Is It Me? I don't know what to think anymore....?

Question

Serrious answers only, please... This is important...

Okay, My mother and i used to be best friends, before i moved out of the house... This last few years though have been pretty rough.... When i can't afford to run the hour and a half down to her place to fix something, or clean the house, or take care of the kids, I'm selfish, I found the man that i knew i was going to spend the rest of my life with, decided to get married, and because i wouldn't put off the date, because she didn't have a boyfriend (Her and my father got a divorce about a year and a half before this) I was selfish, Even though we had waited already 5 years...
Now because i don't have all the money in the world to buy her a car, pay some of her bills, and help her and the kids, i'm not worth talking to unless i have something for her...
We used to be so close... Now i just think it was because she layed in bed all day while i mothered my 5 younger brothers and sisters, cleaned the house, and cooked the meals...

I don't know what to do or think anymore... She doesn't call me to see how i'm doing, she tells me she's trying to be a better mother to the kids, but she's not even thinking about me, i mean no i don't need a mommy to take care of me anymore, But it would sure be nice if i knew for once in my life that she loved me for me, not for what i can do for her....
Am i being selfish? Am i asking too much to get a little bit of care from her end? Too much to ask for her to notice me?
Is it the wrong thing to stop calling every day to check up on her and the kids? I just don't know what to do or think with her anymore....

Answer 1

The problem is that your mother misses you being in charge and taking care of everything and she's angry about it. You are NOT being selfish... she is. You were not close before, you were being horribly used.

I understand that you want a warm, loving relationship with your mom, but you're asking for more than she is capable of giving. You have to accept her for the way she is, accept her limitations, but don't bow to her demands. Your heart, mind, soul, and resources belong with your husband and the family the two of you have created.

You might want to pick up a copy of "Bad Childhood, Good Life." It addresses situations like yours, and it may help you through the process of letting go.

Answer 2

Well it seems to me to be pretty clear. She was just using you and acting like you were the best thing since sliced white bread. Now that you have gotten your own life, and no longer are taking care of her lazy butt, she is feeling sorry for herself.

I say, to just move on with your life, and enjoy the people you have chosen to share it with. Your children, and spouse, and yourself should be the most important persons in your life now.

I hope that perhaps she will come around, but experience has taught me that this isn't likely.

You have all the makings for a full and rewarding live. Don't waste your efforts on someone who doesn't even care about themselves.

Answer 3

Why would you think you were selfish? If anything you were the mother and caretaker of all of them. You have a right to your own life. She's coming to terms that you won't be there to take care of her responsibilities. It's not your issue to work through, it's hers. So don't take her burdens on your shoulders anymore. By the sounds of it, you've done it enough.

Live your life and enjoy it. Good luck to you and your marriage.

Answer 4

You have a new life now, move on without her. She is selfish and you shouldn't be doing all those things. I know you love your siblings, and staying close to them would be good, because they are going to be going thru the same thing you are and will need your guidance. Sometimes it's hard to give up, but sometimes you have to and I think this is one of those times.

Answer 5

She is selfish, not you.

Congratulations on your up coming marriage.