Friends or lovers?

Question

I'm 38 , she's 37 and we've had our very close friendship for the past 13 years. I happen to love her vey very much , She's number one issue in my life . I've invested an enormous amount of time & effort and feelings in her. My friend has problems connecting with people , she's a very demanding & difficult person to deal with. This has left her with very few friends & far-between & unsuccessful relationships.
As of lately , I've mustered enough courage to tell her about my feelings. We've had a very long discussion about it. The conclusion is ; even though she thinks very highly of me as a friend & as a person ,she is unable to make the transition in her mind from the 'Friend" to "lover".She thinks this transition is almost impossible.I wasn't really convinced , but Ok.Our friendship continued for a month or two.Then I reopened the love talk and she said nothing has changed.
Do I stand a chance with her ? If yes..how ? If not ...I weep ....:-(

Answer 1

I hate to say this, because I have been in -exactly- this same position with a friend of mine, but I think it's a lost cause.

Making the transition is not so hard, lots of people do it. But, the fact that you took the initiative...and were so soundly rejected...more than once...is a bad sign.

Stay friends, if you can stand it. If you insist on recurring monthly rejection sessions, eventually one of you is going to snap...it's not going to wear her down in a good way. She knows how you feel, and at least for now, doesn't care.

Maybe pull back a little and think about what you really want to do with your life. Maybe she'll miss you, maybe you'll find someone new. But, while you're pouring all your energy into this current situation you can't do anything but stay where you are...and it doesn't sound like you're ok with that.

Answer 2

If she wants to think in this way then maybe she would like to lose the friendship. She will not change her mind. She would rather complain than give you yours. You were a caring, loyal friend and she wants to be with other guys. So why exactly do you think that she is worth it? She is not. That is the cold truth. She is using you for support but does not care about your needs and wants. Very typical. So what you do is get your balls out and tell her that if she feels above you then she can go to the men that she will have and get support from them.

If you let people take advantage of you then they will. And that is your fault.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

NO, you're friendship evolved into a very close friendship, and thusly you have landed squarely in the "friend zone" No matter how much you try, you will NEVER escape this friend zone..short of pissing her off and unbecoming her friend. So, trust me on this....I have had a similar situation, and received the same answer in a more roundabout way, but most assuredly that friends were all we would be. So either accept it as a good friendship,and look for love elsewhere, or risk pushing the subject and having her send you elsewhere for friends. sorry

Answer 4

Wow,

I thought I was the only one. This is depressingly familiar. You have to realize one thing, she sounds like a good friend of mine, while I love her dearly she is unquestionably "high" maintenance.

We started a romantic involvement and then about 4 years ago, and within a couple of weeks of that decision, I got into a serious accident and when I mentioned that I would need and really appreciated her help and support during my recovery - she mentioned that her dog was sick and she really didn't have the time - yada yada... she became very distant - we finished eating our lunch, I left and spoke with an old friend who said - "You've been basically blind to this for 15 years" Nice to see you come around, finally. We broke up shortly afterwards.

As it happens, my friend is also now mostly friendless but got married to a great guy, but as time has progressed, he constantly walks on eggshells around her and they're marriage is extremely difficult. They spend alot of time apart.

So for yourself it sucks in the short term but you probably need to move on.

Answer 5

No, I thoroughly understand and consider you. I fell in love with one in each of my friends... and however we did no longer surely start up a relationship, I now sense as though i'm no longer able to be around him anymore. it somewhat is not infantile in any respect, some all people is able to stay friends and a few are not. you're appropriate, in case you stayed in touch it could make it lots harder to bypass on. i do no longer understand why she would not understand, yet it somewhat is unhappy that she has to lose you as a chum. i do no longer understand, yet carry in there. via the way, tremendous call. I crave simplicity on occasion besides, yet on the entire i think of complexity makes issues greater interesting.

Answer 6

maybe not... because in those 13 years she could have realised that you might also be the one but she only treated u as friend (until now even after the revelation from you about ur feelings) get over it and just save the friendship

Answer 7

:( friends may not always be friends but her past in relationships made that imposible to consider going back to another relationship. or maybe she vaulie your friendship with her she doesnt want to mess that up. my advice is to respect her wishes and just stick to the friend staus. u dont want to loose her a friend, if u love her u will set her free, do it, good luck

Answer 8

She may have insecurities within her self, and doesn't know how to deal with them. You may be better off moving on. Don't bring any unnecessary baggage into your life.

Answer 9

same old song and dance,,, i just think of you as a friend.... quit wasting your time and move on... in other words she will sleep with everyone but you............