When you write out an obituary, how is the polite way to ask in lieu of flowers, could you donate to my daughter?
2006-12-22 14:53:18 · 11 answers · asked by myangelbarry 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It's not a really polite request. So I guess there is no polite way to ask it.
2006-12-22 14:55:43 · answer #1 · answered by littlechrismary 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not always appropriate to ask for donations in place of flowers but there are certain exceptions that are allowed:
1) In the death of a parent where there are small children in the home,
2) In the death of a child,
3) If the request for donations is to go to a charity associated with the deceased in some way, like a breast cancer charity in the case of a breast cancer victim.
Before you ask for donations you should go to your local bank or credit union and set up a charitable trust designed for a specific purpose associated with the death in some way. Ex. The Jane Rogers Cancer Fund to help pay for medical bills or The Bernstein Children College Fund. This lets people know what the money will be used for and helps make the donations tax deductible.
Then, in the obituary say "In lieu of flowers please make donations to [insert the name of fund here]."
If you do that you leave people a choice. Those who are uncomfortable giving money can still send flowers. Those who want to give but don't want to be recognized can do so anonymously. And those who want to give openly can, with the expectation of receiving a thank you note.
2006-12-22 15:59:12 · answer #2 · answered by VirtualImpulse 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
People who care enough to send the flowers will care enough to do as the deceased wished. You can simply write it as you wish: In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to the following fund:........................ Most funeral homes now have online guest books and will place the request as a part of all published announcements. It is a very kind request by the way. The flowers will whither and fade, but the money could be put to good use for a daughter after someone passes away.
2006-12-22 15:02:43 · answer #3 · answered by DinahLynne 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm so sorry for your family's loss (was it your daughter's dad?) However, it's never polite to beg for money, regardless of the wording.
If someone else wants to set up some sort of fund for your daughter, then it's up to *them* to arrange it and request that people donate. It would be rude of you to do it yourself-- it should be done by someone else, for the benefit of you and your daughter. It would look quite greedy if you set it up yourself. Requesting money for your daughter directly like that would just not be right.
It is only appropriate that you suggest donations to charities, if people want to make a donation (because the recipient-- the charity-- is totally separate from you).
2006-12-22 19:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very tricky. But I would put, at the end of the obituary, something like the following:
"I hope everyone will understand this request. Will you please, instead of flowers, donate to help out my daughter who is in dire financial need."
2006-12-22 16:36:05 · answer #5 · answered by concernedjean 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
im sorry about your last and may God be with you in your time of distress.
its hard to ask for donation without sounding needy in a way...but you can mention in your own words, "thank you to everyone who has made donations, and if anyone else is interested in doing so..." then give a very brief about how and where.
"Some people are only here for a short time...a blessing...they come as a gift and stay briefly...only long enough to bring the blessing to others....then the gift i gone but you still have the gifts, memories, and blessings they left behind for you their loved one."
2006-12-22 15:27:03 · answer #6 · answered by autumn_aka_slick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the need. If you are setting up a trust, you could mention that.
It's really hard to say because we don't know who died, how this person was related to the daughter, why the daughter needs the money, etc.
Can't really answer if we don't know.
2006-12-22 14:56:30 · answer #7 · answered by Deirdre H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no polite way to do this. It is rude to ask people to give to a charity they may not believe in in stead of expressing their sympathy in a way that feels right to them. If people ask what they can do then it is OK to tell them.
2006-12-22 16:26:44 · answer #8 · answered by babydoll 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Smokey Joe Here lies Smoky Joe, His head and feet buried below. He died a good man- A man with a heart, But gaseous he was, And died from a fart. He lit his last match And saw a blue flame- His last cigarette Was likely to blame.
2016-05-22 21:32:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your daughter the deceased? If this is a real life situation, please accept my condolences.
Anyways, I would think that saying all floral arrangements are requested to be donated to _____________ or whatever would work...
2006-12-22 14:56:16 · answer #10 · answered by TheTruthHurts 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋