For people who were adopted or have adopted?

Question

For people who were adopted or have adopted?
do you sometimes feel that you were actually adopted? i mean u noticed that u look different from the rest? the feeling is very strong but u dont dare to ask afraid that you might offend your parents? i mean what if my gut feelings are wrong.

for those who have adopted:
do u tell your kids ? or try to avoid the subject.

Answer 1

I am not adopted but I once knew someone who was (I only found out he was adopted years later). Here's the story:

When I was about 8 or so there was a kid on my baseball team. We were friendly, and his older brother even dated my cousin for a little bit. I had no idea he was adopted (and neither did he, apparently).

Fast forward to last year (summer of 2005) when I was 17...I was watching that TV show call Brat Camp, where the troubled teens go to camp in the wilderness to knock some sense into them. Lo and behold...my baseball buddy was one of the kids on the show! My mother recognized his parents when they came on the show...and their story related how after they had told him when he was 10 about his adoption...he lost trust and respect for his parents and went down a path of stealing and drugs.

The moral of the story is: Don't keep any secrets from your kids...if you tell it to them when they are really young then they will accept it as reality and not lose trust in you when you do tell them.

Answer 2

I was adopted. My mom made a point of telling me when I was really young. Ofcourse, she didn't really tell me what it meant and when I told my friends that I was adopted, they all said, "No you weren't." "You're lying." etc..

I don't think they really new what it meant either.

So, the answer to your question "Should you tell them." is YES. But explain exactly what it means and why they don't look like you (the parents).

As far as asking your parents if you were adopted, they shouldn't get offended. If they're good people they they will "sit you down" and tell you. Hopefully though, they will tell you when you're younger, like my mom did.

If you ask them, and it turns out you're not adopted, hopefully they will have a sense of humor about it.

Either way, the subject should not be approached with anger or sarcasm.

Answer 3

We are adoptive parents, and we talk as casually about our child's history and adoption as we do about where we went on our last vacation. It's all part of our family story. Our child (so far--still young, only in 1st grade) accepts it as pleasant fact.

It's rare--but not impossible--to discover that your adoption has been kept a secret. I hope that is not the case with you. Genetics are pretty variable--you might not look much like your relatives, even if you're all biologically connected.

Answer 4

My wife and I adopted a newborn baby boy four months ago. We feel very blessed to have him in our lives. He is certainly the most important and precious miracle in our lives. We plan to incorporate how he came to be in our lives in our day-to-day interaction with him; bedtime stories, scrapbook, etc. Our hope is that he grows up never doubting for a second that he is loved - or that there is anything that he can't tell us for fear they'll hurt us in any way.