Im going away early next yr to Oz and will be gone for a year possibly 2? When i made this decission i split up with my gfriend of 4yrs as i thought it was unfair to carry on our relationship as she at Uni and would have a great time if she single, plus ill be 10000 miles away and would never see her. Now 6 months later we have started going back out, she has slept with someone else in this time-which is a bit of a turn off. Also i dont feel like i have my independence now, she says any decision i make i would have to see what she thinks first. I think i still love her-but not sure if getting back with her is the right thing, and scared to hurt her feelings AGAIN! I just wanna be able to do what i wanna do when i wanna do it, but not to hurt her feelings. When im with her i feel i miss what we had and when im not im kinda of regreting making up. I really dont know what to do?
2006-12-23 07:01:36 · 22 answers · asked by simpleiwish 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
One rule has served me as a very good compass for much of my life: WHEN IN DOUBT, DON'T.
2006-12-23 07:03:52 · answer #1 · answered by David545 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, instead of blowing hot and cold, it's best just try and see how it goes until you go away.
You'll have plenty of time away from her once you're around the world, and you can then very easily say that you do feel happy on your own after all.
But, i think that you do love her despite being attracted by the unknown.
You already regret letting her go the first time, and feels cheated that she went to someone else; Eventually you will resent her if you do go back to her again after dumping her and finding out she's been with someone else.
There's no rush to make a decision. Take the time to see how you really feel.
She does seem important enough to you.
It's true she's bound to change, and yes, it's good she must be a good person and an attractive one, so she won't be long on her own. Someone is bound to be happy helping her recover.
So, take your time, thinking carefully about what is important to you.
Good luck.
2006-12-23 15:25:16 · answer #2 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is easy. She slept with someone else so now you have every right to feel pissed off and end it. Your reasons for being away make sense to me and yes, whilst you are away, she may cheat on you, if she's single she can either wait your return or do what the hell she wants to - she has choice, what would she do? That will show true loyalty. Maybe she slept with another guy because in women's logic 'show him what you are missing/revenge for breaking up with me!" but that is not the point. Sleeping with others should only be done when you are single in my book and I get the impression this was after you got back together - any playing around risks infections and damages trust.
I think you are better off staying friends and being good friends. You may regret it, you may not, but at the moment you want other things and it is about loyalty to each other and what you want more. You want someone you can love and it is hard to love someone when they betray you and go with someone else when they claim they love you.
Do your Australia trip, and if its meant to be she'll have waited for you as a singleton. If she can't, nothing lost, you broke up with her and you'll meet someone else. If the vibes you feel are you want a change, I would go with them. I find my intuition is usually right and when I ignore it, I usually wish I had listened to it.
A lot can happen in two years...Get out there and experience it.
2006-12-23 15:13:58 · answer #3 · answered by The Mole 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am abit older , But I will not say Wiser :) But if you have bad feelings or feelings of being Controlled or not being able to be yourself ..Maybe you already know the answer to your Question.Its nice to be with someone its true , but not if it means Losing Yourself in the process. I am sure there are many Females who would want to spend time with you and who would give you the space you need too. Best of Luck to You & Remember True Happiness comes from within :)& Sometimes , People often Mistake Good Friends for Lovers and the Comfort of being with someone as Love ..Take a Real Good Look ok ~ Big Hugs to you & best of Luck @ Uni & in Life too
2006-12-23 16:22:20 · answer #4 · answered by Shelley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its definetely a difficult situation. The problem of the matter is that regardless that she slept with someone else, you werent with her at the time so you cant be mad at her, or yourself...sometimes **** just happens that way.
But for her to be controlling what you and dont do, thats not a relationship. I mean you say you want to be with her because you miss her when you are not, you have to look at it in the long run. if you cut it off now it will be easier, than 2 years down the road...when you just added 2 years of emotional connection and ties to her AGAIN.
Its sorta a lose-lose situation, because you dont know if your attitude and outlook will adjust down the road. You said it yourself...when you are not with her, you kinda regret making up.
2006-12-23 15:09:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just got dumped by my bf, and though it hurt, I know he was sure that was what he wanted. She should have known when you got back together that you were still going to OZ (wicked by the way- am so jealous!) so she cannot demand that you check with her before making any decisions! You don't sound really happy, and everyone deserves to be with someone who makes them really happy, so I'd end it with her- she seemed to get over it quite quickly last time, so I'm sure she'll be fine. Hope you will be too. Just do what feels right for you- and only you.
2006-12-23 16:49:40 · answer #6 · answered by jowigley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you made a deal with the devil. First of all you are not married so you really don't need her permission to decided anything. Secondly you sound confused you don't know if you want to be single and love it or if you want this relationship.I say tell her you are confused and you need space. You never second guess yourself in relationships you should not have went back. When it's over that's it you go forward in life not back.
2006-12-23 15:09:46 · answer #7 · answered by sun4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not being mean...but this is hardly the love of the century is it?
Be a big boy....tell her that you have had a great time with her and that you will always remember her and that there will be days for years to come that you will think about her. Sometimes with pleasure, sometimes with sadness, most times with both.
She doesn't care enough to go with you...you don't care enought to stay...don't feel bad about it. Much worse that you allow guilt to make you do the wrong thing thing by both of you!!
Good luck to you both!
2006-12-23 15:17:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just try to forget the past 4 years and think about the future with her.
-it seems like you could chat online with her and try to be as close as possible with her shes a nice girl dont let her go-
2006-12-23 15:09:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Split up now. If you are so unsure then you are not suited to each other. If she has had someone else in the interim then she was hardly saving herself for you, which may sound old-fashioned but I believe it to be relevant.From what you say you don't love her but merely Lust for her. If you feel she is ruling your life then it's not worth it.
2006-12-23 15:32:41 · answer #10 · answered by bilbotheman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not 100% sure about getting back together with her, it's better not to. Otherwise, you'd just be setting both yourself and her up for a lot of heartache later.
2006-12-23 15:04:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋