2006-12-22 16:48:27 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Two blondes are walking through the forest and sees a set of track on the ground. The first blond says, "oh look, deer tracks!"
The second blond says, "oh no, I think they are moose tracks!"
They stand right on top of them for a closer look....and argue....
....DEER TRACKS!
...NO! MOOSE TRACKS!
...
...NO! DEER TRACKS
...
..........then a train hits them!
2006-12-22 17:28:55 · answer #1 · answered by moobiemuffin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Three men die on Christmas Eve. They go to the pearly gates where they meet Peter. Peter tells them that since it was Christmas Eve, they must have an item on them that represents the holy day. The first man fumbles in his pockets and pulls out his car keys, to which Peter says,"That could represent silver bells." The second man fumbles around and pulls out a piece of tissue paper, to which Peter says,"That could represent a hymn." The third man fumbles, fumbles, fumbles and finally pulls out a pair of lacy women's underwear. Peter thinks and says"I have no idea what to bring of that." to which the man says" These are Carol's, let the season begin!"
Merry Christmas!
2006-12-22 16:53:08 · answer #2 · answered by Short and sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy got really drunk and his friends dared him to marry this really fat girl and he did, after wards he was really unhappy and he called her big b i t c h all the time, she got tired of being called that so she went out and got a tattoo, she got a B tattooed on each butt cheek for Big B i t c h, when he got home from work he asked her what have you been doing today big b i t c h, she said come in to the bedroom and I'll show you, he went to the bedroom and she pulled down her pants and bent over to show him the tattoo, and he said "Who the f u c k is BOB"
2006-12-22 16:56:44 · answer #3 · answered by sks26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
two i can tell...
one...
She whispered "will it hurt me?"
"Of course not" answered he
"It's a very simple process,
You can rely on me."
She said "I'm very frightened,
I've not had this before.
My friend has had it five times
And said it can be sore."
It was growing rather painful
Tears formed in her eyes
It was hurting quite a bit now
It must have been a size.
"Calm yourself" he whispered
"His face filled with a grin
"Try and open wider
So I can get it in."
"It's coming now" he whispered
"I know" she cried in bliss
Feeling it deep within her now
She said "I am glad I'm having this."
And with a final effort
She gave a frightened shout
He gripped it in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.
She lay back quite contended
Sighed and gave a smile
She said "I'm glad I came now
You made it worth my while."
Now if you read this carefully
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined
It's just your dirty mind!!
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two...
All men have one...
I have one !!
You husband will have one!!
Your mother uses ur fathers one!!
Your auntie uses ur uncles one!!
A maried lady will acquire one!!
But a divorced lady will loose her one!!
A Pope doesn't use one!!
Ming Chang has a small one!!
Arnold Schwarzenneger has a long one!!
Madonna doesn't have one !!
Chinese usually have short ones !!
While Pakistani's have long long ones!!
After marriage ur husband will give u his one!!
Long or short it doesn't matter coz u'll have to take his one!!
What do u want? L O N G one / SHORT one!
Which one is ur preferred one? LONG or SHORT!!
What r u thinking of?(see below for the answer)
ur SURNAME....is what i'm talking about..what have u been thinking?
U DIRTY MIND...SHAME ON U
----
three actually...
a blonde walks into her work, and passes her boss. Her boss stops her and ask why she has headphones on and if she could possibly take them off to WORK her job. She says if she takes them off then she dies. Well, one day when she fell asleep on the job, her boss slips over and pops off her headphones.
the blonde died instantly.
the boss puts on the headphones, and they are singing;
breath in.
breath out.
breath in.
breath out.
2006-12-22 18:07:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this man goes to a pet store and he sees a frog in the window for 1500 dollars.He asked the pet store clerk, why is that frog 1500 dollars?the clerk said that the frog could give the best head job he will ever experience,so the man buys the frog.He gets home and a while later his wife comes home and the man is in the kitchen boiling a pot of water with the frog in his hand.The wife says,i hope your not planning to cook that frog for dinner.The man says,no..but if i can teach this frog to cook...your out of here.
2006-12-22 16:55:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but I have a trick question for you:
Two cats are driving a tank down the road, on their way to the store to buy a can of creamed corn. The hit a bag in the street and feathers go everywhere. Which direction was the wind blowing?
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Trick question! It was two ducks that were driving.
Okay, they asked me this question in a job interview yesterday. I couldn't believe it! My answer was "East". Luckily, he didn't expect me to get the right answer. LMAO.
2006-12-22 16:58:53 · answer #6 · answered by Dillydally 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
a blond is standing on a bridge about to jump. A sailor walks up and says "Please don't jump, why would you want to?" She says "I have nothing left here to live for" The sailor says he is leaving tomorrow for the carribean and can stow her away on the ship and all he wants in return is to fu%k her every night. She agrees. This goes on for a few days until the captain finds her and wants to know what she is doing on his boat. "One of the sailors said he would take me to the carribean and all he wanted in return was to fu*k me" "Well" he says "he's fuc*ing you all right...this is the Stanton Island Ferry!
2006-12-22 17:02:29 · answer #7 · answered by beanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."
The teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."
She does and gets a cookie.
The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."
The teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."
Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."
The teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."
2006-12-22 16:57:17 · answer #8 · answered by your wonderwall 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most people who are on their death bed are usually praying to their god for forgiveness. Me, on the other hand, am hoping He has a sense of humor!
2006-12-22 16:53:49 · answer #9 · answered by doogie2man 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: I'll tell you tomorrow.
heck this out for more: http://www.ahajokes.com/joke_of_the_day.shtml
2006-12-22 17:13:53 · answer #10 · answered by Julita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋