what should i do?my guy just doesnt get it?

Question

Ive been with this guy i guess u could say over two years we have a one year old daughter but he refuses to grow up dont get me wrong hes a good father he just doesnt seem to want to be a family man what i mean by that is he still smokes pot and goes out with his friends till whenever he feels like coming home he has a good job and does pay the bills but does nothing around the house what so ever no dishes no laundry no sweeping nothing and when he actually is around and home he plays video games or goes on the computer instead of spending time with me.he has stupid fits over the dumbest things but yet i still love him so much. Ive been told that he doesnt deserve me but i love him so much and i dont wanna leave him talking doesnt help cause ive tried over and over he seems to think that cause hes the one bringing in the income he can do whatever the f%$k he wants to how do i get throu to him?

Answer 1

Honey, you've already LET him do whatever he wants. He didn't have to marry you. He got to have a kid without any commitment on his part.

Stop fooling yourself. And stop saying he's a good father. A good father doesn't smoke pot and play with his friends and everything else you've described.

You love him? So what? Love isn't enough. The other aspects of your relationship are a disaster. Honestly, if your daughter was seeing a man like this, would you be thrilled for her? Help your daughter learn what NOT to do, and get out of this pseudo-relationship.

Answer 2

Just because a man has a child doesn't mean he will automatically grow up. If he really is a "good father" and he makes a good income those are things that he can be praised for and appreciated for. Let him know that you appreciate his contributions. It is hard for a man to understand how much work a child is.

Men seem to think women have a gene or a cosmetic that makes parenting easier for us.

Don't whine, don't argue, don't belittle or berate, just be direct. I can suggest quick and direct things you can say:

"How much time do you need on that video? Is an hour enough? Once you've had a chance to unwind, I'd like your help in the kitchen at 7:00, while I finish the laundry. I know how well you like the clean towels and sheets."

"Since you were online last night, I'd like to use the computer tonight, while you give Wendy her bath."

We can take the baby to the park and tire her out so she will go to sleep faster....then we can fool around later? Wink wink."

Help him to see the logic in the give and take. You are happier and sweeter and he can see nothing is being taken away from him.

Steer him toward friends that are married or in committed relationships. He will be less likely to tomcat around with his old playmates and playpens.

The only difference between men and boys are the size of the toys.

Answer 3

Wow, I am so sorry that things aren't going so well for you. Here's the thing. You obviously know he isn't growing up as quickly as you have. This is more common than you think. What you need to do first is get a babysitter. Go out for dinner and then head home. No alcohol. Make sure you are both sober so you can be productive. Head home and have a nice, quiet discussion. Both of you should say what you need to say without any interruption NO MATTER WHAT. This is to be agreed on prior to talking. When someone has a comment it should not be directed as provoking, rude, inconsiderate of the other person. To start each of you take a paper and pen and write down 5 things you want to talk about. Each subject gets 5 minutes of chat time. At end you need to reach a compromise that both can be happy with. This should not be any longer than one hour per day. Because this is a beneficial tool psycologists use. Use a kitchen timer. Don't vent. Don't expect to solve all problems in one day. This will take time.
Good luck!! Merry Christmas!
You love this guy--then there is hope for him yet.

Answer 4

Hide his stash and close your legs, he'll listen.