Anybody have a son with Asperger's?

Question

My 6 yr old son was recently diagnosed with Asperger's, and I'm having some problems that usually wouldn't be a big deal to other parents, but it is for me. When he watches TV, he loves Spongebob, he takes it so literally that he acts out the characters and imagines them at school. One day, his teacher told me he had been acting strange and picking up a "friend" named Plankton into his hand and setting the imaginary friend on the table to help him with his work. I've also cut down on video games a lot because he loves them, but then he gets scared at night from games as innocent as Mario Bros. He is constantly asking me if someone is "good or evil" and I try to explain to him that not everybody is all good or all evil. Although he's very intelligent, he won't even attempt to tie his own shoes. I became a little annoyed once about it, and let him go without them tied. He tripped and fell, started crying, and then I felt horrible. Anybody else going through this?

Actually, I have experienced the rages and tantrums, but we had to work hard at consistent discipline and keeping rewards for when he does something really good. He has the full support of his teachers, and the kids actually love him. His problem with other children is that he doesn't want to interact unless he initiates it. The rages are down to a minimum of once a week, & it used to be every day.

Answer 1

"Although he's very intelligent, he won't even attempt to tie his own shoes. I became a little annoyed once about it, and let him go without them tied. He tripped and fell, started crying, and then I felt horrible. Anybody else going through this? "

I'd feel bad for that as well, but I say the boy has to learn. I'd of nutured him made sure he was alright then told him that's why he has to keep his shoes tied.

I don't have a child with Aspergers so I really shouldn't be the one to reply to this. I'm sure you'll get many replies though.

As for the Spongebob plankton thing. I giggled at that. That reminds me of normal kids, I used to volunteer at a day care and a lot of kids would act out stuff they've seen over and over in tv shows. When I was little I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought that was normal too, and I can't believe his teacher was worried about that.

Answer 2

My sister has Asperger's. Some people notice she can act a little different, but some don't. I'll list some of her behaviors, I don't know if they are relevant to Asperger's or not. ~Can get easily agitated, especially with peers and work. ~She holds herself and some objects in a sorta awkward way. (some who have it do) ~Her walk is... off, kind of awkward in a way, for a lack of a better word. ~She had speech problems when she was small. Had a hard time with certain words. ~Her attention span is usually short. ~She has a hard time comprehending, especially with reading (has a hard time on quizzes over books) ~Doesn't realize when she's being rude nor does she make an effort to fix her ways when she is. (Many others I know who have it also have this problem). ~Can't correctly use many phrases. Doesn't pick up sarcasm. ~Doesn't like many people, has a hard time making/keeping some friends. As far as I know, there is no actual treatment for Asperger's. My sister did have speech therapy in school for her speech problems. It's more of a social form of autism. Many people who have this can be quite bright and talented. The way we've been managing it is by being patience, checking to see she understands what she's saying/doing. Like I said, most people don't notice it. Our family only noticed it because we live with her. If you don't fully trust your pediatrician yet, then I would recommend a second opinion. Good luck to your family!

Answer 3

Dealing with Aspergers is a confusing and difficult thing to do because so many children with the syndrom are very high functioning and intelligent in ways that exceed other kids and yet are unable to accomplish things that "should" be simple.

I'm very good friends with a 26 year old with Aspergers and he is the most amazing mimic. He also acts out complete shows and is fixated on a few things like Transformers and certain shows. He is also incredibly intelligent and funny. He tried so hard to learn to drive but it became apparent that there was no way he could work out the specific skills for the concentrating, manipulating and co-ordinating it took. He is able to get around well riding a bike though.

A support group will help you to accept your sons limitations, embrace his strengths and learn to help him get stronger where he can and to deal with his weaknesses. My friend Mark volunteered to go and talk to our local teachers group to explain what Aspergers means to their students. He has a fulltime job in computers (it took a long time to find a job where he has a minimum of personal interaction and is able to do something he has full concentration for).

Talking with other parents who are dealing with this will help you understand that there's nothing wrong with getting annoyed once in a while. That's a normal part of the process and you shouldn't feel guilty about how you're dealing with things. We all want the best for our kids and it's so hard to see them go through difficulties like the ones that will face your son.

Answer 4

You can't force him to tie his shoes...I'm just going to start there. I have an eleven year old with aspergers, and he is still learning how to do a good job. Kids with aspergers have motor skill delays that are insidious because they aren't as obvious as others. Don't make it an issue and buy the slip ons that most other kids are wearing anyway. He has some nice leather ones that he wears out. He has his hiking boots to practice with, because he has to have them for scouts. Mental intellect has very little to do with body brains, and one does not reflect on the other.

My son had a big problem at that age with TV. He could watch nature shows that had tigers ripping gazelle's to pieces, but at age six was still crying to disney movies because they were too scary. If you look at them literally they are! He probably is not imagining those characters at school, to him they are real, and he's acting with them because they are predictable and he can control them.

Don't let anyone tell you that it's 'normal' for boys, I heard the same thing. The problem with our kids is that while it's normal at a certain age, without training they will continue this behavior for as long as you let them. We had very specific social skills training that Josh had to go through, basically teaching him how to talk to people, what NOT to say, word associations so he could talk in a conversation. You can't just explain it to him, his brain doesn't work that way. You have to train, over and over, until it becomes habit. It will probably never make sense to him, but he'll know that it is how other people act.

Try reading Pretending to be Normal. It has a very good perspective on growing up with aspergers. and you can email me anytime in my profile email. Contact your local autism group, it definitely has people with aspergers involved, and that will help too, to know you're not alone. And please know that it will get better. Especially now that you have a diagnosis and the school MUST provide help under IDEA, as far as therapy and school supports go. They can even teach him to tie his shoes.

Answer 5

I know what you're going through. Aspergers children will often make up friends (like Plankton) drawn from TV or movies to keep them company during the day, it stems from their poor social skills and difficulty of making friends of their own. The "good" or "evil" part comes from wanting to see the world in clearly marked, defined boundaries. Order and organization is very important to Aspergers children, routines and doing tasks in a specific order. There are also sensorial issues that may crop up, such as bright lights, loud sounds and distracting movements. This may affect his school work -- they're very sensitive. Don't worry about the shoelace tying, 6 yrs old is still pretty young to learn. A lot of 8 yr old kids still don't know how to tie their shoes! Just keep working on that, unless you think it's a fine motor control problem, then you should request a physical therapist when you do the IEP. Remember Aspergers doesn't really affect intelligence (although there are problems dealing with abstract concepts) it is primarily a deficit in understanding social cues and reading social situations. Try to get him around people as much as possible to prevent him from getting lost in his own world, and practice basic social skills and conversation. Make it fun and use your sense of humor. One thing I hope you haven't experienced is something very common to Aspergers and that is the temper tantrums and rage that can just explode and cause problems at home and at school. It comes from frustration and not being able to express themselves and explain their feelings. Keep at it, and make sure you get full support from your school, teachers, paraprofessionals and therapists. You're entitled by law to get the most inclusive environment for your child. There is so much ignorance and prejudice when it comes to children with Aspergers. Your job is to do your research (as you are doing now), educate them and make sure they treat him as a human being with feelings and with respect.

Answer 6

Our son age 9, on the Autism Spectrum also acts out things he has seen on t.v. and thinks they are his "real" friends. He did this so well the school (who only treats autistic kids by the way) called us to tell us that someone was picking on him and they have searched the school and couldn't find this person anywhere and wanted to know if we had a new "Jimmy" in our neighborhood because our son didn't want to play with him anymore. LOL It turns out it was Jimmy Neutron from t.v. Our son had seen an episode where Jimmy had been making faces and thought he was doing it at him. I completely understand where you are coming from. He also refuses to tie his shoes and even get dress by himself most days. He also has rages so bad that he has broke windows and furniture so we have had no choice but to medicate him for his safety as well as others.

Answer 7

I have a 6 year old boy with Autism Spectrum Disorder and although the conditions are different in their affects on the child's processing abilities they have similar traits.

We have had obsessions, tantrums, fixed him a strict routine and things have improved slightly with early intervention (We found out he had Autism when he was two years old). He starts grade one next year I have no idea what we are up against. We cut out artificial colours and flavours in his food and even some preservatives in the hope of providing some improvement.

To answer to your last question: yes we are going through similar things with our son and I sympathise with you. Just hang in there, get as much help as you can for yourself not just for your son. Occupational therapy may help with fine and gross motor skills and a psychologist may also help him differentiate between fact and fantasy and may also arm you with some strategies to help with coping with the idiosyncrasies of a child with this condition..

Best of luck and kind regards.

Answer 8

hi i have a 8 year old boy and he has just been diagnosed with aspergers .its nice to speak to someone else eho can under stand how hard it is. like your son mine also takes things very literally .you have to be very carefull about what you say and how you say it .i asked my son to wipe his feet on the mat before going in to the house and he did do as he was told. but he had taken his shoes and socks off first because i had said wipe your feet and not wipe your shoes.it sounds funny but at the time i also felt horrible.i also find my sons handwriting is quite bad i dont find the school that helpfull but i worry that if i keep on at them thay will get rid of him and i want him to stay in main stream school it is hard and i seam to face somthing new every day but i am getting there slowly.i also find it hard when we are out because he is big and somtimes the way he acts other people just dont under stand and i find there commints and stares upsetting how do you cope with that?also still unsure about how to tell him what he has got?have you told your son yet ?thanks andrea

Answer 9

Girl I have Aspergers and im living a good life. U should no that ppl with that tend to be very smart when they get older.Ppl like that.. u have to understand that there minds work differntly then other ppl u have to see how his mind works and talk his language.
E-mail me at [e-mail].

Answer 10

what you need to do is look in to a suport group in your area. A good place to start would be the local Autism group, they will point you in the right direction