My son moved back home with me 6 mouths ago after moving away for a year, the first 3 mouths he didn't pay anything because he was out of work, sent Sept, He has given me anywhere from a $100-200 a mouth for expenses, this includes Rent, elecritiy,water.garbage,sewer.cable tv,high speed interent,and food, when he had a girlfriend she would stay for days at a time, and he also has several guy friends that crash here also for days at a time(we used to live in the country, now in the city) so his friends would come over and stay because it was so expensive to drive back and forth to work. anyway my point is I have to ask my son all the time to help pitch in, I don't feel that I should ask,it makes my feel uncomfortable with my hand out, I am getting tired of it. He says I give you $200. what more do you want? But I feel I am being taken advantage of, I don't want my relationship with my son, to be ruined over money!!! But I am going to the poor house, What can I say or do?
2006-12-23 03:03:46 · 28 answers · asked by Diana J 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
He's not going to school and he dosen't plan to in the near future, if that was the case I wouldn't be writting this message, thanks
2006-12-23 03:28:49 · update #1
I can identify with you! I don't charge rent at all and I pay for his car insurance, cell phone, credit cards and food & shelter. I am going insane and haven't much money at all. Please don't end up like me and be thank ful you receive two hundred a month.
I beleive the problem is we spoiled our sons for many reasons and we love them so much that we are actually hurting them. They cannot learn responsibility and survival skill with a mother catering to every need and I am so guilty of this.
I can't give you an answer as I am just as guilty as you, if not more but I needed to respond because, I understand fully!
Good Luck and if you need to chat, let me know & I'll give you my e-mail! Take Care and remember it's all because you love your son so much!
2006-12-23 03:12:41 · answer #1 · answered by lorrina b 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Look, I know it is uncomfortable and you don't want to cause waves but you are not doing your son any favors by letting him get away with this. He needs to learn to live on his own and he won't if you keep making it easy for him to stay home. I know, our goal as parents is to protect our children and you don't want to just push him out - but the other goal of parents is to teach our children how to be independent. He might be mad now but you've gotten in fights with him before and you still have a relationship. Don't let that be what stops you from helping your son become a man.
You need to sit down with him and figure out what his portion of everything will be (1/2 if it is just you 2, 1/3 if there are 3 people in the house, and so on). He needs to pay for rent, food, internet, cable, water, sewer, electric, etc. If he doesn't like it then he can find a roommate and move to cheaper place (which he should probably do anyway). You should come up with a price, write up a contract (just like in the real world), stating that if he is x amount of months late or x amount of dollars in the hole (so he doesn't just pay you a couple of hundred here and there and claim he isn't late) that he will be given 30 days to come even or move out - then you need to stick with that.
I don't know if he's keeping up his end of the house cleaning and laundry - but that should be part of the deal.
I know this sounds extreme and cruel and I know it won't be easy (no one ever said parenting was an easy job)- but this isn't about you, or your relationship with him, or even the money - this is about what is best for your son. And what is best for your son is to become a man.
Hope this helps and good luck.
2006-12-23 04:01:37 · answer #2 · answered by T&M's Mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there is NOTHING wrong with expecting your ADULT children to pay their share. Even if you charged him $500 a month that's far cheaper than what he'd have to do in the real world.
Being a parent doesn't mean you foot the bill when you can't afford it. If you can afford it, I still think you are doing your adult child a disservice by letting them loaf off you.
He is taking advantage of you. Either up his rent by a lot or hand him his share of ALL the bills. If he doesn't like it, tell him you'll gladly help him find an apartment of his own.
Children are spoiled today...there's no wonder why adult "children" feel the world and their parents owe them everything.
Don't feel bad. Your job isn't to be his friend, it's to be his parent. If he gets upset with you, oh well. He will get over it.
The only exception to the rent issue in my mind is when your child is in college. If they are rooming at home, therefore saving room and board costs, I don't think they should be expected to pay rent...because their "job" is completing their education. That being said, they should still pay for their own expenses and help foot the bill on the food when they can.
2006-12-23 03:07:55 · answer #3 · answered by Jen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I charge my son rent when he is working. My problem has been to keep him working. He has had many jobs and ends up blowing them somehow. When they are old enough to work they need to pay rent. If a kid is attending college full time and living at home, that is another story. They could still work part time but they should be responsible for their things like car insurance, gas and personal items. I don't think they should have to pay rent if they are a full time college student. If they are living at home, that is saving the parent from having to pay the kids rent near a college campus, like some parents do. If a kid doesn't want to go to college and they just want to start working, then they should be paying a portion of their wages for rent so they can start learning responsiblities. I just told my son that he has to pay 1/4 of his take home pay for rent. He doesn't make too much his hours vary so the amount of rent will vary from paycheck to paycheck. I just wish he would get a life and move out!
2006-12-23 03:10:33 · answer #4 · answered by MsFancy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would ask him to help out financially, but I wouldn't charge a specific amount. The amount should probably be negotiated. The son or daughter is staying with you because he feels that he cannot afford to live on his own. If you charge rent or board, you are likely to add to his problems. Certain things--car payments, phone bills, clothes--are clearly his responsibility. Also, it is reasonable for you to encourage him to actively look for a job. The economy is bad, and many people have lost jobs through no fault of their own. Why make it worse?
2016-05-23 01:44:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I had older children I would make them pay. Probably in proportion to their wages (as long as they were making an effort to work reasonable hours). I suggest you sit your son down and explain your situation and how you feel. Tell him from now on you want $x amount a month and organise a rent book so you can both see how much he's paid. Also lay down some rules about people staying over. Every now and then is fine but only for one night unless previously arranged. It is your home!
2006-12-23 03:13:02 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel G 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i do. Make a payment plan for how much money you want each paycheck. Regardless if he pays or not, you are still the parent and it is your home. Make some rules about guests and if he doesn't like it then he can go. I had to do the same thing with my 2 older daughters. There is generally never a problem. When we do have a problem it is because I let something slide one time. I learned to just stand on the rules and have some peace.
2006-12-23 03:12:16 · answer #7 · answered by micg 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are being taken advantage of and you should not feel bad about asking him to pay you rent. He knows that he should be paying you more. In order to save your realtionship with your son he has to take responsibility for himself. As far as I see it he has two options First option is to pay rent at least $500 a month!!! Second Option is to move out!! You love him either way but those are the only two options. This is not what you signed up for when you became a parent. You did your job. It is his job to be reponsible for himself.
2006-12-23 03:57:44 · answer #8 · answered by Mimi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mom, it is time to cut the apron strings and help your son to grow up. Figure out what his share of EVERYTHING would be, and include shares for all the friends that stay over. Present him with that figure, and tell him that is the amount you need from him each month. Law down the law if you don't like having his friends there all the time. Tell him that effective immediately, he has to pay his full share of everything, as well as contribute more if his friends stay over. Then show him a newspaper with ads for apartments for rent.
2006-12-23 03:15:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend's son has moved out, but daddy still pays his light and gas bills. Gives him money and everything he wants. And this kid makes almost 400 a week. Parents can't seem to say no. If he won't be a responsible adult and pay up, boot him out and make him take responsibility for his own life. Also isn't he a little old to be having friends crash over. Tell them you are not a hotel, or tell them it will cost them to stay over. It's your home don't let them run it their way.
2006-12-23 03:16:30 · answer #10 · answered by Virginia C 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋