My brother went to jail last year for breaking and entering, while he was high off weed. He's still on probation, and his girlfriend just told me he his selling and smoking weed.
He's 19, i feel for him, I really do. He recieved the majority of the physical abuse from my dad, who recieved a traumatic brain injury at work 8 years ago.
We spent 20K on lawyer fees and phone calls to jail. Because my dad is fully disabled and my mom is the only one who works, I graciously offered the 12k I made working two jobs to help pay for his fees. It was my college savings. I gave it to my parents because he promised to live a better life, and that he would pay me back. One year later, he's smoking weed, selling drugs, and lazing around being an unproductive member of society.
He's my brother, but he has screwed me, and my family, over. So, how do I tell my parents this scumbag has broken his promises and returned to his old ways?
2006-12-23 08:54:23 · 17 answers · asked by DB 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
And don't be cute. This is the first time I've ever done Yahoo Questions. I couldn't figure out how to edit, so I deleted and reposted.
But thanks for your lovely charm and intellect =-)
2006-12-23 08:59:40 · update #1
Turn him in and this time let him stay there. You guys are his comfort zone so he already knows if he gets n trouble, you all will bail him out and cover his expensives. Tough love, yes, its tough, but this way he will learn.
2006-12-23 08:59:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's kind of rough because you are having to use "hearsay" from your brother's girl friend... but if you feel there is merit to what she has told you then tell your parents just what you heard. Your brother is an adult. If he is still in your parents home and especially your family's wallet then all cards need to be face up on the table... don't enable this "man-child" by ignoring his own responsibility to rise above it all or crash and burn. You all gave him more than a chance with everything you have done up to now... Tough Love is rough for everyone involved but it has the best means of working when you understand continuing to help him be a flake is not LOVE... it's co-dependency, which isn't healthy for anyone.
If there is truth to what you have heard... cut him loose... you can tell him why and he will only argue... just know it is the only right thing to do for you, your parents, your brother... and SOCIETY in general by the sounds of it... breaking & entering, high or not shows your brother has some serious issues that you don't want to be part of.
2006-12-23 09:24:59 · answer #2 · answered by wonderful1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would your dad abuse him NOW, if he found out about what your brother is doing? If so, tell the local police instead, and this time don't pay his way out of the mess he'll be in. If your dad won't hurt him, you could tell them outright what is going on and decide as a family what to do. You still might consider turning him in and letting him decide in jail if he wants that sort of life or not. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you want to change your lifestyle. Hope all works out for your family, and I am sorry you lost your college money over this. Keep working, and know that you are not the only one who ever trusted a family member and got shafted. Poor consolation, I know, but..
2006-12-23 09:07:22 · answer #3 · answered by themom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's going to be hard no matter how you tell them. If you're straightforward and honest, that will go a long way. It sounds like your brother needs to hit rock bottom. I think you may need to let the police know and let him suffer the full consequences, and if that means prison, that might be the best thing for him. It's called Tough Love. It's awful that he was abused as a child, but lots of people are abused and make something of themselves. Sometimes people have to hit that brick wall to see they're making bad choices, and sometimes paying the consequences is the only way to get past it. I don't think you'll be getting your money back anytime soon, and I hope that you'll be able to avail yourself of grants and student loans to be able to go to college. Don't let your brother hold you back. I know these are tough decisions you'll have to make, and I feel bad that you have to be the one to do it. Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-12-23 09:12:49 · answer #4 · answered by Alicia L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in case you particularly take care of your brother you may inform you mothers and fathers appropriate away. Ya your brother would be mad at you for a on an identical time as, yet while he's older he would be greatful which you stoped him from runing his existence. it may start up with in basic terms small ingredient, yet while he sees that's a thank you to make money he will sell further and extra drugs. The greater he's around the medicine the greater probably he's to do drugs. additionally if he gets caught via the police it somewhat is going to bypass on his permenate record and harm him lator in existence while attempting to get a job or bypass to college some the place. in case you care something approximately your brother (that's seems you particularly care approximately him), you may inform you mothers and fathers appropriate away so your brother can get help/ in basic terms stop. there is different the right thank you to make money, help him start mowing lawns if he desires money for issues, or do chores for acquaintances or parrents.
2016-10-18 22:22:16 · answer #5 · answered by swindler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 you definitely need to be certain he is doing the drug thing again. Once you know for certain-you dont have to tell your mom--call his Probation Officer.
Too bad he was abused---however this is his excuse (& right now yours) for what he is doing. You need to remember--he was given a CHANCE to get his act together by being put on Probation and he has CHOSEN NOT TO. I guess he will have to do the time in jail now. Apparently he does not want your help, just you pitty. The only way to help him is TURN HIM IN. I dont know what state you live in, but if you do know he is dealing and you dont say anything yoou could very eaisly be held as an 'ACCESSORY" to his crime and NOW YOU ARE IN TROUBLE-not good.
2006-12-23 09:32:56 · answer #6 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my friend you are in a place called; between a rock and a hard place. if you tell parents on him, then you will be known as a rat,narc,mean,and many other things. if you don't tell them, then your parents will be angry at you. I'd say speak to your brother,but from experience i know that is waste of time. all you can do is just tell your parents that if he messes up again,you can not and will not help again. let them know you believe he is messing up again. but you have no proof. tell brother that if and when he needs help you will not give it. i learned from my dumb-*** brother, YOU CAN NOT HELP THOSE THAT WILL NOT HELP THEMSELVES. my brother owes me 30,000 bucks, i tried to help him, only thing that came of it was i out the money and he don't care. he is also dieing a slow ugly death due to drug abuse. i am sorry for you. also cant blame things on dad or any one else for way he is. merry christmas,and happy new year to you, any how tho. good luck also.
2006-12-23 09:28:13 · answer #7 · answered by waljac6108 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you because I used to be that scumbag that broke the promises to her family. I am glad to say that I am clean and sober and work a normal legal job now. It is your duty as his sister to tell on him. Just be blunt with your mom and tell her straight up what is happening. I know it is hard but by keeping his secret you are enabling him to continue on his path to destruction. There is no easy way to do this. But it has to be done! Good Luck to You
2006-12-23 09:00:00 · answer #8 · answered by Miss Crickett 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If at all possible I would talk to him directly. If you do not think this is a possibility then talk with your mom. He needs to stop and he can not blame his childhood abuse on his behaviors. He is a grown man and he has already been to prison once. When his probation officer takes a drug screen and it comes back dirty, he will go back to prison for a violation of parole.. God luck and God bless****
2006-12-23 09:06:23 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with LoneWolf1. Follow his advise and you can't go wrong. Don't let yourself or your family keep enabling him or it'll never stop because he'll never have a real reason to grow up and accept responsibility for HIS choices.
2006-12-23 09:19:33 · answer #10 · answered by PROUDJEW 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋