okay, so..
I have a boyfriend named Ben, and I THINK i like him, but I might not. I think I might only like him cause someone doesnt want me to like him, and that makes me a *****, but we only stated going out yesterday, i cant break up with him THIS QUICKLY can I? cause he is my close friend, and I dont wanna wreck that cause I'm a *****!
MEANWHILE
I do like someone else, his name is Connor, and he likes me too, but if i break up with Ben, to go out with Connor, he will get super pissed at me, and so will OTHER people, cause they are also friends with him! ahh I have asked a tlot of peoples opinion, and they say stay with Ben, Connor will always be around, but Connor and I are drifting appart, cause of Ben. so I KNOW i cant stay with him. but maybe I should? GOD! I am SOOOOOOOOO confused!
PLEASE HELP!
2006-12-23 08:03:16 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sorry to say this so bluntly, but I call it as I see it, and I don't mince words. You're being VERY unfair to Ben, and handling this whole situation in a most immature manner. I'm going to give you a lesson in how to act and treat people, I think you need one.
You don't call someone a 'friend' and then start dating them to spite someone else. Break it off with Ben, you don't even know if you like him. He has every right to be pissed at you, you're just using him. DEAL WITH IT.
As far as other people being pissed, well, it's really not their business, but by telling everyone and asking for a slew of opinions, you made it their business. DEAL WITH IT, TOO.
As for Connor, you may drift apart anyway because of what you're doing to Ben. No worthwhile guy wants a girl who treats other men like garbage. Again, DEAL WITH IT.
YOU created this mess, and YOU have to straighten it out. Cut poor Ben loose, and handle the fallout. It's not fair to him at all.
Now, the lesson. People are not toys, or objects to be used to tick someone else off. Doing so, then throwing them over for someone else, is childish and hurtful. They'll resent it, and rightfully so. It's called manipulation, and it's not a nice trait to develop or display, unless you plan a career in web scams.
The fact that you did this in the first place, then are asking the world for advice on it, tells me that you don't know your own mind yet. If you're not mature enough to make choices based on what YOU want, it's not fair to others to make ANY kind of choice concerning them. It will make you extremely unpopular with decent people, because you're not acting rightly or decently, and those are the simple consequences that you'll need to live with.
You sound very young, and like you're just playing to the crowd. Please stop it, and think about what you've done in terms of what I've just told you. You need to develop some rational thought processes, and I've told you what they are, and what you need to do to fix this. Whether you like it or not, people judge you by your actions. Your actions here were not honorable, and are really nasty because you did it at the holidays.
Acting like Paris 'Jilting' Hilton is NOT attractive, she's decent looking and famous, but she's a very ugly person because of the games that she plays with people, and the way she treats them.
My advice is to grow up here, fix the mess you made, and deal with what people think of you for it. Ben will be hurt and angry, but as I said, he has a right to be. Everyone you told has a right to comment. It's not going to be easy, but fix it. NOW, please.
When you've done that, you might just learn something, and learning is always good, especially when it comes to how you need to act around and treat other people. Look at it this way: how would you feel if a guy that you were friends with did this to YOU at the holidays??? Would you think that it was right, fair or ethical? Would you like it if he kept you hanging on, when he really wanted someone else for a gf, because of what other people might think? Nope, you wouldn't like it at all, and that's the point. What you did, you wouldn't want someone else to do to you. THINK about that, to the best of your ability, and stop acting like a Diva who thinks she can use anyone she wants to.
Start treating people with respect, and you might just grow up to become a good person. I'd start now if I were you.
I'm not pissed at you, I don't even know you. You asked for advice and I'm just telling you what I think. It's rather obvious that I don't think highly of it, but you CAN stop the games, stop using people, stop thinking like a sheep in a herd, and become your own person. We all have to take responsibility for our actions, and that includes you. *Drop the crowd mentality and treat Ben fairly* is the first step. After that, it's up to you. You can be a bimbo or a lady. Do you really want to be known as a bimbo? Didn't think so. Men use them gladly, but seldom respect them.
Good luck. You know in your heart what you need to do, but don't want to face it. Just do it, for your own sake. This is the real world, and it's not play acting. Not easy either, but you'll learn. I hope that you make the right choice.
Either way, Happy Holidays.
2006-12-23 09:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you shouldn't have gone out with Ben in the first place. I've broken up with a guy for the same reason. I do feel kind of bad still though. But I think you should be with this Connor. No matter what anyone else thinks. Good luck.
2006-12-23 08:06:10 · answer #2 · answered by Grace 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you like Connor better. Than tell Ben that you didn't feel any thing yesterday, and want to remain friends and stay in contact. Than like a week from today, start going out with Connor. If people start talking tell them to shut up because none of its true. Good Luck! and Happy Holidays!
2006-12-23 08:08:16 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why hook up with Ben who you are not sure of and then ditch the one you REALLY liked? see, that is how life is for some; they go with the person that is there not thinking whether or not they are for you; then the one you really want to be with, you don't get with them; Ain't no confusion in this; the question is without you worrying about all the people pleasing is, who do want to be with? If you "think" or have to guess if you like him, you don't need to be with him and you may have to think this through and let him know how you feel. Then there is Connor; will he have you if you do this thing? Think carefully before you thread because your dealing with folks hearts and lives.
2006-12-23 08:19:42 · answer #4 · answered by savvyladydiamond 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first off the longer you live a lie the more damage its going to do.If you don't want to be with Ben it isn't going to take him or anyone else very long to figure it out.
Best thing for you to do is bite the bullet and tell Ben and everyone else the truth.apologize and admit that it was a horrible reason to do it.But also state that it made you angry so you were not thinking at the time.
Tell, Conner you like him and would like to be with him and let time heal the rest of things.
Yes, you are going to get some bad treatment for this but in the end you will get the respect for coming clean and not hurting anyone any further.
2006-12-23 08:08:20 · answer #5 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Break up with ben you don't like him that way. Tell him you only like him as a friend. You like him so much as a friend you thought you could be more but you just can't. Tell him you don't want to ruin your friendship by having a really bad break up later on so it's just better to end it know.
Wait awhile before you go after the other guy. Maybe like a month. Ask ben his opinion of conner. Try to break the news that you are going to be with another guy slowly and carefully.
2006-12-23 08:09:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe explain to Ben that you dont have those kind of feelings for him. I had a lieing relationship for 6 months, now i think im losing my best friend. I thought i loved him, but i wasnt sure. All my friends hated him, we ended the relationship, now i feel like i have no friends. Talk to Ben about this akward relationship. Talk to the other people too. It's best to end a relationship b4 it goes to far into a lie. Think about if you really like Connor, is he worth a chance of losing a friend? Or more than one?
2006-12-23 08:08:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should follow your heart but remember that a lot of people could get hurt by your actions. Honesty is really important, you should tell Ben what you feel even if it´s really hard and he gets pissed at you. If Connor is the one you like tell him. I know this could bring you many problems but in my opinion you should be honest. Good luck!
2006-12-23 08:58:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u should wait and see wat happens with Ben! since u just started yesterday it's all still new .. i mean there's always something about every person u're with that makes them special. Connor may be all that but give Ben a chance, only cuz there has to be something that will make u want to stay with him.
and if it doesn't work out between you and Ben, you can alway break it off .. but don't do it right now ..
life's too short .. so make sure u stop and smell ALL the roses :D
cheers!
2006-12-23 08:16:13 · answer #9 · answered by myorangesun 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Whoa.... take a deep breathe and think. If you think you and Ben are better friends.. TELL HIM. Really he'll understand. You don't want to live a lie. And the thing with Connor, let it run its course. If your friends are telling you to stay with Ben, it's not their heart, its not their feelings, it's yours everything. So think, who and what makes YOU happy, not what makes your friends happy. Hope this helps.
2006-12-23 08:07:16 · answer #10 · answered by redneckshorty84 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okkk.....well first of all....if was wrong of you to go out with Ben because someone else didn't want you to.....especially because you don't even like Ben that way in the first place.
You should try saying this to Ben: "We are really close friends...and I think that when we break up, things will be weird between us. So I think we should break up now before we fall for eachother bigtime!!" If he doesn't agree with you, then dump him. If he agrees with you then he is a true friend, and undersands you, and your feelings
2006-12-23 08:11:26 · answer #11 · answered by spartamonkey14 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋