Parents only: How do you cope with fear of something happening to your children?

Question

I am a first time mom. My son is now 19 mos. old.

Well, though I do pray about this, and try to not get too absorbed with it, I guess I still fear something happening to my son. I know that kids need to explore, play sports, ride bikes, and certainly go places where thier parents can't always be at, but how do you get over the worry?

My own childhood was pretty awful, so I guess I know first hand what can happen to children, and that just makes it worse. Plus, I am a single mom and my son was a true unexpected miracle. So that just makes me worry more about losing him. I just love him so much.

Thanks in advance for any insights you have. I never want my son to feel smothered or held back by my fears as he grows older.

Answer 1

Single mom here....

I feel for you. Here is the BEST thing you can do for your kids in a world that is scary

1 - Love them [duh]

2 - As soon as they are old enough - role play!! In the car, at home, cuddling in bed this is where you can prepare them. 2-3 is usually the age to start. You don't want to scare them, but once they can talk they can ask for help. If a stranger walks up to you and wants you to go see a puppy in his car, would you go? [NO!] what would you do [SCREAM HELP!] If adults can practice speeches and what they will say during a meeting, doesn't this make sense?

A 2 year old can be taught before they eat anything to ask a parent. This is really important with allergies too. And bad strangers lurking...

A 3 year old can dial a phone - get a cell phone [ALWAYS with a child] and teach a child your cell phone #. They can call from school if something really bad happens, they have a lifeline if they are ever lost. A quarter in a pocket, a memorized phone # and life starts to seem a little easier.

A 4 year old can memorize street name, # and directions. Imagine a 4 year old chasing a butterfly around a corner and not knowing where they are. Your child is lost and *poof* instant tears. Unless you have taken walks around the neighborhood and they can recognize things. [that is Sam's mom's house over there, my house is right across from it etc etc etc]

A 5 year old can learn survival skills! Do not MOVE if you are lost. Don't touch a strange dog unless there is an adult there AND you ask your mom. Only mom can tell you if a stranger is good. Policemen are your friends.... If you feel bad about a person maybe it is true and be careful. If someone touches you there without your mom saying ok [ie at the doctor's office!] then tell your mom. etc etc etc

People don't give kids enough trust; trust to trust them, trust in what they are saying and trust that they will make the right choice. Listen to what he says as he gets older, address his fears and comments. And give him the [sheltered] chance to make good choices. You wouldn't let a 4 year old cross a street alone, but a 7 year old can walk into a small store alone to buy a 2L of milk while you wait outside [watching and sweating].

I have full confidence in my 10 year old that if I put her in a situation where she wouldn't be told what to do she would KNOW what to do. Role playing and practice create habits and good choices - it is your responsibility as a parent to create this in your child to make sure they have the best chance. Don't expect the school to teach this. It is your job.

He is a miracle but make sure that you don't keep him on a pedestal. He will fall, and you can catch him. Just do your best to make sure that he is prepared!!! :)

Answer 2

I have the same fears and my kids are 13, and 10. When they were younger I would tell them that if I cannot see them then I cannot protect them. Now when they go out on their own or with their friends I give them a two way radio that goes and works for up to five miles. My 13 year old will take my cell phone if he goes with his friends, the 10 year old does not ever go anywhere by herself unless she has the two way radio. We check it before she goes outside to make sure that we are on the same channel. She thinks that it is cool and so do all of her little friends.
Being frightened for your child is very very normal and you should get help for your past so that you do not repeat history. I did not have a kind and gentle childhood either so I know what you mean. Just keep the faith and realize that at your son's age you are going to be a jumpy worry wart of a mother. Just embrace that for now and enjoy the fact that he cannot get very far from you right now.
Another thing that you can do is when he wants a lil independence outside of your world is to always make sure that he understands "stranger danger".
I hope that this is helpful. If you need to you can IM on yahoo.

Answer 3

I have an 8 and 10 year old and it isa constant fear of mine. I sit around and think of what could happen and try my best to protect them. When they go on a field trip, I feel like I have to follow the bus......I can sometimes make myself physically sick thinking about things. My mom says that it is normal, that the fear of something happening to their children is every mothers fear. I just feel it sometimes overwhelms me. I'm only 29, but have always been pretty protective, as my mother was, which I swore I'd never do. At the ages my children are now, they've only spent the night with my parents and one other friend.

Answer 4

I just figure that I can either deal with the worry and butterflies and being on edge of tears some days thinking about everything, or even when I am watching what they are doing...

Or I can baby them and they might never experience some of the awsome things that happen when you are out in the world.

Right now my babies are only 2 and 3, but my son is a monkey and watching him play on the jungle gym with the bigger kids makes my heart race every time.. I am def scared to know what he will do once he hits 5!

Answer 5

Do your part. Child proof the house, that kind of thing. Then quit worrying. When a kid falls down, don't "mother" them. Watch and see what I mean. If you mother him he will cry if not he will laugh. All the bumps and bruises will educate him to his own limitations. Have faith in their intelligence. Have you noticed the caution a kid will use in going up a stairs. Even when they can walk they will, for a time, crawl up a stairs. When he gets older, just be braced for the times when they will need stitches, it will happen. A shard of glass on the "sand lot" where he plays ball or some danger is always around the corner. Be prepared. Keep a first aid kit a bone up on your nursing skills. Your genuine preparedness (keeping emergency numbers, etc) will keep you level headed and prepared. I know how you feel. I never had any kids but I will panic when I see kids playing. Me: "should she be doing that?" The kids mother: "of course she is eleven, she knows how to keep herself out of trouble." hope some of this helps.
Happy Holidays.

Answer 6

You will always worry about losing your son, or something happening to him. but you can't enjoy every minute with him. Im a single mother. who did almost lose my son when he was hit by a car ( on his bike coming home on dec 24 1197) and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, As a mother we all worry about it. and we don't have any control of it. the only thing that we can all do is enjoy are children and hope nothing will happen. but don't dwell on what could happen. If the time ever comes up that one of our children gets hurt. then be there. and pray. you will be fine and so will your son, hell will probably get alot of scrapes and bruses and thats about it. enjoy him and stop worrying of what might happen. just let him be who he is. and your right you don't want to smother him. he needs to make his own mistakes and learn form them. good luck.

Answer 7

Good question. Being a mother of a toddler girl, I always seem to be thinking one step ahead to prevent a problem. I actually sometimes don't leave her alone with my husband because he just does not see things the way I do (they call it motherly instinct for a reason). With that being said, I know I can not always be with her (especially when she gets older), I have to trust that we (my husband and I) instilled good values in her. My main goal is for her to be able to recognize right from wrong, and act accordingly (IE... a friend that drove for the night is drunk... will she actually pick up the phone and call me to pick her up? or will she get in the car anyway? Will see always wear her seat belt? Will she know not meet up with some guy she met on the internet...) You get the idea. I think we just have to give them all the good advice we can, and lead by example and the rest should fall into place. I hope anyway.

I know that I NEVER let someone drive me drunk, and I never drove drunk... So my parents must have done something right... :)

good luck.

Answer 8

I have 2 boys, they run, jump off the play set, ride bikes (my oldest rode a bike without training wheels at age 3), dirt bikes and are tae kwan do. I think being the Mom of a boy, who you want to be a real man someday takes guts. You have to be able to put them into God's hands. By no means don't let him do something stupid and keep an eye on him. But you have to let your son be a boy. They like to play hard and get dirty.

When I get fearful I just push aside those feelings and let my sons be boys. Hang in there!!! :)

Answer 9

It's a constant battle. My children are nearly 16 (29th dec) and nearly 19 (24th Jan) and I still worry. At this moment they are both with me in the same room, helping me with this answer, so I'm not worried just now.

You have to use the same technique that allows you to get in a car and not worry about getting killed in a car crash. Use the it won't happen to me approach. Dreadful things do happen from time to time but you worrying about them won't prevent it. Worry about an event only if it occurs. This is essential to your own mental health, I've seen the results of excessive worry.

Answer 10

as a mother of three and grandparent of 3 i still worry to this dear about all the kids and what they are doing..you need to focus on your son and savor the moment and keep him safe..i'm sure you will do fine...but as a parent you will always worry...you will know when its time to let him go...and when you do you will still figure out ways to keep an eye on him...