Many people believe no one should change themselves except FOR themselves. To better their lives. Like quitting smoking or drinking (or both). like being more active or smiling more. So many have told me 'do it for yourself', however I ask this, what if doing it for myself is not enough? We all need motivation at times and I feel motivated to make changes to be with someone I want to be with. I worry about resentment down the road though. I have much to give deeper thought. There is nothing wrong with making changes for yourself or for others, if it comes from a good place, but how do you know? It being close to that NEW YEARS RESOLUTION time, I am giving this a lot of thought. I have someone I like a lot, want to be with in a relationship but also feel there are limitiations and expectations put out before that can happen. Sometimes when I think on it I feel motivated to make those changes and sometimes I feel anger to not be liked as I am now. I just wanted to put this out there...
2006-12-23 07:36:48 · 8 answers · asked by Ducati_Chic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
This is a tricky question, but I'll wrap some thought around it anyhow..Weekly we are bombarded by self-help Guru's who expound to us the asininity of changing for others, apart from what we would change on our own. But I postulate another point of view...What is wrong with meeting someone who motivates you to be the best human being you can be? If you are lucky enough to meet someone who makes you look at yourself and see what you could be with some work or help...where is the harm? I'm not talking about someone who bullies, belittles or beats you into changing. But their presence makes you want to rise to new heights..Chile' go for it. If enough folks were blessed with healthy relationships like that, Psychiatrist world wide would be out of business...Ya heard? Because the changes you make would be the letting go of behaviors or habits that hindered your personal development in the past, you'd want to mature into a functional whole person...
2006-12-23 08:00:13 · answer #1 · answered by every woman 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I UNDERSTAND!!!
Only if they are good changes. It's more like growing up on the inside. I have had to do this myself. I've always been a bit of a red neck/bull headed/ stubborn/ it's my way or the highway kinda gal but I've toned it down tremendously! It is still in there though & it will never completely go away. I think it's a good thing cause, sometimes you have to be tough, life is not always candy coated. I married a wonderful, hard working, kind, decent, do anything for me, kinda guy but he is a Justice of the Peace, A Deputy & an Elected Official. His family is sorta uppity too & somtimes find me odd, but he knows the real me and it's ok. When it comes down to the nitty gritty of things I'm pretty strong and reliable, can use power tools, build stuff, clean a fish & deer, haul in fire wood, be a little saucy and know how to turn him on. You know like a real woman, woman, but can also put on a dress got to functions and be sweet. He has brought that part out of me, some quality's in me I didn't know even existed.
So YES, it is a good thing to make some life changes sometimes but just don't loose yourself. I think there is something in every one of us that we could make better don't you? By you even being aware of certain bad habits that you mentioned and much more you are probably thinking about, you must see room for improvemnet or it would not even be an issue. It can't just be a New Years Resoultion, it has to be for your own self worth & security within. Kinda feels good to hold your head up & have someone smile back at you. And someday if you have kids, they will be proud to have such a well rounded parent who can see & explain both sides of life!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TOO!!
2006-12-23 07:39:47 · answer #2 · answered by char__c is a good cooker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the reason you have to do it for yourself is because the changes your making for another person wont last and the ones you make purely for you will.. If someone can't except you as you are and this includes the bad, then how is that relationship supposed to last.. really loving someone is not just about the good things about them- it's also about the bad.. find a new girl :) :) :)
2006-12-23 07:41:36 · answer #3 · answered by sexton 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If those changes will help YOU in the end, like quitting drinking, then it's fine. If it means giving up something you still want, like a career or a home, then it's unacceptable.
2006-12-23 14:48:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes its very acceptable, but only if ur partner is willing to do the same because every1 has sumthin they dont like in others (even luved ones) but changin da really bad/annoyin things make it easier but its also easier said than done, change is sumtimez difficult so bear wit em
2006-12-23 07:39:34 · answer #5 · answered by haitian_child 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a two way street, both make changes to please our mate. Sometime changes are good to make things better in our relationship. You two talk about it.
2006-12-23 07:40:45 · answer #6 · answered by m c 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can better yourself, for someone else. As long as those changes aren't major.
2006-12-23 07:39:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont mention the changes that are required of you, they may be entirely ridicules, so I can not answer your question without knowing more.
2006-12-23 08:26:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋