my girlfriend and i used to see each other on a healthy constant basis. now that its winter break we see less of each other becuase her dorms won't allow her to stay until spring. in her hometown she has been spending time with her ex whom she says is strictly a friend. im not worried about her cheating on me, im more worried about if her feelings for him will become more romantic or something like that.
the second part of this is should anyone even allow their significant others to even be in communication with their ex's? isn't this some kind of unwritten rule?
2006-12-22 19:02:28 · 19 answers · asked by goober_goo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
let me rephase my last question. i don't mind her hanging out with her ex. im just simply worried that becuase she gets to see him more than i get to see her (she gets guitar lessons from him and im working alot) that she might start having feelings for him. im usually not paranoid or possessive like this question might suggest, but i've met him and he was a jerk to me. i trust her i don't trust him. how would i communicate this to her and what kind of reaction should i expect?
2006-12-22 19:10:43 · update #1
Based on this "should anyone even allow their significant others to even be in communication with their ex's? isn't this some kind of unwritten rule?" You should not be in a relationship.
You ALLOW? Oh man I feel sorry for your g/f if that is the word you actually meant to use.
As for is it ok for her to communicate and spend time with him, sure. She's trustworthy right?
2006-12-22 19:05:39 · answer #1 · answered by Star 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For me, personally, I don't do the 'let's be friends after we break up' thing because no matter how I really feel, if I am dating someone else he most likely will have an issue with it regardless. I think as long as she is making you feel comfortable by telling you that there are no more feelings for her ex remaining in her, then you shouldn't feel threatened or worried about it. There are a few ex's that I wouldn't mind having kept in touch with since we ended on good terms, but sometimes when you cross that type of situation with a new boy/girlfriend, innocent things can turn pretty bad after not too long. I'd say give her a shot, trust her, but make sure to communicate how you feel without seeming as if you are jealous or insecure. :)
2006-12-22 19:07:07 · answer #2 · answered by Chy O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Goober, is it? Listen, Goober, the whole point that your mind goes to a place that you need to use words like "allow" and "rule" kinda tells me you have not had too many relationships. This mind set is starting you off on the wrong foot altogether. She is going to do what she wants regardless of whether someone ALLOWS her to or not. If you do not like it, tell her - although it sounds like you did and she said it's just a "friend-thing", ok, so you either accept it and truly trust her or break up w/ her out of fear that she MAY cheat on you or she'll develop feelings for him. In any relationship one could cheat on the other ANY time, whether you worry about it or not. If you are always worrying, even though you have no solid proof of any wrongdoing - you're not going to have a very happy or healthy relationship. You can't make or bully someone into loving you and Goober, there ARE no rules. Good Luck!
2006-12-22 19:37:51 · answer #3 · answered by RAVEN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, IT is good that you don't feel that she is cheating on you, because if there is no trust, there really isn't a relationship...at least one that is going to work for very long.
For the second part of your question when you say "Allow" that is a word that could get you in a little bit of a heated conversation with her, so be careful when talking to her.
But I definitely feel that if you believe this relationship is worth it you need to talk to her, If you come at her with a loving heart mixed with a little bit of honest fear, and just ask or tell her that you could use a little bit of reassurance. It may just make her look at you like a man who isn't afraid to show his feelings and I KNOW that, that is such a turn on....
Hope that helps
2006-12-22 19:22:51 · answer #4 · answered by keepin the faith 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well let me say this i resently had this problem so i kinda know what im talking about but what i want to tell you is no its okay because hes an ex theres a reason they broke-up but what im going to say is yes she should be considering you. Your feelings its not just her anymore its you and her. the both of you are in a relationship together and shouldnt be contacting with exs if you dont have too. the ex might think its okay and try and get back with her and well technaclly she is telling him its okay when really its not.
2006-12-22 19:08:12 · answer #5 · answered by Kelsie R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "allow" your girlfriend to communicate. Do you really believe you can stop her? You can't control others, all you can do is control your reaction to others. The universe bring you life, learn to accept it. If you love your gf, then tell her. Tell her your concerns. When she assures you there's nothing to worry about, worry away if it makes you happy. Either you trust her or you don't. It's really that simple. If she decides she will go back to her ex, what's to stop you from going to someone else? Can she prevent you from looking, talking or communicating with other chicks?
2006-12-22 19:09:39 · answer #6 · answered by judgebill 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go with your gut on this one, if you think something fishy is going on, your probably right - best to lay back and see how things unfold. Our mind can dream up all sort of negative scenerios if that is our mode of thinking. I guess what I'm saying is give her a chance to do the right thing and see how she acts when you see her / speak to her again. And no, there are no rules in life...people will do what they will and it's not our place to control others, just move on until we find someone who is a good match, morally & spiritually speaking.
2006-12-22 19:15:11 · answer #7 · answered by whitney 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very close friends with my ex. However, before he and I ever dated, we were best friends for 5 years.....so there is a rich history there. And, I demand that my boyfriend now respects it.
I think it depends on the situation, but it's def. not a rule.
And, good luck with your girlfriend! I can understand you being concerned, and that should come off as sweet to her, just don't get possessive or paranoid
2006-12-22 19:05:20 · answer #8 · answered by applechick 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No offense but I think nobody should try to control each other by prohibiting them from talking to someone. Nobody likes to be controlled.
Also, if things are going to happen with your girlfriend and another guy, its going to happen. You should try focusing on other things. If you are concerned about her feelings straying, perhaps you should re-examine your own actions and make sure you are with her for all the right reasons.
Relationships should be free and refreshing, not oppressive and controlling.
The best advise, if it's meant to be, then it will be! If not, then you were meant for someone else.
2006-12-22 19:06:45 · answer #9 · answered by Suzanne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is really nothing you can do about it. however, it would make anyone wonder why. Why would she want to hang out and spend time with him. You can believe what you want, if they are spending a great deal of time together they are rekindling old flames even if just for the winter. God bless****
2006-12-22 19:08:29 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋