Wats the best joke of all time?

Answer 1

Of all jokes, I decline to answer, but here's my nomination for the best-ever bar joke:
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.

Answer 2

what do you call a fish with no eyes???
- a fsh!!!!


what do you call a sheep with no legs?
-a cloud, cause hes fluffy
lol so corny




A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervious I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:

1) Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.

10) We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11) When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."

12) The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".

13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God"

14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

15) Don't refer to Jesus and the 12 disciples, as J.C. and the boys



Little Johnny was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually he slept through the class. One day the teacher called on him while he was napping, ’’Tell me, Johnny, who created the universe?’’

When Johnny didn’t stir, little Mary, an altruistic girl seated in the chair behind him, took a pin and jabbed him in the rear. ’’God Almighty !’’ shouted Johnny and the teacher said, ’’Very good’’ and Johnny fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Johnny, ’’Who is our Lord and Savior?’’ But Johnny didn’t even stir from his slumber. Once again, Mary came to the rescue and stuck him again. ’’Jesus Christ!’’ shouted Johnny and the teacher said, ’’Very good,’’ and Johnny fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Johnny a third question, ’’What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?’’ And again, mary jabbed him with the pin. This time Johnny jumped up and shouted, ’’If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!’’

Answer 3

One of my favorites is -

A teacher walks into her class one day and finds an apple on her desk with the initials S.D. on it, She said, "Well this is a nice gift, who left this for me?" A little girl raises her hand and says, "It's from me, Sally Davis." The teacher replys, "That was very nice of you Sally."

The next day the teacher comes in and finds a pear on her desk with the initials J.J. on it, she said,"Well this is a very nice gift, who left this for me?" A little boy raises his hand and says, "from me Johnny Jones."

The next day she arrives at her classroom to find a watermelon on her desk. It has F.U.C.K. on it. She is furious! She demands," Who left this on my desk? I want to know right now!" The three little black boys raise their hands and they say,"It's from us teacher, From Us Colored Kids."


Sorry if it isn't very P.C. - I still think it's cute

Answer 4

Q-why does a chicken cross the road?
A- to get to the other side



Or another one- your mom

Answer 5

Q) How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A) Two. But they have to be very small.

Answer 6

2 hippos are in the bathtub. one says to the other "pass the soap". the other says "no soap, radio!"

Answer 7

try my jokes on yahoo answers

Answer 8

my joke is the best LOL