How can I control my grouchiness when someone wakes me up unexpectedly? Is it justified for me to get grouchy?

Question

I'm a graveshift (night) worker, and a friend of mine kept calling and calling on the phone when I was sleeping. (I only had 4 hours of sleep at that point and I was exhausted from work when I got home). I got really grumpy on the phone and hung up on her. Later, she apologized several times and almost started crying. It made me feel bad. I didn't curse her out or anything. I just answered the phone with a loud "WHAT?" Then she asked a question, and I said "WHATEVER" and hung up the phone. She knows I work nights and sleep during the day. I've done this in similar situations before as well. It just seems to me like some people don't understand that is when I sleep, even if I tell them several times. I do keep my phone on during the day in case of an emergency from family. However, I did get up the first time the phone rang to check the caller ID. Saw it was her ringing, and decided to go back to bed to call her later. She called 5 more times within 10 minutes.

Amy, that is a good idea! Sometimes simple solutions like that are the best answers, and most of these simple solutions I never think of.

Answer 1

I worked nights for years and I honestly believe that unless someone has or does work nights, they cannot comprehend that some people sleep during the day. They don't understand that calling you at 2:00pm for some trivial thing would be like someone calling them at 2:00am just to visit or something. I don't think people are trying to be rude when they do it though.

I absolutely think you are justified to get grouchy. If you feel bad about how you reacted though, do apologize to her and remind her that you were sleeping.

I understand about wanting to leave your phone on for emergencies. Could you set up your answering machine with a message like: I am unable to come to the phone right now. If it is between 8:00am and 4:00pm (or whenever you sleep) I am sleeping. Please leave a message. If it is a life and death emergency, continue calling until I answer. Something to that effect? It reminds people that you are sleeping and also says only to continue to call if it is an emergency.

Answer 2

This is a question that I relate well with. If I have less than 6 hours of sleep and do not get up of my accord then I am a bear. You have to set up boundaries, which your Friend crossed. You can not controll anyone but yourself. The next time this happens, and it will happen again, before you answer the phone compose yourself. Think are you in the mood to talk? If not answer the phone as politely as possible. Let the other person respond to the greeting. Don't let them talk very much, I think at this point you can be a little rude. Ask, nicely if this call could wait for a few hours and you will call them back when you get up. If they can not wait take the call. Listen and respond, and be patient. If you friend insist on calling you when you are sleeping, call them in the middle of the night just to talk, this should reinforce to them how you feel. Now this last suggestion is a last resort. I do not advocate revenge, but sometimes it is necessary. Just think about how the other person is thinking, maybe they are sure this is something you want to know more than you want to sleep. Communicate in a friendly manner what you want.

Answer 3

I understand your situation. I've been working nights for 9 years now. I can tell you that in the beginning I had this problem too. I told people several times to not call me or expect me to get up to do something with them during the day. It happened several times until I finally just had to flip out much like you did. I felt like a jerk but my point was made. I haven't had the problem with that person since then. There were other people I had to threaten very seriously that if they kept it up and I needed something from them while I was at work I'd be calling them at 3am and they got the point too. Ultimately, I ended up having a home phone and a cell phone and I've told people to call my cell phone (which I do not keep in the bedroom) if it's not really important and I'll check my messages on that when I get up and return their call. If it's really important then they can call my home phone and I'll answer if my caller ID tells me that it's someone that I know. I never answer unknown numbers during the day. Sorry you had to reach this point, but hopefully she'll get the idea from now on.

Answer 4

You are totally justified. I have worked nights for years and this is a recurring problem-some people just don't get it when you tell them you sleep during the day! I have had people with no important mission knock on my door directly ON the sign that says "day sleeper-please do not disturb". Her calling 5 times in 10 minutes is especially rude. I wouldn't hesitate to tell her off-that would be rude at any hour. If she cries ask her "How do you think I felt when I had to go to work with not enough sleep? I felt like crying!"
The only real solution is to have a cell phone that only your family has the number for and turn the land line OFF.

Answer 5

Argh, I used to be a night-shift worker, too! Your friend is being rude by calling you when she knows you've worked all night and have yet to get a "full night's" sleep. Controlling your "grouchiness" probably is not possible--who wouldn't have trouble being polite being woken from a dead sleep by a ringing phone? I would worry less about controlling your grouchiness and instead unplug your phone when you need your sleep. You will be a better friend when you're well rested. If you're worried about family emergencies, perhaps you can get a beeper or cell phone and share the number ONLY with those few who really need to know? Good luck, and sleep well!

Answer 6

I think you are justified to be grouchy under those circumstances, it is more of a reaction than a planned action.
I do think it might help for you to be a little more specific. about your time frame. Even for us day jobbers, some folks take calls up to 9 pm, some til midnight, etc. , but at least it's easy to picture the normal parameters. If you ordinarily sleep regular hours, why not tell your friends and family not to call between xxx and xxx, unless it is a genuine emergency or extremely time-sensitive. Tell them when it is likely to be okay for them to call you too.
Also, get a portable phone if you can, so you don't have to get up to see who it is. Set the ringer on low.
You've gotten some great answers already, like the beeper idea; also, Amy's suggestion for the recorded "greeting" (haha) on your ansering machine. If anyone still insists on ignoring your wishes, it is time to block their number.

Answer 7

I worked nights for years and had the same problem. With the idiot ones like your friend, I'd just call them back at 3 in the morning or something. Or if it's a sales call or something, ask them for their phone number, say you'll be returning their call about 3 a.m. You then have a chance to point out that 'they woke you up, you'd prefer to talk to them during your awake hours!'

It took most of my friends very little 'training' of the 3 a.m. phone call sort, to make them think before they dial. In the case of one like your friend, who knows you work nights and had the gall to call back 5 more times in 10 minutes; you'll need a verbal hammer to get through that skull. She's just inconsiderate, and apparently untrainable. Never occurred to her that your need for sleep might trump her need for an answer to a dumbaz question! Another case of not being taught manners, which is a hobby horse of mine: people are not taught to consider others before themselves at all. My generation is at fault, we have all abdicated the raising of our children to the schools, and the teachers have enough to do without teaching manners too!

Answer 8

I'd say you were justified ( I'm night Audit) as all friends should know that you work these shifts and unless the world is ending or it is an EMERGENCY friends should not call you as you obviously have email tell her tp email you or not to call until after 5pm or so that way you get sleep and she can call you. It obviously seems to be that she disrespects you as a friend and you can choose to block her number for a period of time, maybe then she'll smarten up?

Answer 9

Sounds to me like she is very inconsiderate. Are you sure she is a friend? She sounds like a cling on. I would sit her down face to face some evening and tell her, look, I sleep during the day.. I need you to NOT call me while I am sleeping. Don't feel bad for being grumpy about that, you have every right to be. hopefully she gets the hint. good luck with that.

Answer 10

I work nites too.I have a sign on my front door that says DAY SLEEPER--DO NOT KNOCK BEFORE NOON .That pretty much takes care of in -person people.You can have an answering machine screen your calls.(ringer off on phone )Or, if you have a cell phone turn off land-line and just have certain people call on the cell. You're right about people not understanding.I go to bed about 3 and get up at 11 That's just the way it is !!!