This is his first year at a prestigious university. We noticed a change when he came home to visit the first time, he hadn't had a shave or haircut in weeks. And we also learned that he had attended an anti-American war protest for class credit! But what was shocking was when he visited for Thanksgiving, which was always one of his favorite holidays. He seemed contemptous about the family gathering this time and started saying it was a disgrace to celebrate a "genocide" and something about smallpox (?).
Anyhow, things haven't gotten any better since he's come home for Christmas break. His father asked him to take out the trash and he did so, but only after muttering about "patriarchy". He doesn't want to write any Christmas cards or give presents, not even to his Aunt Marge. He says he refuses to participate in an "orgy of consummerism".
What the hell happened to our son? Did they brainwash him? Or you think maybe drugs?
2006-12-22 13:34:12 · 10 answers · asked by Frank 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It's not drugs
and if it is,
thats the least of your problems
Congratulations, you are paying for your child to learn to hate the country that loves him so.
It is very probable that your son is being brainwashed by liberal, left-wing fanatics on a daily bases. He has already started listening to them, his wheels are already turning. In 4 years you are going to have a country-hating, do it if it feels good kinda guy on your hands.
I am a US Marine, and I find it so very disturbing that even right now, as me and my brothers and sisters in arms risk their life for people like you and your family, there are "professors" teaching you to hate me and my country.
It is a HUGE problem and I hear about it all the time.
My advice is to pull him out NOW
and put him in a smaller, God-Fearing, private school
2006-12-22 15:17:56 · answer #1 · answered by semperfi 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
These are ideas that are out there and your son has latched on to them. This is good because everybody needs to exposed to a new way of thinking and understanding. Each one of these ideas comes with it new responsibility. One can say their anti-consumerism, but the responsibility is to find a replacement. So if your son is not going to write Holiday cards then its up to him to express himself some other way. I would suggest having him give back to the community by giving his time towards a cause like a homeless shelter.
If one is not going to celebrate Thanksgiving because Small Pox killed Native Americans then that is acceptable because Europeans brought the disease with them. However, one can still be thankful for something, and maybe instead of feasting that day, that person should try to help those who have a hard time being thankful.
Your son was exposed to new ideas that sounded within him, however I don't think he knows what they mean. These messages sound good to some, but action is needed to back them up. It's up to you now as a parent to motivate him on whatever path he chooses, despite the differences you may now have. As part of becoming a man he needs to learn why he believes the things he believes and the only test is the real world and a university is a test tube.
2006-12-23 01:02:29 · answer #2 · answered by The Tank 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's depressed and having a hard time fitting in and finding himself. I would be concerned about those kinds of comments too. Not that this is the problem (and it seems a little dramatic) but I watched a dateline special about how extreme groups (religious political ect.) look to recruit students that are vulnerable and can be easily controlled and convinced that what the "group" believes is right. It is almost like a predatory thing, and there are really so many extremist groups, especially in this time of war & global unrest. I may be totally wrong, but it is a possibility he has fallen in with people who are controlling him. OR he could just be rebelling and expressing himself since this is his first time out in the world. I guess you could check with the student affaris person, and check if there have been any disciplinary problems or if his attendance or grades are slipping. I would understand if he is a strong opinionated guy, but if he has gone from happy & respectful to surly and rude to you, that seems a bit extreme. I hope everything turns out okay, and I wish you the best with your son.
2006-12-22 21:46:16 · answer #3 · answered by Cris Tee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might be on track with the drugs thing. In any case, something I might do is call the college and find out how his credits are. If he's even in school, check later to who he's hanging around in the best way possible.
I don't think there's a college in the world that would change somebody this way. It's must be peer influence.
If you want to take this issue head on, you need to confront him. the following is the psychologist method of confrontation:
1. Confirm relationship - "Son, I love you and nothing will ever change that"
2. Discuss issue and how you feel about it.
3. Discuss how you can resolve the issues together.
4. Discuss what will change from here on.
5. Reaffirm the relationship.
I hope this helps. Merry Christmas!
2006-12-22 21:43:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
College does not brainwash people, however, when a kid goes to college, he/she is faced with many different ideas, people, groups, etc. I think he may have become involved with the wrong crowd in a sense......when kids go to college, they spend time trying to fit in....perhaps this "anti-american" crowd is where he fit in the most. They probably did a good job of making him feel comfortable around them. In time, he may get over this. He may eventually realize that his ideas are ridiculous, and will find another area to fit into and become passionate about. At some point, hopefully he will begin to focus on a career and find a passion to pursue there.
Also, many parents are quick to blame drugs for these things...it is not the drugs. Yes, many college students use drugs, which I think is wrong, but they don't make anyone believe or do such ridiculous things.
2006-12-22 22:30:27 · answer #5 · answered by iloveeeyore 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's likely not drugs. It sounds like the group that he's chosen to be a part of at school has really had an effect on him. He's still growing and finding himself. Don't stress out too much about it and give him some leway. Part of his actions around you is likely also for shock value. Just treat him the way you'd normally treat him and he'll likely mellow out maybe by the summer.
2006-12-22 21:37:10 · answer #6 · answered by sarahjaniepoo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has been exposed to freedom while away at college and not happy with the way things are run at home anymore. When he's away he lives the way he wants but then comes home and is treated like a little kid again. It sounds like the family is trying to make him feel guilty for the opinions he has formed. It seems like you are judging him and not taking his view seriously. Maybe you can try and hear what he has to say and be on his side rather than against him which will only push him further away.
2006-12-22 21:45:24 · answer #7 · answered by Abbey L 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
No, your son is becoming a man now. Slowly maybe. But he is doing what all great men do. Standing firm in what he believes. That shows integrity. He is obviously conflicting within himself. Muttering, even in a low tone is a way of challenging you in your beliefs, not as a fight, but as a Meir way of understanding all points of view, even if he has already made a choice. As his parent i can only imagine that you only want what's best for your son, give him a little space to find the balance in his life. Because ,Yes, the pilgrims did kill everybody, but no, that is not what its about, its about giving thanks to God for the blessing we have and have a couple of day off of work so we can go to Best Buy and wait in line for that one 1.99 i pod.
He'll come around, but don't push him away
2006-12-22 21:48:09 · answer #8 · answered by subjex@sbcglobal.net 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The idealism of youth is easily swayed by the piety of the liberals/communists who abound in education. Your poor kid thinks he's been enlightened. Hopefully he'll get his degree and rejoin the real world.
By the way, I am a teacher and believe me, ANY idea that doesn't fit into the hippy paradigm (anti-American, anti-Caucasian male, anti-christian, we-all-have-the-exact-same potential-it-is-just oppressed-at-differing-weights, etc..,) is fervently weeded out and ridiculed. I remember being corrected by a faculty mentor for mentioning that my dog-a golden retriever- loved the water, and that it was in the nature of her breed. Apparently saying that any behavior had a genetic influence is racist and insulting to my minority students, even though I was merely telling a friendly pet tale.
If this is truly a new set of values for your son, then he may be impressed by the promise of success from the education and the allure of being smarter than the previous generation, a real grown-up. Hopefully, with patience, time, and his increased maturity, he'll think more critically and get out of this mode. Just keep reminding him of who he is, gently. Good Luck.
P.S. Think of how gung-ho a soldier is right out of boot camp, and then look at him a year later, and then after release from duty when all he wants to do is grow his hair past regulation length.
2006-12-22 21:57:37 · answer #9 · answered by theinfalliblenena 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I hate to tell you this, but you have a big problem on your hands here. Apparently your kid has bought into the leftwing propaganda prevelant at many universities. They try and brainwash kids into hating their families, their country, their faith, their heritage, their race, etc. You didn't say which university he attends but if it's anything like Colorado and Professors like Ward Churchill you're in trouble!
Maybe you should pull him out of that school and find a more suitable one. And don't forget, many of these professors are ex-hippies themselves, who encourage kids to use drugs.
2006-12-22 22:17:07 · answer #10 · answered by robertbdiver 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋