just because it was easier to do?

Question

okay heres the deal im 14 and adopted only by my dad
this is what destroyed me on the inside because my birth dad walked away from me when i was young (age 1) I thought that if I was a little bit better, smarter, cuter, or nicer. Since my mom is my birth mom i feel close to her and on my dad (adopted one) i feel seperated cause both of my sisters come from him. I have had to deal with so much and i cant talk about it without feeling like my insides have been ripped out.. This has caused me more pain then anyone could ever dream of. I keep it inside so no one knows and it just rips me up inside. To every father ot there never walk away you have no idea what it does to a kid.

How could any father walk away because its easier to do?

I've talked to him once and it just made it worse then ever

and

i love my dad now its just ive gained major hate issues with my bio dad

me and mom dad now are tight but it still hurts

Answer 1

Parents don't walk away because of anything you did. You are not the cause! Many times it could be that they just don't know how to step up and take care of their responsibilities.

Have you tried talking to a trusted adult about the way you feel?
My father didn't choose to be a part of my life while I was growing up, so I know how you feel. But, it sounds like you are intelligent and have a lot of things going for you. Don't let the absence of your father drive you insane. YOU are better than that!

Answer 2

First, don't think that what your dad did was in any way your fault. Imagine if you were a parent -- what would your child have to do to get you to leave him? I'd guess that you can't imagine anything he could do which would persuade you to leave him -- so why would you imagine that you were the reason for what your father did?

Second, while it is sad that, for whatever reason, your birth father chose not to participate in your life -- why focus on that? Keep in mind that your adoptive father, who had no obligations to you, chose to be in your life. He didn't have to -- he chose you. Do you still imagine that your father leaving was your fault? His leaving was most likely due to something going on with him -- not you. Also, clearly, he did not leave only you -- he left your mother as well. None of this is your fault.

While it is important that you stop blaming yourself, I think it is also important that you find a way to get past this hate and anger you have for your birth-father. Anger will just continue to eat away at you and it gains you nothing. Your anger doesn't hurt your father in any way -- it is simply a way in which your father continues to hurt you day after day. You don't deserve any of this pain but only you have any power to get over it. I won't kid you -- it won't be easy. Your anger is justified and that's the hardest kind to deal with, but it is hurting you and you need to find a way past it. To do that you will likely need to find a way to forgive your birth father. Again, I'm not suggesting that will be easy but doing so will help you find peace and you deserve to have this peace.

I think that your best approach would be with professional counseling. That would likely require that you discuss this with your parents and I know you have avoided that, but you should probably try to tell them how much this is hurting you. When you do so try to emphasize to your adoptive father how much you love and appreciate him so he doesn't feel like your feelings of anger and abandonment are some sort of rejection of him.

If you feel you cannot discuss this with your parents, perhaps see about counseling at school. At the very least, find a trusted friend that you can share your feelings with and who is willing to listen and to support you. Don't keep it bottled up inside -- it will be very, very hard to deal with this entirely on your own and you shouldn't have to.

I wish you peace. If you can, let us know how things progress for you. Good luck.

- Les

Answer 3

It had nothing to do with you that made your father leave. Some only seem to think of themselves. Have you been in contact with your birth father? If not maybe you should try it may ease some of the pain you are feeling. Also your adopted dad will not love you any less because you are not his flesh and blood try to build more of a bond with him, (I know when you are a teenage that is not easy with any parent) also try talking to your Mum about how you feel.

Answer 4

You did NOTHING to make your real dad leave. He is a BAS***D and a coward for walking out. A guy that would walk away from his wife and child/ren has no right to be called a dad. Your dad (The one that raised you) cared enough about you to adopt you, and although it is normal to feel that he may care more for his bio-kids, he loves you too. Talk to your mom about your feelings. Don't let this eat you up inside. If you can't talk to her talk to another family member or school counselor.

Answer 5

I think you need to decide exactly what it is you want from your bio father.

His love? Do you want him to replace you adopted dad? Do you REALLY want him in your life??? Exactly WHY do you want him back in your life? To yell at him? To make him feel as bad as you claim he has made you feel?

You cannot make him love you. You cannot make him replace your bio father. You cannot make him get back in your life. You can yell at him all you want, but he WILL NOT feel bad about what he has done.

You can however, decide that what he does has absolutely nothing to do with you. I'm sure he was an *** long before you were born. I'm sure he is still an *** now.

He is someone else's problem. Thank your lucky stars he isn't in your life now. Maybe, someday, he will want to see you again... but don't count on it.

I'm sorry hun. Go hug your sisters, hug your dad, hug and kiss your mom. They all love you and WANT to be with you....

Answer 6

Always remember that his leaving was NOT your fault! That is the most important thing to remember.

Also, try to find an adult to talk to like a teacher you can trust or school counselor. It will make you feel a lot better. No child should have to walk around with all of this anger. You need to let it out. Good luck to you!

Answer 7

Sometimes it is because the birth-father has a whole lot of issues and problems. My sons father abandoned him, but it had nothing to do withme or my son. His father has mental problems, and a lot of other issues.

I know it really hurts (I was adopted out by both parents as an infant), but please remember that it isn't about you at all! You are the victim here. Your father left because oif HIS problems, nothing at all about you. He is the one that is missing out.

email me at [e-mail] if you would like to talk more about this. I really do understand the emotions surrounding this kind of situation.

Answer 8

many fathers can't deal with having children be thankful that your mother is around and your step dad plus you have a bonus of two sisters be happy and get closer to the people around you

Answer 9

my bio dad was the exact same way as yours...Im 26 now, and I know him actually now (i met him at 18) and I could give a rats *** if he died tommorow you know.
I ignore him and I have no feelings for him either.
So I dont blame you for hating your bio dad.
Love your adopted dad and love your mom!

Answer 10

i think you need to know that your father who care about you help you eat good see him every day when your school need your father who show up not the one give you the birth only the one who care