How to cope with my mother-in-law?

Question

Hello. How can I cope with a mother-in-law who is very possessive of her son? Let me give you examples.
1. When he does not text her one day, she sends a lot of messages to him and sits down and waits for an answer and when it does not come she gets all annoyed...
2. She often tells me what I should do. For instance, she always tells me "You should go to mass.Me I do every week"
3. She always makes people believe that without her her sons' world won't function. For example, if she's not here her son will die of hunger but in fact her son is a great cook.
Please, give me some advice.

Answer 1

Let your husband deal with her and all her messages. You don't have to do everything she tells you to do. She WANTS to believe that without her, her sons cannot function. Show her that you are quite capable of taking care of her son, but don't let her overstep her bounds with you. Be respectful of her, but do not let her control your relationship.

Answer 2

The dreaded mother-in-law!

When she doesn't get a text or a call from him, she is feeling lonely and is still his re-assurances that he loves her. She's going through a typical problem that most mother's have... you'll be there eventually... Father's get the same thing.

When she tells you what to do, is she being mean or just being a mother.... take it almost as a compliment as she is accepting you under the same wing as her son.

When she makes people believe that without her, her son's world won't function it is the opposite... Her world would not function without her son.

It sounds like she loves her son and needs some time (or therapy) to let him grow up and to let him start living his own life.

Hope that helps your point of view.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, you'll have to deal with the hassles before things get better. Number 1 your husband should tell his mother he's a big boy now and has a wife to love and support .2, you have to be the boss of your own destiny by gently but firmly letting your mother in law know that, for example ,you may have other plans on Sunday, or you just are to busy to make mass this weekend. It is your life you know, and until you make her realize this ,she will continue to domineer your life which can ultimately destroy your marriage. So it's up to you and your husband to let her know you have your own lives to live , you want her in your life , but please give you the space to grow together ,so you don't grow apart.

Answer 4

It seems to me that your problems can be solved with a little touch of honesty. You need to set her straight especially since you're on the outside looking in. I think you need to tell her that your husband has a life and a family that he needs to tend to so she needs quit trying to absorb all of his time, you need to tell her that you are a grown woman and you can make your own decisions about going to mass or not, and you need to tell her that her son is a great cook and just can live without her in his life, and that you know this because you are his wife. Tell her there is a new Mrs. Whatever-your-last-name-is in town and taking her son from her!
Good Luck!

Answer 5

Sorry, don't think you have a bad mother in law, just a husband that hasn't grown into a man yet. He's the one that has to make things change for the better. If he won't then you have to ask yourself if you want to live this way until who knows when. Good luck, sounds like you really need it.

Answer 6

How does your husband feel about the situation? Some Mothers don't believe their kids can manage without them. They don't want them to grow up. There is really not much you can do, but accept the fact that she is that way. Don't let what she says bother you and just go on with your life. Some people you just can't change. It is sad she is that way.

Answer 7

Actually your not going to be able to say or do anything, it's all going to be up to you and your level of understanding. It also seems to be his problem, let him tell her. My mother in law was wonderful and I knew that was her son, her special pride and joy so most of it I could laugh off, things I could not I ignored. She passed away prematurely 5 years after we married so I was grateful that we both had understanding. When we had children of our own we understood much better. It's the letting go and trusting that he's in "good hands" I guess. I'm OK with my daughter in laws, they can continue raising them how THEY wish.

Answer 8

Go to mass whenever you want, make sure your fridge and cabinets are stocked with food so no one dies of starvation and let her sit and wait for the returned text messages. Use your imagination, there are lots of things you and your husband can do while she's waiting.

Answer 9

When I married her son, I was just 19 and as dumb as she thought I was. Worse yet, for years my husband worked for his Dad while he finished college, so we were dependant on them for our livelihood. Whatever you've experienced with your mother in law, I've been there, done that. My husband's twin brother never let her bother him, my husband was torn between wanting to please his Mom and keeping me happy. He died at age 57 of cancer and THEN his mother and I became good friends. Once he was no longer in my care, she came to love me! and I loved her like a second Mom! I wrote her a letter before she became senile and told her how I appreciated her guidance. She took a girl and guided her to womanhood.
The one thought that guided me throughout our long years as Mother-in-love and daughter-in-love was that one day I would be the mother in law!

Answer 10

Ahhh, the wonderful world of mother in laws. Mine is an absolute *itch. But, talk to your husband. Mine understands where I am coming from. so it helps when I get frustrated with her. It will get worse when you have kids. She treats one of my daughters like crap, the other one is the angel. (Both of my girls are great kids) It drives me crazy. But as long as your husband knows how much it bothers you, it makes it easier to cope. Good luck!