What to do about a note I found in my sons pocket?

Question

I was doing laundry and while cleaning out pockets I found a note to his "g-friend" (PLEASE NOTE, I WASNT snooping, so no rude answers from people who think I am overbearing) He is in 7th gr. so when I do laundry, I clean out his pockets because they are always full of typical 7th gr. crap. This note said "My parents said I had to scrub every inch of the house and do extra chores for a week if I want to go to the movies w/you. They f**g suck!"
I NEVER said that ! We are pretty laid back parents, & dont have problems w/him. He does have chores (dishes, trash) When he asked to go, even tho I think he is a bit too young, I said sure, but he would need to go in a group & do some extra chores to earn the money, because if he is "dating", I'm not handing him free money. (We arent rich& I thinkhe should earn it) I said it nicely & he wasnt upset. SO, why is he telling his freinds we are mean? Should I leave the note w/his other pocket stuff, confront him, what? (He will know I saw it)

Answer 1

I would say he didn't send it or give it to her because it was in his pocket when you washed it.He wouldn't have got the note back, She would have kept it or dumped it.Meaning he re-thought what he wrote. Toss the note in the trash He probably forgotten all about it (He was just verbablizing his feelings at the time.To work sucks you know but we all have to do it.

I would sit down later date not saying any thing about the note and explain son you know we are not rich. I just feel as a family we all need to participate in the chores and teach you that money does not grow on trees. I want you to feel proud that you earned it. I know at the time your doing the chores it must be a real bummer hard work.. But after you receive that money I am so proud of you and I bet you are proud too because You earned it yourself. I bet when you use that money your more careful on how you spend it.
I never handed my son free money growing up. He did chores because he was part of a family.
He now states at 27 he glad because he knows how to budget and the value of a dollar and is a district manger for a big change because he learned these valuable lessons at a young age.
When he was in high school he earned all his money for extra activities he worked all summer kept grades up and was on the football team.
Kids say things like this about all parents there just being kids don't take it personal. Think back about your own parents when they were teaching you this same lesson.
Hugs Diane

Answer 2

I think that you just hand him the note with all his other pocket stuff. (Maybe depending on the kind of relationship you have with your son) Let him know that you read it and explain to him that if he doesn't want to go to th movies with this girl that he should be honest with her and turn her down politely instead of making things up.
It is never too early to teach a boy how to be a man.
If you guys don't have the greatest relationship, I would just hand him the note with his other pocket stuff and leave it at that. He will probably assume that either you read and that you aren't going to freak out. OR that you didn't read and that he can trust you.
Either way I really don't think making a big deal about it is going to solve anything. He is a boy in grade 7 and children do tend to exaggerate.
Good for you for teaching your son the value of a dollat instead of just handing it over to him.

Answer 3

He is telling his peers his parents are mean in order to keep up with his peers. ALL kids have mean parents at this age...it's called puberty. Leave the note where it is and don't let on that you saw it. However I do suggest that you INSIST that he clean out his pockets before putting clothes in the laundry you can tell him that if he has stuff in his pockets he doesn't want you to see to make sure all pockets are empty because you check pockets before loading the washing machine. That won't give away that you saw the note but will give him a heads up that you DO clean out pockets and would probably find something he didn't want you to find.

Answer 4

Make an appointment with the teacher in the class where he cheated, let them know you will be bringing your son to discuss what you found. Tell your son to meet you at the school office and then say nothing and lead him to the meeting. Explain to the teacher what you found, bring it, show them. Ask what the teacher would suggest be done; failing grade, suspension, etc. There are school policies for this type of behavior and some teachers have additional classroom policies too. He should get whatever can be thrown at him. I suggest you also start to take things away; car, bike, TV, computer, iPod, etc. Things that really make his life great. Take them away indefinately, he has to prove to you he is not doing this any longer. Put him back on restriction too, for the rest of the school year.

Answer 5

Just leave the note there, don't mention it. It is totally normal stuff, I don't know anyone who DIDN'T do that as a kid (except my husband....but his mom was totally cool) If he feels guilty about it, he'll bring it up, and probably in a defensive manner because he does feel guilty. If he doesn't bring it up, it's because it wasn't a big deal to him and it's forgotten.

Why would you let it bother you so much? Do you *feel* mean? I personally think your expectations are fair, doing chores etc to earn money, our kids do that and they are much younger (our oldest is in 6th grade) I remember the best thing my mom ever did for me was say that I could use her as an excuse to get out of things I didn't feel comfortable with....hanging out with guys, smoking, drinking, etc. I'd say "My mom is so mean, she'd kick me out of the house if she ever found out"

Technically it WAS snooping, because you could have chosen to leave it folded and just put it in a pile. Hence the saying, an ear at the door hears more than it cares to.

Answer 6

He may not be lying to his friends, that could just be the way that he interpreted it. You could have said it in a way that he perceived as mean or bossy. Did you tell him why he needed to do extra chores? Because you didnt want him to get "free money"? If you did then maybe just sit down with him and let him voice his concerns. Communicating is always the best source.

Answer 7

Don't get confused on the issues here. What he wrote is far more important than any accusations of snooping. If he does accuse you of that, (and he probably will), he is just trying to divert the issue to blaming you for something he did. You'll probably have a scene on your hands (aren't teenage boys wonderful at drama?) and you may have it more than once. The issue is did he mean what he wrote? Was he trying to be the "big man", or does he have resentments you don't know about. You'll probably have to tell him that when he is ready, you and your hubby need to discuss this note with him....THEN..you can discuss whether you were snooping or not. But don't let him bully you into not discussing it. Don't make it punitive, but communication between you, especially given his age, is too important to blow off.

Answer 8

Ignore it, he's not out to get you, at least not yet. It's just a stupid note that that if you didn't find you wouldn't have known any different and go on with life as it was before so do just that because its no big deal.

Answer 9

He was probably looking forward to his first big 'romantic' date with his girl and was way too embarrassed to tell her he would have to go in a group.

They maybe had plans of kissing in the back row and it's been ok with her parents but not you. At his age it's easier to make out the chores are what stopped him rather than admit he isn't 'grown up' enough in your eyes for a one on one date.

If you are getting what you want by him not going out on a proper date with his girl I would just ignore the note and be glad youre getting your way, no matter how you get it. You now the truth as does he, being ecconomical with it to his peers is normal teenaged behaiour.

Karma.
x

Answer 10

I said a few things I regret to my mother when I was about the same age. I think she did the right thing and just let it slide because eventually when my mind was mature enough to realize all the mean things I had said in the end it made me want to show my mother how much I really do love her.

In this instance, I wouldn't confront him about the note otherwise he will most likely just write another one saying how much you F###ing suck because you read his note. Just let it slide it's all part of growing up he will realize who is really there for him in a few years and you guys will have an amazing relationship trust me!