I have done everything to get ready for Christmas this year. Including buying or making gifts for my 3 stepkids, my son, our daughter, his mom, my mom, my dad and stepmom, my brother and his wife, and our 10 neices and nephews. I made photo memory quilts for his mom, my mom, and my dad, have spent the past few weeks making candles, making candy, painting crafts, stocking up on food for Christmas dinner, and wrapped every single gift. I only had our 2 yr. olds left to wrap and I called him at my brothers, where he was playing video games, and asked him to come get her, so I could wrap her gifts without her seeing me. He came home, put a movie on for her in her room, and plopped downn in his recliner with a bag of chips, some queso, and started watching TV. I finally made a comment about it. He got up slammed the chips down, snatched my daughter up, and started to leave. I lost my temper then and told him how sorry it was that he has done nothing to help me. He said nothing and left!
2006-12-23 11:58:56 · 15 answers · asked by LittleMermaid 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Beetlejuice: ARE YOU SERIOUS????
Yes, the types of homemade gifts that I made were my choice, but as I said he also didn't buy one single gift for his kids, my son, our daughter or even his own mother. I did all that. So, if it had been "his choice" none of them would have gotten a thing. Yes, I choose to buy these people these gifts, but if I had been a real hateful person, I would have only bought for my 2 kids and my family, and skipped his kids and his mom. The least that he could have done was helped wrap or watch our daughter while I did all this stuff. If it were left up to him, he would have waited till the last minute and put very little thought into their gifts. I thought it was pretty nice for me to make his mom that memory quilt, with photos of him as a child on it. He never would have thought of that. I don't mean I wanted him to sew, make candles, or bake, but he didn't offer to help with anything. That is what my issue is.
2006-12-23 12:24:22 · update #1
Velkin: I did start months ago, but with that many people to buy for, or make gifts for, and to wrap,, it is hard to find time for all the Christmas stuff, when you are getting no help from your husband, but yet he is certainly going to take alot of the credit for the gifts.
2006-12-23 12:31:23 · update #2
Mine is working out of state right now so he hasn't been here to help too much. The girls and I made ornaments yesterday and painted them. You can already imagine the mess that a 1 1/2 year old and 2 1/2 year old can make with paint...lol. I have done all the shopping, all the cleaning and all of the baking. He has helped me wrap gifts though. I'd just talk to him about it again. Wish I could help more. Good luck.
2006-12-23 12:02:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'll just leave him alone.
I guess you should ask for his help and don't push yourself too much.
I completely understand why you're furious - you've done so much, even for his side of the family, and he didn't even want to baby sit.
He has his wrong part for not recognizing what you've done and not even praise you for that. I guess guys should notice what their wives had done and buy them diamonds. Some guys are too ignorant to realize that they need to be ask whether their wives need help come holiday season. They came home from work and forget that the have some obligations at home too.
But you have your fault too.
Women should let their husbands know that they need help - and communicate more about what do you expect from him. Some people just don't go and actively help. Some husbands may thinks that if their wives don't ask for help then she doesn't need help and wondering what they've done wrong when their wives yelled at them
So it's actually a simple miscommunication.
Guys need to grow up and be more sensitive. Girls need to communicate more.
2006-12-23 15:51:27 · answer #2 · answered by meetha 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I hope that you take this advise to heart because I think that if you do, things might go differently next time.
I know that all women want men to know what we want but they don't, they can't read our minds. Do you listen to Dr. Laura? She's got it right, if you want them to do something very specific, tell them.
I know that a lot of people are telling you to be a jerk back to your husband, but what will that accomplish? Two wrongs don't make a right. If you want more help from him, ask, directly. Next year, pick a day, tell him that the 2 of you are going shopping for all the people on HIS list. (I don't shop for my hubby's gifts to people, that's his job. Although I do get things for his mom from me and the kids)
As for the TV sitting the kid, sit down, tell him that you were upset that you had to do all the shopping, that from now on he needs to do his shopping and tell him that you were upset that he plopped your kid in front of the TV because that is something that you could have done yourself. But you have to tell him that you want him to do more, you have to tell him that you wanted him to take her to the park or whatever, I'm a mom and I don't even know what you wanted him to do, because no one can read your mind.
Next time, just tell him what you'd like him to do.
2006-12-24 20:02:24 · answer #3 · answered by 1 Supermom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be upset. However, what good will it do? My hat goes off to you. I know the feeling. I've always done everything by myself whether my husband was here or deployed. I'm used to it by now. Getting upset is not worth it and it's not healthy. Just take it as a part of life. Relax and take care!
P.S.
Stop and think about the true meaning of Christmas. Then, thank about how blessed you are.
2006-12-23 13:10:48 · answer #4 · answered by Blu 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Mine doesn't help either, but I don't ask him too. I'm OCD about things being the way I want them. You knew who he was when you married him. I'm sorry he's not conforming to your wants, but you can't change a guy. He'll only change if he wants to. To him, he was watching her. Apparently that is the way things are done in his family. Talk to him if you want and hopefully he'll get better about it. Just don't force a change, he'll resent you for it. The whole "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" thing.
You might also want to start the presents and wrapping way in advance. I started buying gifts in September this year. It made my holiday time alot less stressful. Or wrap after the kids go to bed. I know you are stressed, but snapping at him won't make it better.
2006-12-23 12:08:51 · answer #5 · answered by Velken 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
We have 3 fathers like that in my neighborhood and it makes me sick!!! My wife is disabled so I need to do most of the house stuff plus all the shopping and work a 3 day/40 hour work week. Do I get worn down? Yes. Do I complain? Yes, sometimes. But what frosts my butt is when one of these "dads" wants a medal for going to the store for milk, or watching his own kids for an hour. The only way to make these guys happy is to send them back to their mother's. They are momma's boys.
2006-12-23 12:15:48 · answer #6 · answered by Clrinsight 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I would be very pissed. The only thing I guess I would have suggested to you is say something to him sooner? You may have waited ( I don't know as I don't know you) until you were ready to explode and then when you addressed the issue, it might have come out too strong, making him insantly defensive. sometimes, men sit there and watch us do everything thinking we "enjoy it" without stopping to think we could use a little help.
Next year, make him do it...and if it doesn't get done, it will reflect on him.
2006-12-23 13:52:58 · answer #7 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
After all you have done he is acting like a child and you need to tell him that the last thing you need is another child! I made my husband go shopping with me and he even helped decide what gifts to get for whom. If he cant even watch your daughter while you wrap gifts then you need to tell him to go wrap them and if he does a crappy job tell him to do it over until it looks as good as when you do it. You have every right to be mad and he needs to understand what kind of stress you are going through. It is so unfair that many moms can't enjoy the holidays bc they have to do everything. He is being ridiculous and needs to stop acting immature and start respecting you and all the things you do for him and the family.
2006-12-23 12:04:27 · answer #8 · answered by Hayley C 3 · 3⤊ 3⤋
sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. I would be really angry too. Next year tell him it is his job to organise it all, make sure you give him lots of time to do it and let everyone know that that year he is going to do it so the blame falls on him not you
2006-12-23 15:01:33 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
men are not mind readers. if you women want help, ASK FOR IT AND GIVE EXPLICIT DIRECTIONS OF WHAT YOU WANT DONE. he had her out of your way, so you could wrap gifts in the bedroom. if you wanted him to take her AWAY from the house, YOU should have told him. i hope you start soon. PMS is ruining the season.
2006-12-23 13:20:50 · answer #10 · answered by wilrycar 4 · 2⤊ 5⤋