Only if your being serious, this is very important to me?

Question

My ex an I decided to work it out 1 last time, that we can continue to go out ,only if we do not argue forI 5 months, What are some best techniques on handling this situation? we would argue over petty things until it really got out of hand. I mean Im about to get a job to keep me busy, plus I have school. Please give me some advice

Answer 1

Well, I just don't think you should let the petty things spoil and otherwise good relationship. both of you need to work on yourselves, and not focus on the other needing to change. Sometimes it's about swallowing our pride and growing up a bit, instead of bickering over petty stuff and letting it blow out of control.

Even if you have to leave the room and have your own space when you know it's heading in that direction.

I don't think you should put a limit on arguing and say "only if we don't argue for 5 months". that is unrealistic, creates a lot of pressure and I can't even do that with my own father. I argue with him and sometimes you have to basically work on it together eachday.

It's a daily thing. Don't take things "too" seriously and let the arguing side become more than it is. Just keep focussing your mind on what the argument really is and how it started, instead of forgetting yourself and ending up in a blazing row. Even if you stop and calm down and discuss more than argue. learn to discuss, rather than taking pot shots at eachother to win points or get some point across as the expense of someone else. Sometimes we want so much to be heard or to win the argument, we would rather not take the time to consider the other person's side or feelings (even if we think we are justified) sometimes it's best to swallow our pride and let it go. Even if he wants to continue, just let him go and that will teach him a few things too.

Maturity and silence are the best ways. Don't let these things become more than what they really are. If you really do care for eachother, you'll have to both learn ways of maturing together on this issue. You may obviously spark eachother off big time, but that just gives you more of a challenge to learn how to handle eachother in those situations. you may both be pretty firy.

Put it this way, the busier you are you won't have enough time to get into many petty arguments. Remember something, we all do this, I do this with members of my family, but you work it out and you start to learn respect and certain aspects to their personalty that you know can set them off, and learn not to deliberately do that.

If you do it, he will learn to. Hey, he can't argue with someone that's not arguing back, he'll soon start looking very stupid and go quiet.

Answer 2

The most important thing believe it or not is know when to take a " time out " I know it seems like such a childish term but really nobody can communicate well when tempers are flying in all directions. If you see an argument starting calmly say something like,... OK I see this are getting a little heated so let's take a break and address this when we both can be reasonable.
If the other person refuses to let it go for the time being then simply remove yourself from the situation by going for a walk or a drive. Don't just ignore him as that could make him more frustrated ( I don't know anybody that likes to be ignored! ) By the time you go back they should be calmed down and you as well which will allow you both to think rationally :) Also try and communicate in a way that doesn't make it sound like you are putting all the blame on him. That took me a long time to learn but if you can squeeze little frazes in like eg; " I feel that we are both missing something " or I think I have misunderstood or miscommunicated" instead of saying,.. " No you totally missed the point because as usual you won't listen" Good luck and Happy Holidays!

Answer 3

The rule of not arguing for 5 months is a little unreal, I mean arguments are normal, how ever petty they may be. So, all I can say is, to take it one step at a time, learn to deal with things in a different way and, compromise. Don't forget that communication is key to a healthy relationship.

Good luck,
Merry Christmas!

Answer 4

Try to agree to disagree. You both should start seeing things from each others point of view. And do extremely constructive things together. Go for a hike somewhere or something. Spend a good day together to enjoy each others company. Do it at least a couple times a month. But, you do need a healthy relationship. So don't let it all build up inside. If it's a reasonable fight, then speak your mind, and explain.

Answer 5

If you're both arguing all the time it sounds like there are some serious issues with a) selfishness and b) immaturity. On top of that, you may just not be a match. And don't believe that all relationships have conflict. My hubby and I have managed to live with each other's quirks and raise five kids without arguing.

Answer 6

society sends us the message that if "we are in love", then thats all it takes for a good marriage. the truth is, love has very little to do with it. people argue cause they are doing things that push the other persons buttons. we get our buttons from past experiences with parents or past relationships. if good relationship skills were not learned from your parents, then you will need to learn them from someone else. find a good marriage councelor. that is the best idea. your problems will not go away on their own. ignoring them will not solve the problem either. in addition, get involved in a good support group where you will find other couples who are going thru the same things. the people who lead these groups are usually couples who have been where you are at. you will see that there is hope. im proud of you for wanting to stick it out. dont leave it to chance. get educated. :) many churches offer these support groups. many communities have these groups also. look in the paper. :)

Answer 7

My wife and I never fight, mostly because we consciously choose to not do so. I had decided long ago that I was unwilling to raise my voice under any circumstance, since I do not like to lose control of myself emotionally. My wife, prior to dating me, had been in verbally abusive relationships, and together we decided to simply not argue, as it seems you and your boyfriend have done.

Generally, the easiest solution, is to recognize that you are starting to enter into a negative confrontation, and immediately cut it off. On occasion, my wife or I have merely stated that it's time to drop it, and we are both willing to let it go until we are calm. For tough subjects, we will occasionally take breaks in them and resume at a later time, when both parties are emotionally relaxed. Neither of us seek to metaphorically "Draw blood" when things begin to get heated either, so it helps.

If worse comes to worse, just leave for a while. I have had to take the occasional drive to clear my head. People are human, and when two persons, even those who care greatly for each other, spend a great deal of time around each other, occasionally, they will get angry at each other. This is natural, and all that you need to do is curb it.

Prior to meeting my wife, I had gotten to the point where ex-girlfriends would want to try to start a fight, and I would pull out a book and begin reading. When they became angrier, I simply ignored their behavior then waited for them to break for a moment. At this point, I would tell them simply "If you want to leave do so. Otherwise, calm down, and we will discuss this when you are rational." No subject is taboo, but it must be spoken calmly and rationally.

This has worked for me for years. I simply will not allow myself to be baited.

Answer 8

Well I had the same problem with my ex.I would suggest that everytime you get mad or he,that you either walk away until you both have calmed down,or count to 10 and then try to talk to each other.Just don't go chasing him or keep on.I also think taking A job and school will really help.I hope this helped A little.

Answer 9

the international is a extreme place. relaxing isn't something yet a hurry of chemical aspects defined as pleasing via your techniques. this is a organic ingredient, and is extra of an incentive than a reason. i do no longer think of relaxing is that important, nor do i think of humor is that important. those issues dwindled interior the face of pastime and purpose. Progressing, studying, coming up and know-how--those are what are important. because of the fact without those issues, our DNA is doomed.

Answer 10

What's happening in 5 months time? That's a very odd time frame!

Don't sweat the little stuff if he is really that important to you, but don't let him treat you like a piece of crap just cause you think you are in love.

It shouldn't be that much hard work.