suggest another. If he (she) says there are no others, they and they alone are the One True Church, grab your purse and back away slowly, never taking your eyes off his (her) hands.

Churches are a little like hospitals and schools. You can acquire health in a hospital, learning in a school and faith in a church.

Answer 4

There are lots of churches in you neighborhood.

Talk to a few christian friends you know, and see where they like to attend.

Show up on a few Sundays. See if they are a people accepting congregation, or have made the church an end in itself. The Church is people, not a place or an organization.

You can tell a church by it's fruits.

They should put God first, and God is concerned about his people. (John 21:15 ...Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."...)

If you like it, stay a while.
If you don't, find a different one.
.

Answer 5

Your husband should definitely pray about this and ask for guidance. Does he want to return to the same denotation or try something different? He should think about this. It could be that he was a member of a church that just wasn’t right for him. They aren’t all the same.

Pray for guidance and perhaps visit several churches in your area. If he prays with a sincere heart he will be led in the right direction.

If you’re not ready to join him, don’t stand in his way. I don’t think you would do that because just asking this question shows that you want to help. I encourage you to visit some churches with him and even if you aren’t comfortable praying, sit with him while he prays. If at all possible, this is a journey you two should share.

All the best to you both and I will pray that you are led in the right direction.

Answer 6

Rory...Just because your husband goes to church, does not mean you have to believe as he does... God gave you free will and choice, it is plain in the bible that you have the right to choose how you want to believe. However, the fact that you would ask this question to the world in this way...tells me, I think, that you want to believe. You must explore this desire to know... Ecclesiastes talks of a hole, an emptiness within us that only God can fill. Perhaps your spouse's need to worship and follow God has inspired you to explore this part of yourself as well.
If you have had scars from something in the past...you must face those fears and pains with God. God has promised to wipe away all our tears from the things that happen to us in this life. I believe He will keep His promise, but that has not exempted me from trials, some of them terrible. I learned a long time ago, that men and women will sin and hurt me, and I have hurt me...but, God has always remained pure and holy. I have had to look at the cross, and Jesus' sacrifice to grapple with the horrors that can happen in this life. Both caused by others against me, and things I have done that I deeply regret. If it has been 15 years, then I say...well, it is time you heard God's voice, and listen to Him. Get a bible, that is the first step... read what He says. I would suggest you seek out to study the bible with someone to give you some guidance. If you have trust issues...be sure to seek out having a woman study with you, ok? I saw someone else mention a non denominational church. That is a good suggestion, but I would suggest you pray and ask God to send someone you can trust to show you His will. He will do it, just ask Him. If you are unsure He is listening, tell Him that...ask Him to help you overcome unbelief.
It only takes a little reaching out to find Him...He will send you help if you seek it. Please write to me if you have any questions...my prayers are with you.

Answer 7

For what it's worth my observation is that people go to church for the same reasons they go to a tavern or a football game. You don't need a church to worship, you don't need a tavern to drink and you can see the game better on TV. People go to be part of the crowd, to socialize, for the music, the artwork, the pomp & ceremony, to yell and shout, etc.

Theologically speaking, the most important principle in Christianity, Judaism, Islam and just about every other religion is probably the Golden Rule. The rest is details. I like the idea that how we live is more important than what we believe.

Answer 8

Try two things.

1) go somewhere where you can close your eyes and think in peace and quiet and ask yourself if you really think there is a God / Gods / Goddess / Goddesses. You will feel in your heart if you are supposed to be a believer or not if you let yourself become calm.

Choosing a religious group is not about which one is right due to social pressure and what other's will think, it is about what you feel is right. It is important not to pretend to believe; if you don't, be honest. It is a good idea to think about what kind of God or Goddess you want to worship.

Do you want to worship in fear and worship a being that is unpredictable and whom you must fear, one who is less moral than yourself? or do you want to worship a being that challenges you to become the best person you can be, one that you can respect?

Love and fear are like oil and water and do not go together. You will either be devoted by your respect for what the God / Goddes you choose to wmulate can teach you or you will be afraid, one or the other.

2) until you are certain, try the local Unitarian Universalist Church, the biggest one you can find. They tend to concentrate on what people should believe (goodness, kindness, effort, courage, etc...) rather than who people should believe in (names of Gods or Jesus or what means of prayer, etc...) and they will help you figure out what you need, and where you want to take from this experience. If you leave it knowing you gave it your careful consideration in a supportive environment and that you just couldn't believe, you will go out with a clear conscience.

Answer 9

I am guessing that your husband has a particular denomination that he feels close to. You could start to learn about them. This is a great, unbiased site from the University of Virginia that lists information about different religions and denominations of religions:
http://religiousmovements.lib.virginia.edu/profiles/listalpha.htm

My only concern in that situation would be whether or not his denomination would require the conversion of a spouse. You can be open minded but there are some things that you can't rush or force. Please be yourself and keep an open line of communication with your hubby.

Answer 10

I can't tell you how to deal with religious differences between you and your husband. But, I can give you a site with a pretty decent quiz to what group or denomination may best suit your beliefs.

While I thought that it was tongue in cheek, it has been quite on the money for myself and some of my friends. If your husband is willing to take it also, it may give you some common points to start as a point of reference for finding something compatible for both of you.