Hi - I have been seeing this guy for about a year and I do't know how to deal with his mother/ kids etc. His kids are always ok with me (I think) and I am not too worried about them. What bothers me is his mother - she makes him feel guilty for not spending time with them when he is with me. (He sees the every other weekend and one day a week and I don't go over to his house to ensure that they get quality time). But she always phones on the weekend I am visiting saying things like 'you do't care about your kids, you should phone them etc etc' - I know she does this because I am there. He does care about them and he has them when he can - they live with their mom so he can't see them 24/7 as we both work full time and they live in another town. Why does his mother hate me. She already hates his ex. I think she want it to be him, her and his kids - opposite of the freudian theory. My self esteem is low now because I feel I can never be good enough. I have no kids. Should I end it?
2006-12-23 10:39:12 · 18 answers · asked by LoobyLou 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Definately not, buy an answerphone and plug it in on the weekends and turn it low, sounds to me that you and your guy are happy when she is not hassling you... he sounds like the best dad trying to have good input with his children... he is a grown man he should talk to his mother and make some choices... best you don't even think of her keep smiling and enjoy what you share -- she thinks her son belongs her - he doesn't we non of us ask to be born we are ALL individuals and all have personal rights to our own lives.
Enjoy 2007 take care don't worry.
2006-12-27 03:21:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm not saying surrender just yet, first off you need to understand that ALOT of MILs are very intrusive, more than likely she does have an idea in her head that it should only be her, the son, and the grandkids, it's a kind of jealousy known as emotional incest, this type of person will never think that their futrue DIL/SIL will be good enough for their kids, and shes using his kids to guilt him into being sad, lonely and only with her, its not right, I recommend not ever getting too close with this woman, say hi, bye, a little chit chat, but nothing personal, or anything, she'll use it against you later, whenever you hear anything negative blow it off, this ladys never going to be happy, if you dont think you can deal with this type of person then I do suggest you save yourself alot of stress and move on, good luck :)
2006-12-23 10:48:37 · answer #2 · answered by Summer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you dare end it, by the sounds of it you have a good relationship and his mother doesn't want to cut the apron strings. i think it is nice that you are kind enough to sacrifice your time with him so he can focus on his chilren. now you have been with him a year he could start to spend one day at the weekend with you and the children but they have to be ready for that. by you staying out of the ay his kids see that you are not a threat. ignore his mums opinion, she is obviously a mum who thinks that no one wil be good enough for her precious son. as long as the children feel loved and happy and you nd your partner are happy that is all that matters. keep up the good work and good luck xxxxx
2006-12-23 10:45:01 · answer #3 · answered by Just Me.... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats not easy for you. I've had interfering in laws and they can drive you up the wall! The important thing is how you both handle it together. His mother has no right to tell him what to do he is a fully grown man and he should put your relationship first. Be strong and accept that his mother is the one with the issues.
2006-12-23 22:14:22 · answer #4 · answered by profile not in use 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wifes and girlfriends will never be good enough for some men in the eyes of their mothers. this is a fact, unfortunately. what you need to do is get your man to allow you to get to know his kids better and to b a part of their lifes as well. all be it a small one to start. if your relationship is one that is meant to last, you need to start beeing integrated into all aspects of his life. once the kids gets to know you and accept you as part of daddys life then things with "motherinlaw" wont seem so unberable. and she will not have a reason accuse him of not caring for his kids as he will be seeing them wether you are there or not anyway. slowly but surely your man will hopefully stand up to his mother and tell her where the land lies... even devoted sons can only take so much.
2006-12-23 10:58:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well just think if you had a kid and he only seen them every OTHER WEEKEND would your mother be coneerned about that
he needs to call them as much chance as he can I dont think his mother is worried about you much just those kids she might be afraid that you are taking up most of there time so if i were you I would think of a way that it want seem like you are interfering with that but i would not worry about his mom you cant make her like you
2006-12-23 10:46:20 · answer #6 · answered by slpry L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Why care what she says. If your bf loves you and treats you good then she is just going to have to accept the fact that you are going to be apart of her sons life! With the children, thats a good thing. If they all accept you then why bother with the mom. As long as your man accepts you, then thats all you have to worry about!
2006-12-23 10:43:11 · answer #7 · answered by Kristin S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is paranoid that if she doesn't remind him he's got kids he will somehow forget. I don't think she hates you, she sounds obsessed with doing what is right for the kids but is going the wrong way about it by causing friction and making you feel bad. When you meet her just hammer home the fact that you in no way stop your BF from seeing his kids.
2006-12-23 20:13:33 · answer #8 · answered by georgeygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I doubt if things will ever get better with this woman. Usually if you date or marry someone with kids it can be a sore spot with the poor babies in the middle. Ask yourself if you love him enough to have his mother dictate most of your life. Good luck Honey, you'll need it.
2006-12-23 10:57:21 · answer #9 · answered by Pearl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about how you feel? You might feel better if you get this off your chest...and tell him. I'll be honest, as an Italian, my mother is pretty special person. But I know how to handle her when she gets over barring and controlling. I think you should tell him how you feel. If he doesn't do anything about it, then you can make you decision on leaving him or not.
2006-12-23 10:44:04 · answer #10 · answered by JAD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋