Compromise with a toddler?

Question

What are some ways that you comprimise with your toddler? I fell like my 19 month old is in a constant power struggle with me. What are some things you do to make your kids feel validated, while still maintaining control of the situation.

Answer 1

Give them a choice. Show them two outfits and let them pick which one...or two choices for lunch..play inside or out back..when you give them two choices (picked by you) you still set the parameters but they feel in control. Use positive reinforcement and pick your battles. What is the most important to you. If, in the grand scheme of life, it isn't a big deal then don't worry about it.

Answer 2

The one word a child will hear said to him/her most is "no." You may have even noticed while around some other parents how pointless some of their "no's" tend to be. This repercussions of this are two-fold.

One negative aspect is that you don't agree with many of the times you say no. Because of this, you can easily be talked out of your decision, or break down when the child asks why or keeps trying. This sets the precedent that you don't mean it when you deny a child something and that s/he CAN argue with you.

The other down side to this is that the child is striped of all power and choice. The child also has no understanding of why some things are ok and others are not.

One of the fist things you can do is to analyze your decision making process and WHY you are telling the child yes or no. When you say no, you MUST stick to it no matter what. Be firm and do not get let into arguments. It is hard at first, but your child will get the point. Staying firm also applies while in public places when your child is embarrassing you for a candy bar.
:)

Use time-outs and any other method you decide is necessary to enforce your decisions.

Some other phrases you can use besides "No" are
Yes
Yes because....... (what you did well)
No because...... (don't let him make you keep repeating this one, once is enough. Then you can move to a simple no).


ps. Do not compromise. You are the boss and responsible for his/her growth. Just understand your choices and be firm.

Answer 3

19 monthes is still pretty young. I don't think there is a lot of compromising. Giving choices about what to wear or eat or even what to do when you have time is great. But there is no choice about some things, like holding your hand in a parking lot or a busy street. Things that keep them safe are just the way it will be. As your child grows and learns some judgement, he or she gets more choices. Praising the child for the good things builds him up; being told no is a part of life and parents are bigger and older for a reason.Helping him learn to be kind and likeable is a good thing. Not fun to be grown up and have no one like you because no one took the time to teach you some basics. Being a parent is work. Some kids and parents have more struggles than other, I think our personalities come into play. Good Luck

Answer 4

Never spank or hit a child! Don't listen to the people that said that. Toddlers are still learning and fighting for their independence. When my 22 month old has a tantrum I ignore it. I don't let her know that I am listening to her scream. After she realizes it's not working I offer her a choice of things that she is allowed to have. Another good thing is distracting with something else.

You can't really compromise with them at this age, but you can let them know what behavior is acceptable and what isn't.

Good luck!

Answer 5

You may not always be able to compromise with your toddler; especially if what he/she wants is not good for them or you. If you're trying to get your child to do something give them choices: "Are you going to put the toys away yourself or would you like for me to help you?" Either way the job gets done and the child got to make a decision for themselves. If he/she is doing something you don't want him/her to be doing, use positive redirection. For instance if the child is throwing blocks get down on the child's level and show him/her how to play with the blocks correctly. Once your child does what you have asked him/her to do thank him/her, give your child praises for being a big boy/girl. Give praises when you child is doing good things throughout the day: "Thank you for using walking feet in the house," or " You did a very good job eating all your food today." This kind of attention makes the child feel good and may give him/her guidance to do the right hing in the future. These things helped me when I was working with a number of toddlers, I hope this helps you with yours. You may want to check out Supernanny's website. She knows all kinds of stuff.

Answer 6

I can compromise with my 4 year old, have been since she was 2. Sometimes, when it's time to do something she doesn't want to do, instead of fighting about it, I offer to let her wear her Halloween costume, or let her take something with her, so she feels she got her way in one part, and I got my way in another. Time for bed... she will go IF I let her wear her Cinderella dress, okay, put it on, lets go. You can compromise on the tiny aspects of YOUR schedule or in things that need to get done, never in safety matters, but little stupid things, like letting your child take a bath in with some food coloring in it, no big deal.

Answer 7

ALWAYS offer choices, even when you are limiting him.

If you are taking away something say: "You can't play with X, would you like to play with Y or Z?" Or you can't do X, whatever.

Also keep some of his toys away. Having too many toys makes them more bored. If they only have 10 choices, but every day there are a few different ones they will be more interested. Obviously don't take away anything he can't live without. Then when he is "bored" you can give something back. Don't make a big deal out of putting them away, this isn't punishment.

Answer 8

You can't reason with a toddler.
Validation is a shrink term for a kid that will be on Ritalin in 5 years.
You give them one swat in the diaper area and they will learn their ways are not necessarily your ways. That will get their attention.
You can't reason them to put away toys, go to the bathroom,not walk out the door or into the street.
When they are about 4 years old, you can reason with them, give them rewards, time outs, etc.
Gain control of the situation now or you will have a real terror on your hands in 2 years.

Answer 9

I believe there is a certain extent of compromise needed with a toddler. My only experience is with mine. I let him make choices, such as juice or milk with supper, Winnie the Pooh or Elmo video before nap time...small things to us, but big things to them. My doctor was the one that suggested this to me, and it works. My son knows the things he is allowed to control, and he knows what things I control. Good luck and happy holidays!!

Answer 10

Its 9:30 and I'm EXHAUSTED. My 4 year old has so much control its rediculus! I dont let her get away with it, thats why I'm so beat. Its a constant state of compromise I live in. Who knows.