how would you people handle this situation?

Question

there is this guy who i thought was a friend, everytime i would have my dialysis treatment he would talk to me, we are both married, we like the same movies etc. well lately when we talk there is a dialysis tech who always just happens to but into our conversations, and flirts with him , and now its to the point we hardly talk. the other day this girl was taking care of me and my guy friend asks me if i got his email, isaid no and he comes out with, i know,cuz i didn't email you. loud enough so that a few of the other workers laughed. i was so embarassed, another thing that happened the same day, he asked this girl to go out to dinner with him right in front of me. anyway, he is acting really weird. i am married too,my husband knows we talk, but i think he thinks i want something more, which i don't, i am happily married. anyways i don't know how to act when i go back to my treatment on tuesday. i mean part of me wants to slap the crap out of him

Answer 1

I think bottleblondemama makes sense but I would just add some thoughts about the uniqueness of the dialysis environment. There are a number of dynamics at work.

You are going there for medical care, I assume three days a week. It sounds like, and sorry if I'm off base, that you are doing pretty well. So you have this weird situation where you're feeling alright but facing a very challenging medical condition. A medical condition that no one - your husband, friends - really understand. The one place where people can appreciate what you're dealing with is the dialysis unit. The people at the unit know how hard it is to live without kidney function; if you manage to do the laundry and go for a walk the people at the unit appreciate that accomplishment. They'll appreciate the sort every day activities that people who are healthy (urinators) take for granted.

So the social aspects of the dialysis unit often become part of the support system people on dialysis need. But it is a fine line. Things get misconstrued. The worst part is that it is an uneven relationship in terms of power - as the patient you are at a real disadvantage. You're there 12-15 hours a week while they're putting in their 40 - you are undergoing a medical procedure while they are at work. It is not like any other relationship you've ever had, you'll have to approach it from a different point of view.

First I would look to the internet for discussion forums and message boards where you can connect with other people on dialysis. You need a healthy source of understanding and support and through the internet you can connect with people just like you from all over the world. You can lurk or become a regular poster but nothing beats peer to peer support.

Second I'm thinking of a different model of interaction. How about college - you're the student / they're the teachers. We all had favorite teachers, ones we could talk to but there was always a line that you would both respect. Then after graduation you might run into them and from there you are now both equals. Your graduation day will come when you get a kidney transplant or when you choose the healthier option of dialyzing at home more than three days a week. Once you graduate friendships will sort themselves out.

Answer 2

Regardless of his reasons, his behavior is totally unprofessional; his job it to put patients as ease...the comment about the e-mail was totally uncalled for, even if he meant it as a joke. If he is married and wants to cheat and ask another woman out, that is his business; however, to do so in front of a patient is unethical.

Depending on how much of a "friend" he is would dictate how to handle the situation. You take the high road and address with him both of the above and point out that you are a good sport, but other patients are not and the behavior that you referenced above might not be interpreted that way and it could get him into trouble (because it could), or you contact the office manager of where you have dialysis at and report the above behavior and request that a different nurse be assigned to you for your dialysis because of this. Having to go through dialysis is stressful enough without having to deal with his emotional instability and unprofessionalism.

Answer 3

It seems like he's looking for more than a friendship. You weren't willing to be more than friends so he thinks the tech might be more worth his effort.
If I were in this situation I would just brush it off. When you go to dialysis don't be angry or confrontational. Just be ok with the fact that you know his true intentions and let the friendship dwindle away on it's own. I wouldn't give it that much influence over you. Or let him know he has that much influence in your moods.

Good luck with your health! Happy Holidays!!

Answer 4

Don't slap the crap out of him, he will think you care. Don't ever talk to him again, and if he tries to make eye contact, look up, over his head, and turn away from him. He has self esteem issues or he would never be so cruel to you. Jerk!

Answer 5

you shouldnt get emotionally involved with men other than your husband.

Next time you go for dialysis, take a book and read it. Dont make contact with this guy.

Answer 6

Next time, ignore him and read a book, if he tries to grab your attention, smile sweetly at him and kick him in the balls. Grab your book and jam it into his face, and yell out 'thats what you get for trying to touch my *** you dirty pervert, i'm married!' and walk off with a frown on your face and a smile in your heart.

Answer 7

maybe he wants something more, and plans to get it from the other woman.