tom and i just got back from our yearly x-mas party at my inlaws house.when we were there tom's exwife showed up with thier son to bring gifts(even the dog got a gift but not me what a surpise) and made herself right at home for more than 2 hours.i know what everyone is thinking that i'm a evil stepmom.but what you don't know is we had a party with joe's son the night befor with my inlaws to exchange gifts with him.she knew we were having our party and can just to make me upset.we do not get along at all she is very bitter and jealous that i married her tom and makes my life hell anyway she can.my inlaws did not invite her but she uses thier son like bait to get into these functions.i'm also mad at tom as this did not bother him at all and he has no plans on saying anything to his ex about this.i told him how this made me feel and he just said what do u want me to do i can't stop her from showing up.i'm just afraid that she got away with it this time and will do it all the time now.
2006-12-22 16:31:39 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
how should i handle this?should i just drop it?
2006-12-22 16:32:05 · update #1
My BIL's ex wife did the same thing for years, even bringing her own mother to our family parties. The cure? Have your hubby pick up his son and bring him along to the party. Then the ex has no excuse to crash the party herself.
2006-12-22 16:34:56 · answer #1 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no one's going to think you're a bad person, trust me, I feel really bad for you because you're husband just let his ex barge into your party and take control of everything. I would be very upset! anyone would be.
this is a problem that your husband should have handled himself, but he didn't. he should not leave you feeling stuck in the middle like he did. that was wrong, and he needs to understand that. it really isn't your place to have to deal with this woman. and by the way, she sounds like a real pain, to say the least. and she obviously has no respect for you, your husband, your in-laws, her son, your marriage, or even herself!
if your husband isn't going to handle things the way he should, then I suggest you handle it if it happens again. just be prepared ahead of time, and be expecting her, just in case she does have the nerve to show up. but whatever you don't give her the satisfaction of letting her know that you're bothered by her, and don't let her run the show either. if she shows up, you answer the door, and act like you were expecting her, be polite, but most importantly, be confident in yourself, and show her that you've changed, and you're running things from now on. and do it! she will be shocked by your new found confidence, and I guarantee you, she won't be so quick to show up at another family get together uninvited. this whole situation really has to do with this woman wanting to be in control of you, your husband, and her ex inlaws. she's just trying to cause trouble, and she can only do it if you let her.
I really hope this helps you out, and makes some sense too.
I wish you the best.
2006-12-22 17:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by atiana 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is quite a tough situation you have been put in. It's one thing to remain friendly with the family of your ex, but another to act like nothing has changed.
Not only was she rude to barge in, but your husband was disrespectful to you to not lay this down before she crossed the threshold. The thing to do in the future is to stop her at the entrance and politely say that the event is a closed event, that friends can send their well-wishes later or over the phone. Say it clearly and firmly and prevent her from going any further. AND the person to do all this is your husband or the hosts (your in-laws).
As for what has already past, the only thing to do is bite your lip when referring to the ex except to tell your husband how disappointed you are. He may not be able to stop her from appearing, but he IS capable of telling her that the relationship is gone and her place to celebrate is with her family.
2006-12-26 10:23:37 · answer #3 · answered by erythisis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is a difficult situation and i feel for you but it doesn't sound like you can do anything about it. maybe when you have another event or party try to tell your inlaws not to mention when the party will be held or have them give her a bogus date. don't let the ex bring you down for the Christmas spirit girl! enjoy the holidays cause you got your husband to share it with!
2006-12-22 16:38:25 · answer #4 · answered by Ruth R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like poor boundaries, but I don't think that she did for spite as they were her in-laws at one point. Tom does need to establish some guidlelines with her as it was disrespectful. She could have dropped the presents off when you and your spouse weren't present.
2006-12-22 16:38:04 · answer #5 · answered by J W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should not have come. She was not invited. Someone needs to talk to her. I think it should be Tom first. Your inlaws second. You third.
2006-12-22 16:36:46 · answer #6 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your best bet is to welcome the ex, and let her know that her showing up doesn't bother you at all. ( even if it does).Treat her like a long lost sister. When she realizes that her stunt didn't get any negative results. She will stop.
2006-12-22 16:50:55 · answer #7 · answered by JJOFTEXAS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dr. phil??
2006-12-22 16:37:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋