His great grandma is on her death bed, we will be lucky if she makes it until Christmas. The question is, is it best for him to go to her funeral or to stay with someone else. I am not sure how he will handle it. Any comments?
2006-12-23 05:01:55 · 27 answers · asked by powerdiva411 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
The answer really depends. Did your son know his great-grandma very well? Does he understand the concept of death? Will he be able to sit still through things he may or may not understand? If you answered no, then it's probably best that he doesn't go.
2006-12-23 05:04:11 · answer #1 · answered by blackbird23 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for all of this-especially around Christmas time. I just lost both my great-grandmother and great-grandfather in a car accident a couple of months ago- My son's only great-great grandparents... anyways, it's rough, I adored my great-grandmother.
I say if the child was close with his great-grandmother, then let him go if he wishes. You'll probably want to explain things to him so he knows what is going on before he gets there. My cousin brought his 5 yr old daughter to the funeral, and she did just fine. But I think a lot has to do with the parent telling the child what all is going on. I know my parents wouldn't let me go to my great-grandfather's funeral/viewing when I was maybe 10 yrs old... and I feel I missed out. I really wanted to go, but they made me stay with another family member. I think the viewing and funeral gives you some kind of closer that you need to let go, and move forward with your life. Yes 5 is young, but see what your child's wishes are and go from there.
Goodluck, I wish you and your family the best!
2006-12-23 13:20:54 · answer #2 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having the death of my father at age 3 I say No! because at age 5 I was just beginning to understand at the time what death was about. I remember this very vividly How bad I felt how I worried for years if I would lose my mother too when my teacher brought it up about my daddy death.
Your GG would want him to have joy not be upset and crying about her not seeing all the people he loved crying over this Great Grandma . He does not need all the drama at Christmas or be thinking of it as an unhappy time.
Just sit and talk with him after wards about your belief system That GG wanted him to think about her and the love they shared.
My Mom died 2 days after Christmas To this day I still have a little sting of missing her and get a little melancholy at Christmas.
Please I beg you Don't take him..
Hugs for your loss at this time.
Diane
2006-12-23 13:17:39 · answer #3 · answered by dianehaggart 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay with someone else. Christmas and funerals/death do not go well together for a 5 year old....it's his time to be a kid, not spent mourning the loss of someone just to be politically correct to other family members.
2006-12-23 13:06:22 · answer #4 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation as you are and my daughter is three. Children that young do not understand the concept of death. They wouldn't understand why older folks are crying and why his/her great-grandmother is lying in a casket....they would think she is just "sleeping". Even if your son was very close to his great-grandmother, a funeral is a sad experience and it could traumatize him...especially going to the cemetery.
If you HAVE to take your son to the funeral home during the wake, some of them have places where little children can play with toys and be away from all of the grief that everyone else is going through saying goodbye to their loved one.
2006-12-23 13:19:59 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i really don,t think it would hurt to take him to a funeral,but at the same time i don,t think it would really matter if your 5 year old stayed with someone while you went to the funeral.At age 5 he won,t be affected either way is my thoughts on the matter.if you do decide to take him however,i do not think it would be a good idea for him to view the body,i feel this could have an affect on him...he don,t need to see that because it might scare him or confuse him....if you take him just explain that great grandma is leaving to go home and that she is going to go live with the anges and that you are just going to tell her goodbye,and if he sees anyone crying just tell him that they are sad because grandma is leaving but she is going to a better place.....and that she is happy now.
2006-12-23 13:13:11 · answer #6 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should probably not go to the funeral. A five-year old will not understand about death, and all the people and commotion may upset him. However, his parents should take him aside and explain as best they can about the great-grandmother. The child does deserve to know. Look on some parenting websites for advice on explaining death to children.
During the viewing and funeral, the parents should arrange for a babysitter.
2006-12-23 13:05:12 · answer #7 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I was a year old when I went to my first funeral. After that, about 15 of them have followed, and I see myself as no worse for wear--even after my experience when I was 12 (I was told to kiss my great grampa good bye. I made a fuss, got scolded, and did as I was told).
If you explain your beliefs to the little one simply and then say that it's alright, you're just saying goodbye in a nice way (and don't make them kiss a dead person), a funeral is fine. A wake may be too much, and you should keep him far back enough that he can't see your great-grandmother, but even then.
Death is a part of life, and we all face it sometime. Having your son come to terms with it early will make it easier for him in the long run.
2006-12-23 13:06:41 · answer #8 · answered by Helen 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I went through this when my grandmother died and my 4 year old was with me. He didn't know her that well, as we didn't live in the same state. He stayed with remote family members, and this allowed me to grieve without having to worry he would be upset at seeing me upset! I guess funerals can be ok for some kids, but I feel they should go if they themselves have a need to grieve. Otherwise, it can be frightening.
2006-12-23 13:05:31 · answer #9 · answered by Janet B 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well the way I see it is......u could take him with you just to tell him one day that he did attend. But the reality is he probably will not remember it. And at that age they are not really in touch with death and don't understand the meaning. So its really up to you but if I were in your shoes I would let him stay with a friend or other family member so you can pay your respects respectfully & be there for your family.
God Bless you!
2006-12-23 13:12:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋