dont actually have my own money, "our" money is really HIS money...so lately I have been realising that I have the power here, my guy makes about 10,000 amonth take home, and he is VERY controlling with the money, to the point he makes me feel like a child when I need something, Im an adult and I shount have to ask or explain to him why I need what...so I have been refusing sex unless he gives me CASH so I can put it in my savings account.
It sounds like prostitution, sure, but being a SAHM DOES NOT PAY, and I dont want to be broke at 40 when my kid is moved away!
He does NOT want me to work and gets ngry as hell when I say Im getting a job, plus he will not help out with daycare, so I decided this is how it will be.
Besides Stay home moms are kinda prostitutes anyways, if you never had sex with your husbands he would divorce you and no one would pay your way!
2006-12-22 16:09:53 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
A friend of my mom had a friend who's husband was controlling with the money too. When she went to the grocery store she would write a check for about $20 over what the total was and take that cash and put it in an account that had just her name on it. When she left him she had a few thousand $ to help her find a place of her own.
2006-12-22 16:17:43 · answer #1 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you told him how he makes you feel? My husband used to be that way until I told him that I got so stressed and depressed over worrying about every little penny I spent on just groceries, that I would cry all the way home. He never knew this until I told him. Afterwards, he quit being so controlling and bossy over the money he made. Also, tell him that if he doesn't want you getting a job, that you should be allowed an "allowance" per week. Anywhere from $25-50 should be fair enough. Now, you do need to make sure that you do your wifely and motherly duties (keeping the house clean, caring for your children, cooking, etc., etc.) . You can also use this when you talk to him. Tell him that being a wife and mother is no walk in the park. It is a full-time job, and unless he plans on taking over, you deserve part of his wages because you're doing what he's not. Withholding sex is only going to bite you in the butt later on, even though it sounds like a good idea right now. I'd have a serious talk with him...good luck!
2006-12-22 16:23:38 · answer #2 · answered by herefordsun 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2006-12-26 15:27:59 · answer #3 · answered by jamistansberry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find it truly sad. Not all husbands of stay at home moms are that why.Mine sure as hell isn't or he would not be my husband for long. You may not"work" but you earn that money just as much he does. In our house we feel that he may make the money but we both earn it. If you are not shopping him into the poor house then there is no reason for him to treat you this way.And just for the record I am not a prostitute.Thank you very much. I have no idea about you husband but mine dose not pay the bill because I have sex with him. I am secure in the knowledge that if I should lose that ability he would love me anyway.
2006-12-23 03:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by blue_eyed_brat78 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel really bad and can't imagine what you're going through. What I think doesn't matter much in your life - what matters is what you think and how you feel. Honestly, it sounds like you're trying really hard to convince yourself that you believe all the stuff you said about sahm's. I know you didn't ask my opinion but I'll go out on a limb here. If I were you I would insist that you and your husband get some counseling. If he refuses he will be cut off from everything - tell him this - he will no longer have clean clothes, no more dinners (yes, you can make something for yourself and the kids and nothing for him), do not make him a lunch to take to work, no sex (not even for cash), no smiles, no conversations, he comes home to nothing. If he wants to control everything so much and at the expense of those he loves then he can control the microwave and the washing machine and the conversation he has with himself. When he decides to either come to his senses and cherish and love and take care of (financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc...) the mother of his children and the beautiful bride he married then we'll talk about him getting some of wonderful things you do for him back. You need to flip this on him. He wants to be the big man who works - fine - you are wonderful women who takes care of the home. I think that makes you boss at home. You are the CEO of your family. If everyone is doing their job homelife runs smoothly. But when someone doesn't, like your husband, well he needs to have his "paycheck" taken away along with his "benefits, pension and life insurance". When he starts doing his "job" he can have them back. Just like the kids - they don't want to do their chores, then they don't get their allowance. I understand you wouldn't cut off your children but it seems your husand has taken this pretty far. If he doesn't know how to do his job properly then he needs to agree to "training" or counseling so that he can take care of his family.
One other thing - if he has ever been physical with you or the kids please don't do this - it may send him over the edge. Please call your family or friends to help you and get out. Take it from a kid whose mom didn't stand up the big man of the house. It sucks spending your childhood walking on eggshells.
Please take care and God bless.
2006-12-22 16:44:02 · answer #5 · answered by Kelly M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not true. I am a stay at home mum with 2 kids. My husband works but he doesn't have control over the money. It is are money, it goes into a joint account and I make most of the decisions. It just sounds like you are in a bad relationship.
2006-12-23 12:15:36 · answer #6 · answered by Weiners and Beans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a stay at home mom, because i want to be, If I was really persistant about working it would take an act of God to get me not to work. I love staying home and taking care of my kids and my husband, i do it becuase i want to. If u dont want to then maybe it is time you speak up and let him know how you feel. Withholding sex doesnt do any good, what if gets it from some place else then what have you accomplished? My husband doesnt stay with me just for sex, because he works long hours and I hardly see him i we dont get alot of alone time. But i dont have to sleep with my man to get everything i want, i just get it cause he wants me to be happy. Just look at my online name. I dont need anyone to pay my way. I am happy with who i am and I do not need a man in my life to fulfill me and make me happy. Maybe it is time you two sought out some marriage counseling, to see if you marriage can be helped or not.
2006-12-22 16:22:55 · answer #7 · answered by princessami 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is controlling you. You are letting him.
He cannot force you to stay at home no more then you can force him to "share" the money.
In a marriage--I feel if only one person is working it should be considered their (as in both the husband's and wife's) money.
Leave him. You don't "need" to be with him. If he's going to run your life you need to get out. If you don’t like the way he handles the money you don’t need to be with him.
It's not prostitution if you are a stay at home mother. I know that I could get a job if I wanted to but I don't. I enjoy staying with my kids. I enjoy what I do in my home.
If you don't. Leave. It's as easy as that.
Sorry to be blunt but you are allowing this to happen. It’s wrong if you are only staying with him for the money anyway. He probably knows what you are in the relationship for if that’s true.
2006-12-22 16:18:44 · answer #8 · answered by .vato. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Am a stay at home mum..and i am no prostitute..even though i dont work i make my own money ... I make garage sales..i sell things on the internet...i do manicures & pedicures... i find my own way of making my own money ...always different things..and people come back ... though i dont have a problem if i need money and ask my patner...he doesnt make any problems for me.
Dont let him control you...it may be only him that is making money..but he has to take care of you and your children with that money.
2006-12-22 16:29:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing i'd do sweetie is go to your Dr. and tell him you suspect that you have a spinal problem. Ask him what to do about living without a BACKBONE!. If you have the spite to withold sex for money (evwen trade, right?) Then you certainly should have the bartering ability to stand up as a woman, the mother of his children, and his PARTNER in matrimony to tell him just exactly the way it will go from here on out as PARTNERS in this commitment of matrimony, or he can find a nice lil' backwards uneducated hillrat to take care o' his babies, fetch his beer, cook his grits & be his lil' love slave!!! I bet ya', if push comes to shove,, he'll opt for what he has.However, excuse me if I offend you, but you need to realize that a man only walks on what's already on the floor...whether it be trash, socks, or a nice doormat. If ya don't want it walked on, PICK IT UP!!!!. ;-) and no offense, but I wouldn't want, need OR expect someone else to "pay my way", I hope you don't feel that it's someone else's job to support you. The world don't owe you for existing baby, we all have to pave our own way in this life. Good Luck & God Bless.
2006-12-22 16:34:32 · answer #10 · answered by lizrdluvnmom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋