I am divorced and have been living with someone for over a year. My mother is very well aware that we live together and has never shown any indication of not liking him. When we received our package in the mail that she sent, it had gifts for me, my son and daughter and even a box of candy that was only labeled to the 3 of us. My boyfriend was very hurt and mad that she sent him nothing. Now I don't know what to say to her or what to do. Any advice?
2006-12-22 21:00:18 · 24 answers · asked by rabbit5140 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I forgot to mention that my father DID send him a gift (my parents are divorced) and he and I don't really speak to each other. (He didn't agree with me getting a divorce) So I'm a bit confused about his generosity when I thought he would be the one not to send anything.
2006-12-22 21:41:16 · update #1
give me a break, your boyfriend is not related to you, not related to your mother, glad that she is sending presents for her grandchildren and tell your bf to be a man and not a baby
2006-12-22 21:03:19 · answer #1 · answered by paki 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
While I feel your mother should out of kindness on Christmas , acknowledge your boyfriend and any normal person would be a little hurt , the fact of the matter is that your living arrangements are probably offensive to her. Since you are her daughter she feels obligated to you at Christmas , as always I'm sure, but that does not extend to your love interests.
Explain to her ( after Christmas , no sense in making everyone miserable on the holiday) that you felt hurt that she did not even acknowledge your boyfriend with a card and that you would appreciate in the future if she would do so . Don't ask her to buy hundred dollar gift certificates but a sinple note wishing him a merry christmas would have been nice.
2006-12-23 05:54:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
When "boyfriend" changes into the life long committment of "husband" I would send a gift. Esp if you are living together with children. I would not be happy with that as mom. I don't think i'd want to hurt you but let you know how I felt and that might be a way I would show you how hurt I feel. There is mutual hurt there. I think If you have chosen your path you should not say anything until you make things right. Your children need the stability that Daddy is going to be in it for the long haul. Think about it from your mother's perspective.
2006-12-23 05:04:40 · answer #3 · answered by xx_muggles_xx 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ignore it and get over it. She will accept him when she is ready. Don't start a fight that will wedge you and mom apart. In the grand scheme of things--it just doesn't matter. It's only a day and you have to accept what happened. I'm sure she is displeased with your arrangement---but smart enough to stay silent---a gift is supposed to be given in the spirit of the holiday--she obviously doesn't include this new guy in the spirit---her perogative and her choice---ignore it and tell him to smile and be a big boy---have a piece of that candy anyway. She will eventually come around when she is sure you are happy and secure with this new guy. All moms want is their kids to be happy and safe. You're a mom---how would you feel in 20 years when your kids are doing something you may not agree with?? Have a nice holiday and enjoy what you do have---some people have less or nothing at all.
2006-12-23 05:09:00 · answer #4 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would ask her why the boyfriend was left out. It could be an honest mistake or misunderstanding...she might be old fashioned and does not think he is family until you two get married. but, just tell her that he is part of your family and she needs to include him and if she refuses, then tell her not to send anything at Christmas time. This could all be a big misunderstanding so be nice but stand your ground. Because, if you do not nip it in the bud now...it will only get worse!
2006-12-23 05:06:42 · answer #5 · answered by September Sweetie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unless he's an awful person, or has done something to you or your kids, there isn't any reason why she shouldn't like him. She sounds just like my mother and she's allowing her actions to speak for her. She doesn't want you to be with him, so she's just ignoring him. Let her know that he's in your life and you don't appreciate what she did. If she can't respect him then there is going to be a problem. Of course you don't want to have to make a choice between your mother and your boyfriend, but you want your relationship to be respected. Good luck.
2006-12-23 05:36:22 · answer #6 · answered by krispykreme335 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It means something that he was not included. My parents sent Christmas presents to me and my children but did not send anything to my husband of 20 years.
2006-12-24 13:13:25 · answer #7 · answered by dixiemade 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what i should advise you is to ask your mum what she is thinking because you can get the only truth from her and other people can just tell you lies which is very negative from what your mom is thinking,But you should not rush to ask her maybe she will send another gift who know maybe she want to send to your bf a big gift than what she has given you and your kids.
And i dont think your mom hurt your bf,if she does she couldnt have allowed you to stay with him.Tell your bf that mom loves you all thats why she bought the gifts on behalf of him.
2006-12-23 05:17:39 · answer #8 · answered by Beaty Ka 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no offense. but your boyfriend is not your husband (yet) nor the father of your children (Mom's grandchildren)... etiquette wise, it would only be a faux paux if you were married and Mom didn't give a present or atleast a mention to your spouse. Thank Mom for the gifts, it was kind of her to give them...tell BF to let it go, Mom 'owes' him nothing at this point...his loyalty and need for reciprocation is from you, not your mom...Mom just might change her tune, when and if you tie the knot, why not ask her about it, privately, and calmly next time you speak...good luck!
2006-12-23 05:05:01 · answer #9 · answered by kewtber 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What a touchy situation. Is she in a financial posoition to buy for everyone?
It was a bit rude of her to not acknowledge him at all and I sympathise with both you and your partner.
I would speak to her and let her know that is was upsetting for you both. You have a steady partner and as such he is part of the family.
You will just have to be extra nice to him this Christmas!
2006-12-23 05:05:40 · answer #10 · answered by Tom F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your bf to grow the hell up.A man doesn't...uhh...shouldn't measure himself by what others give him. A man defines himself by what he aquires on his own and how he does it!
Christmas is about something much more special than freaking gifts! And when it's not, the gifts are really about the children.
Good night! Grow up, timmy!
2006-12-23 07:13:07 · answer #11 · answered by vince 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋