Do I have a right to be upset?

Question

I lied and told my Mom, Aunt, and sister that we had planned on going out of State for Christmas and that I won't be around to celebrate with them this year...that we could do Christmas another time. My family never agrees on anything and Christmas always seeme "fake"....like no one wants to see each other anyway. Today, I called my sister and told her that the trip got canceled and if my Mom stays overnight with her (she resides at a group home for the mentally ill) that we're free to either have her over for a few hours Saturday night or we could come over there. My sister didn't like this idea....not at all. That I should have my Mom over too since she wants to see my 17 month old daughter. So...I agreed and planned a small lunch on Sunday and also agreed to take her back to the group home which is 1 1/2 hour drive each way. Then, later in the evening, my sister calls and says that my Aunt called her stating that she will come Monday to my place and pick my Mom up, but there's

a catch...my Mom would have to spend the night on my brand new sofa. I immediately said "No!" My sister was not happy. My Mom has incontinence issues and I don't want her sleeping on my sofa. I, too, have chronic insomia and post-partum depression and would be a nervous wrek with my Mom overnight as I am clueless as to what to do if she has a panic attack, what medications she is on on when she is supposed to take them, what to feed her (she's diabetic), etc. Is it wrong of me to be "pissed off" at my Aunt just telling my sister what I should and shouldn't do for my holiday? I was planning on a nice, quiet, relaxing, Christmas Day with my husband and daughter.

Also, why couldn't my Aunt call me with her ideas instead of having my sister call me and say "Jean will pick Mom up from your place on Monday IF you have her overnight Sunday night." I agreed to lunch, which I can't afford so I put it on credit, on Sunday plus the cost of gas to take her 100 miles to get back to where my Mom lives. I can only hope that my daughter is OK and sleeps in the car.

My priorities now are my husband and daughter. Since my sister is my Mom's leglal Guardian that's the reason I called her to see if my Mom is coming down to visit....that I could find a few hours to spend with her. I didn't plan on having to have a party this weekend at my place PLUS get pushed into her having her overnight. I see my Mom, but I just can't handle the way that she is...I have my own anxiety/panic attacks over it.

Answer 1

OK --this is a scary thing going on for you --You said lunch and that's what you should do--no more and no less--tell your sister NO way your Mom is not staying over night at your place--period--and if that's not OK with her then call off the lunch too--you do have a responsibility to your husband and daughter--and you need to remind them of this ---

Answer 2

I think you should make your mother comfortable, it's only a sofa
put some plastic on it, put her on a depends make her as happy as you can that is your mom, and as for your drive it is a blessing that you can, you are already blessed for spending time with her she is special in her way.. May God Bless your family and enjoy this holiday without all the stress and confusion. Don't let your sister and aunt tell you how to run your home, try talking it out and maybe you can come to some kind of agreement..

Answer 3

I think you should stop for a moment and READ the question that you just asked. Everything is focused on you, you, YOU! Perhaps there could be more harmony and peace in your family if you could take the focus off of yourself and show some love and compassion towards your family. They may not be your pick but they're the ones God gave you. We all have our family issues but the holidays are a time to be together. Do you want your daughter to grow up like you? C'mon. Think about it. You are doing a disservice to everyone in your family because of your own selfish feelings. I'm still struggling with the sofa comment. I can't believe anyone would place more value in a material thing than their own MOTHER! Suck it up and change her diaper! She changed plenty of yours I'm sure!

Answer 4

this is your mother you are talking about and she did bring you into this world and probably gave what ever she could her whole life. this is christmas and it should be a time of peace and happines. You could always make sure your mother wears a pair of depends and then you wouldn't have to worry about an accident on your new couch. I really don't think you should be to upset, just tell your aunt and sister what you want to do and if this is not satisfactory to them then oh well, just don't make your mother feel like she is nothing but a pain in the butt to you because some day you will be old and you wouldn't want anyone making you feel like you are not wanted.

Answer 5

Just take care of your family and give them all the love and support you can, it's all you have.

They may not beable to return it in any way that is more then what they do, or don't do.

If we only give what we get, then we will allways have nothing.

Answer 6

You'll just have to stand up for yourself. Sounds like they all have difficult issues that you are not able to deal with right now. Be kind to yourself and do what you can do and don't let them push you into what you can not do.

Answer 7

You sound a bit selfish.I think you should have kept the comment about the couch to yourself.You can always get another couch,but you can't replace your momma.

Answer 8

It's Christmas---one lousy day to try and be at peace---have the spirit and do whatever they want---one lousy day---don't be upset---one lousy day---you'll get through it. If you really don't like it--take a ride next year---say goodbye see you later---happy Holidays

Answer 9

Been there: ) Set your boundaries now or you'll be forever jumping through hoops..

Answer 10

oh family! can't live with em, can't kill em. I just dont know!