5 months pregnant dealing with unreasonable husband.?

Question

Husband has obsession with a clean house. There is no flexiblity in his attitude. His is relentless, unreasonable, and down right hurtful. I am pregnant and he travels quite a bit which leaves me to handle the home and the children on my own. Being pregnant and fatigued he says is my MO for not cleaning. My house is beautiful it is tidy, but I am not obessed with having everything in its place. I have a 2 year old toddler and a 12 year old. He will come home from a business trip and be pissed off and ignore me if the house isn't up to his standards. He makes wise cracks to his family at family gatherings about my cleaning, my cooking, and my ability to be a good mother. This is the same man that complained to his brother that when the baby comes his golf days might be over. This is the same man that finds time for golfing after being gone for 4-5 days out of town, this is the same man that expects me to watch the 2 year old so he won't be bothered and interrupted during football games

Answer 1

Sounds like were are married to the same man.. He gripes all the time about the house. We have 4 kinds under 9. (twins) I was making myself sick with all the cleaning and the cleaning products. (physically sick for 3 yrs) I have changed the way I clean house (I don't use as many chemicals) and have stopped being so obsessed with the house. It's clean enough. If he wants it cleaner he can get off his butt and do it his self. Just an example, I usually finish eating first so I get up and clean all the dishes, pots, pans, stove, counter etc. By that time he is finished eating and puts his plate in the sink. That's all he'll do with it. We don't have a dishwasher. I'm ready to be single. At least you get a break from your husband, I would love it if he traveled and was gone for days at a time. Good luck with your new baby. Try not to let him affect your health or teh kids health. Merry Christtmas and God Bless,.

Answer 2

There are several excellent answers here about the mental & verbal abuse, selfishness, and unreasonable behavior you husband exhibits. I agree with them that you need to demand the respect you deserve and insist that he pitch in with the children and the house. I'll guess that he believes he is a great father. I am divorced from my children's dad because of verbal and emotional abuse - it is very real and can ruin your selfestem and your self-confidence. He did do some of the house work but I had to manage everything else with the children and work. If it wasn't benefiting him or impacted him in any way he wasn't interested. It sounds like your husband does not expect anything to impact his schedule or what HE wants to do when he wants to do it.

I don't know if this is even possible for you after you have the baby - maybe a couple of months after. Can you go away for a weekend and visit with your family or a friend that is not near home? Let him have to take full responsibility of everything for 3 days and see how he handles it. No supplemental family coming over to take anyone or stay there. Counceling is worth a try. It didn't help us any but it may help him see what a jerk he is being.

I wish you all the best and hope things work out for you as you wish them. But do remember that you are worth more than the way you are treated.

Answer 3

Sweety, you are in an abusive relationship. At the very least verbally. He doesen't respect you by the story you tell. Also let him know that powerful cleaners can harm you and the baby while you are pregnant and if you have a child with a heart condition his golf days will surely be over. First off though, you are pregnant and try not to stress over the little things. You can hire a maid if he wants the house cleaned then he can pay for it. Take it easy, you can only have so many children and enjoy each one. If your husband is still an abusive jerk after, then file for divorce and tell him to find an apartment somewhere else.

Answer 4

My question is why on earth are you still with this man?He obviously has little or no respect at all for you and cares more about a clean house and golfing then his pregnant wife-who should mean the world to him.You need someone to support you 100%.If you are not ready to take the chance of leaving him then have you thought of marriage counseling?I am so sorry for you-seriously consider how much happier you could be without the man.

Answer 5

He sounds like a real jerk.
I'd give him an ultamatim. He has to help out. That's the only fair thing in a marriage. You didn't marry him to be his servant, you married him to be his equal. It seems men have this notion that housework is women's work and it should be done by them to the men's standards. He just needs a good telling off. Let him know you aren't his slave and he needs to be more compassionate towards you. Men have no idea what a woman goes through during pregnancy and childbirth. They are so wussy deep down. They could never handle it. I really believe this :)
haha
When I was pregnant with my first child a lady told me that my life was gonna change sooooo drastically and that my husbands wouldn't at all. I believed her first when I had my child thinking there was no way around the lazy attitude they have..but my husband is very accomadating now and helpful. I think they are like kids..testing their boundaries. haha
Good luck with this. Try not to get down over it. He's being unfair.

Answer 6

I think I may live with the same man.....scary. I live the life you're living, and you've got to ask yourself, what I did. Do you want this man in your life? Is your life going to be better without him? The answers to both of those is probably a big fat YES, but be realistic, and the feminists will hate me, but is it going to be worth it to be alone, raising children alone, having them depend solely on you, or is it worth all his bullshit to have a two parent home, and to be able to spend all your time educating, loving, and caring for your children. I am with my second husband, and I was alone with two kids for quite a while after my first marraige. It's not easy and it's not fun. I'm not saying stay because of the kids, but if making a few jokes is the worst thing he does...... And what man doesn't get pissy when he doesn't get his way? I haven't met any. I know this may not be what you wanted to hear, the popular vote seems to be to leave him, but I come from an old school way, and I believe you should make it work. Women are traditionally the glue that binds the families......why that's changed, I don't know but it shouldn't have. I'm proud of my family, and pride comes from long hours, hard work, and serious commitment. The pay sucks, and the rewards are few, but in retrospect, it's worth it to me. Is it worth it to you?

Answer 7

You sound like post-partum blues are kicking in early! Get on the phone and have a cleaner come in 1 couple days a week....what is the real prob? If he can afford golf then you can afford a cleaner for 2 hours 2 times a week! That costs me $40 a week in Seattle and I bless the day I found her! Instead of being the pregnant victim....take charge. Instead of griping....do something! Maybe the reason why the hubby wants to play more golf is that he doesn't want to talk to you when you are being unreasonable... if you can't change your behavior then it is time to part. By now he is probably willing to pay good money to get rid of you anyhow.

Answer 8

Oh dear! Do you feel better after venting! I hope so! That's alot to be dealing with.

Assuming you are deeply in love and this is just "one of those things" that never gets resolved in a relationship...have you thought about hiring a housekeeper? It sounds like you do a great job with everything...but it could alleviate some of your chores and let someone else handle "the everything in its place" part.

You can't change a man in a chat room :) But I hope you get some support here! I truly feel for you!

Stay strong. I too dream about a life without expectations!

Answer 9

You know I'm in the same boat, Except mine just wont clean or cook or do anything but sit in his garage or go to friends houses and drink. I work go to school and have a six year old to raise. I think women should rethink the whole man thing, I have come to the conclussion the are more of a pain in the *ss than it's worth. sory not relly an answer just wanted you to know that I was in you boat. Good luck.

Answer 10

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sounds like you two need some counseling. He needs to learn to not be so unreasonable. You are not perfect and neither is anyone else. Unfortunately, I have the opposite problem, my husband is a complete SLOB, and I get on to him about picking stuff up, but not like your husband does you. Ask him if it would be better if you and your children go somewhere else so he can have his golf and football (not being serious, but to make him realize maybe he is being ridiculous). I would also make sure that he understands how hurtful it is when he makes wise cracks and talks to his family about you. Do this when things are calm and you two aren't angry at each other.