Own child or adoption?

Question

Me and my husband are considering having a child. I really want my own child so I can say he/she is my own and he/she can have genes of mine and my husbands but my heart tells me to use the adoption method. Something I knew I'd like to do as a child. Any ideas on what to do??

Also has any one adopted before and could tell me what it is like?

Thanks x

Also...I don't know if my husband wants to adopt but I really do as I have wanted to do so from an early age...but I really love my husband and don't want to upset him!

Answer 1

I've always wanted to have a child of my own, not to pass on genes or anything, but because I would like to experience pregnancy once. I will consider adopting all my other children.
You are wise to talk to other parents who have adopted before to get an idea of what its like, have you got in touch with your local council or anything to just ask about the adoption process? They would be best placed to let you know who to talk to before you make your decision.

Answer 2

My daughter‘s husband was sterile (from competitive mountain biking) and they did everything possible to have their own child.
But this was impossible. So she applied for adoption and chose
to take on the challenge of saving a young child. The boy, at the
time, was about two and could do next to nothing as he had a
very serious heart problem that required several surgeries. It
was that his heart did not pump blood in the correct way and he
would soon be dead. It was a complicated affair since she had to
sign several documents committing herself to have the surgeries
done as soon as possible, all on her own account. After a couple
of months and much persuasion, she brought the child home. He
is a happy little boy now, has a mummy and daddy and is quickly
picking up to his real age. With two surgeries performed, and one
to go (this to allow the heart tissue to develop itself) he is a happy
normal little boy.

So here is one side of your answer. How does my daughter and
husband feel about the child? I never asked, but from what I feel
I really believe she feels more of a mother than she would have
felt if the boy had been a natural child. The father also. And
the child seems to have a seventh sense because he respects
both as I have not seen in any other child/parent relationship. Love
is so abundant and noticeable! It is truly heartwarming to see.

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to both. Iain

Answer 3

A friend of the family has two biological children and one adopted child. She adopted the one after 10 yrs of trying to get pregnant- she found out she was pregnant 10 days after the paperwork was signed! She had the second of her bio kids last Easter. She loves all of her children equally, and is seriously considering adopting another child because the experience was so rewarding. The only advice I'd have from watching her experience is to make sure you're on birth control while you go thru the adoption process so you don't have to do both at once... ;)
We wanted to adopt too, because I was sick a few years ago and couldn't be pregnant and on medication at the same time. It's a lengthy process- several months, involving screenings, interviews, home visits and classes with social workers, legal processes, lots of almost- got- a- kid situations. I have bipolar disorder (in remission now), and was turned down. I now have a bio son, and am (I think) pregnant with my second.

Answer 4

Go for adoption or both if you can!!

I have my own kids. However I was one of those foster kids from 5 to 15 (when i moved out on my own) I was bounced around IDK how many foster homes. I'm 20 and my 7 year old passed away when he was 2 but I also have a 2 almost 3 year old and a newborn.

I know I would never be accepted to adopt kids so thats the only reason I have my own. If I could adopt in the future I would to save kids from a life of foster care or ending up with a foster/adopted parent that beats or sexually abuses them. The way I look at it there are soo many babies/kids already out in the world that are just waiting for love.

Answer 5

I was adopted when I was four, Im now 52. My adopted parents couldn't have been better if I had been born to them. Choosing to adopt as child is a very serious matter and should not be taken lightly. When I was young people used to think it was strange to be adopted my answer to this was " my parents wanted me, that why they adopted me, can you say the same" I think the answer is in this statement.
Adopted a child has many rewards, and as long as you are honest with them and tell them they were adopted and that you chose them because you love them, the fact that your not their natural mother and father will make no difference.
One of my happiest moments was when one of my parents old friends who they hadnt seen for a long time and hadn't seen me, and didnt know I wa adopted said " doesn't she look like you, shes even got the ********* chin.
So my advice is think carefuly what can you want, and let your heart be your guide.

Answer 6

I know a lot of people who are unable to have a child and for some reason they don't want to adopt.

I think adoption is a great idea; although I would try to have my own first.

There are so many children out there who need to be adopted. So it's wonderful that you have that option in mind!

Answer 7

The best answer you received was the one that said to do both. have a birth child, then when you are ready, explore adoption. you must understand that as a couple able to have your own birth children, you are not likely to qualify for an infant. When you adopt, if you are willing to take a child with special needs, older than an infant, and/or racially mixed, you are much more likely to recieve a child. If you want only an infant blond-haired, blue-eyed, "perfect' caucasian child...not very likely. Couples who are open to accepting and being thrilled with whatever child is brought to them are much more likely to receive a child. have a birth child, gain experience, research adoption (talk to the social services department in your county), then in a few years you may be ready to adopt. I hope it works out well for you.

Answer 8

anyone can open there legs and produce a child, but it takes hard work and dedication to be a parent!

adoption can take a while.. and everyone always wants the little ones, so the older children get left out.. i am about to have a baby due in 5 weeks.. but as it grows older i am seriously going to consider fostering or adopting an older child for his/her sibling..

some people just dont have the inner spirit to look after "someone elses" child.. but if u do then pls pls consider it seriously...

good luck xx

Answer 9

Whilst it is very noble and somewhat in fashion to adopt, I don't think that many adoptions agencies would consider your application in this country.

However, I really do believe that once a child is yours - whether by birth or adoption - you will feel the same overwhelming love for him/her.

Should you decide to adopt then you would surely be giving an unwanted child (for whatever reason) a fantastic start in life.

Answer 10

why not do both. that way you can give a child in need a good home and also pass your genes on. only do this if you know you can treat both children the same, if you feel that once you have your own you will not be able to treat the adopted child the same way, dont do it, it is too unfair to the children. good luck tho there is to many children in the care of social services who need good homes. what you want to do is give one of them the biggest gift you could possibly give. congratulations :-)