Both are very immature. He doesn't like either of her 2 girlfriends, and gets angry when she goes over to their houses, etc. He's in the army reserves and will do his specialized training 7/07. They want to get married right after high school graduation in 6/07. She will then go to the base while he's in training in another state. His grades are horrible, and her's are about a B avge. She wants to go to college. They have no concept of what real life finances are like. They think his army salary will pay for living expenses, college. She says she will stay at the base even when he is deployed - away from her firends, family, a college. Last time they were separated -for his basic training, they broke up, and he threatened to come after her friend (friend and a boy) She often cries when on the phone with him. He is suspicious she is doing things he doesn't want her to do. She is determined to go through with this, and wants to get out of the house; not listening to friends,fami
2006-12-23 05:59:06 · 32 answers · asked by musicforalllife 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Nothing. Life will teach her the errors or it will teach you yours. It's her choice and you trying to interfere will make it worse.
2006-12-23 06:01:36 · answer #1 · answered by ebush73 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Difficult situation that your daughter has and you also. Suppose all you can do is talk with her and sound supportive but spell out the realities of live to her. It doesn't sound as if this relationship would last if they were foolish enough to marry (but at that age they often believe that is the person for them for eternity). If she indeed does go through with it then please show her support and wish her much happiness. But afterwards (if things do indeed go stale and she returns home all broken hearted) do not point your finger and say I told you so, but instead be there for her to comfort her etc.. I married my first wife when I was 18 and it lasted for 2 years. We believed that we were destined for each other and would not listen to anything anyone would say. Luckily today we are close friends and this union did produce a wonderful son who is now 31 years old. It's a tough age and kids sometimes think and believe that they are so much smarter than their parents and believe that they are so mature when in fact they are still kids wanting to act like adults. Hopefully this guy will go to training and become infatuated with a female recruit or someone else. If he indeed threatens her friends she would be wise to have a restraining order placed against him and kick him to the curb, because if he is this controlling before marriage imagine how life will be post wedding. Good luck to you with this situation and I do hope for you that he and/or she comes to realize that they are not yet mature enough to accept the responsibilities of married life.
2006-12-23 06:09:37 · answer #2 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound exactly like my mom when i first my first real bf, unfortunately theres nothing you can do or say to make her change her mind, trust me. We think we are making the right choice at the time and belive me there's nothing that my mother could have done or said to make me think otherwise, This might be hard to do but let her go. I guarantee you that you will have your daughter in less than 6 months the only thing you can do is be there for her when she comes back. I do regret leaving my mom's home and not listening to her but then again how would i have become this responsible. I am now living back with her and i'm pursuing my goals, I also have a child which keeps me extremely happy. I'm not saying this is the answer but teenagers can only learn by mistakes and personal experience. She will realize what a jerk he is and begin appreciating what she had at home. I know it's going to be difficult like I said but it's better than pushing her away. You have to support her because when her relationship falls thru she has to feel like she can run back to you or else she might do somethign even more stupid. Hope this helps a bit.
2006-12-23 06:07:56 · answer #3 · answered by d 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Generally, kids listen to their parents ACTIONS rather than their words.
Did you get married young, to an immature controlling man?
If so, that might explain why your daughter is doing the exact same thing!
Honestly, there is nothing that you can stay to stop your daughter - in a couple of months, she'll be 18 and legal, and she can do whatever she wants.
BTW, actually a teenage married couple with no kids can live pretty well on an Army enlisted person's salary - they get low cost housing, free health care and subsidized prices in the PX so it might not be as bad an idea as you think it is.
As far as college goes, there are usually community colleges near most Army bases, and she might even be able to get special financial assistance as the wife of a soldier.
2006-12-23 06:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As the parent of a 17 y.o. I know there's not much you can tell them cause they know everything! This guy sounds like he has the potential to be an abuser, at least emotionally. He's trying to control, isolate and intimidate her. Unfortunately there's not a lot you can do if she's going to be 18 when she graduates.Letting our kids make mistakes is the hardest thing we have to do. The more you object, the more adamant she'll be. Let her know that if she has regrets, you'll be there for her with open arms. She'll need a lot of support when she grows up and realizes she's made a mistake.
There is a (small) chance that this guy she's hooked up will grow up in the military. If that happens, good, but don't count on it.
2006-12-23 06:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds very difficult. I'm glad you're trying to help her. This might sound backward, but it's just a thought - maybe it would be better for her to move in with him instead of getting married. Then, when the reality of finances and him being gone, etc. kicks in, she can leave without having to get divorced. Sounds like she's going to have to learn some things the hard way. You could try to get her to draw up a budget. Maybe you could *show* her how much stuff costs... get out the paper and go to the rental section. Show her what kind of apartment she could rent on his salary. Ask her what bills she will have and write out the whole budget...
2006-12-23 06:08:19 · answer #6 · answered by L T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, sounds like me. I did the same thing at that age. It just seems there is no changing their minds at this age. Pushing them to slow down or make a better decision, seems to just push them toward the wrong decision even more.
It's a very bad sign that he is already controlling her friends, and what she can do. It's not going to change, but only get worse. She will feel like she is married to her father. ( a father figure ) Let her know that marriage is about being with your best friend and companion. Someone who supports any decision you make, and may show concerns, yet not make final decisions for you. The controlling will only get worse. Tell her this is coming from experience. Once there are children involved, it's much harder. I'm 23, I got married at age 18. Still am married.
Good luck to you.... Email me if you need to... :)
2006-12-23 06:10:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ohh boy, I have seen this one too many times. Look you know the old saying. "you can bring a horse to water but you cant make them drink it".
This is the place you are at with your daughter.Shes still young and immature but on the other hand only a year away from being considered an adult.If I was you in a last stitch effort I would ask her to do one thing with you.You sit at the kitchen table across from each other and both have a piece of paper.You tell her you both are going to make a list of the pro's and con's of this relationship and future marriage.She will write more pro's than con's for sure but you will for definitely have more sensible con's than her.When your both done you read each others paper.Shes certainly not going to change her mind right there but it will plant a seed more being read then spoken.
No matter what she does you have to make her believe that if she does this marriage that she is on her own.That your not going to keep playing yo-yo with her and going and bringing her back home so as to watch her run right back.Let her know, its her life and that she can ruin it if she wants but you tried to tell her and show her the reality that's going to bite her in the butt. Much sooner than later.
2006-12-23 06:10:38 · answer #8 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop telling her "no." She wants to do what she wants to do. She WILL do what she wants to do. The more you tell her "no" the more she will want to do it. How do I know this? I'm the exact same way. The stubborn, strong-willed, rebellious streak pops up every now and again at the worst of moments. Don't try to discourage her. I know you only want what is best for your daughter. Make it clear you want what would make her the happiest, but do not--I repeat, DO NOT--tell her it's not a good idea. Only if she asks, should you say anything about it. This is about picking your fights with her, as badly as I hate to say it.
This is still seven months away. Things could change. I don't know if you hold to any type of religion or denomination, but the only other thing I can suggest to do for your daughter is pray. Perhaps, unlikely but anything can happen, she will see for herself what a good idea it isn't.
2006-12-23 06:08:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
say "YOUR GROUNDED" !!!
Nah, Really this is a difficult question. A 17 yr old girl and guy generally think they know everything and that your just trying to 'stop her from being happy'. Of course your not... Well I hope not. LOL. Depending on your relationship with your daughter (ie can you talk to each other about anything) to either talk to her in general conversation to find out more and have a rational conversation or try to find a friend to talk to her (don't let her know that you asked the friend). I hope it works out and she realizes before making a mistake but as the other guy said.... She might just have to work it out for herself....
MOST IMPORTANTLY
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If you have a discussion about it, then do the following
1 - Listen carefully about what she says
2 - Let her finish her sentence and reasons why she likes this guy.
3 - Do not judge her - If she thinks your judging her she wont talk to you about it... Remember, shes 17 and thinks shes doing the right thing....
Hope this helps
2006-12-23 06:17:19 · answer #10 · answered by Peter S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Coming from someone who was in that situation already. This seems like another marriage that will go wrong in many ways. Statistics say that 70% of the marriages that happen before the age of 30 end up in divorce. Also the guy seems like HE himself is doing something on the side because when guys are suspicious of their GF is because they think the girl is doing the same thing. Get a private investigator to check on this guy and get some proof
2006-12-23 06:06:45 · answer #11 · answered by rush805 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋