My boyfriend is only comfortable when he iniciates sex. I want to be able to start it. What should I do?

Question

I talked to him about the issue with him, I always hate how he always rejects me when I want sex from him...but he will start it when he wants it..and I will always say yes bc if it were up to me, we would have sex everyday---anyways---he says he is just not comfortable with other people inictiating it--and it really bothers me that I cant feel comfortable after a year and half of being with him to be able to jump ontop of him and feel confident and awesome around him....but I love him...so please dont suggest we break up---I want to fix this...not break up

Answer 1

therapy, books, ect... talking is not going to fix it. First he has to realize that it is something that needs to be addressed. He has to want to help it. Right now it seems as though he does not realize it is a delima at all. That he has something to work on. However that may be inaccurate of an assumption that I have gathered from your q. If he does realize it then go from there. Ask him to see someone with you. If he says no then he is not that interested in you or helping himself. If he does not realize it is something that DOES need to be addressed then you should attempt to be very honest and open. Extremly vulnerable with feelings as to how you feel when he turns you down, about the reality of his controling behavoir weakening your sexual intamacy. That it is not a balanced relationship. He is controlling your sexual relationship and has been for the last yr and half and that is not healthy nor is it something you will be able to live with long term. You already are frustrated with good reason and you desire a change it is really up to him. If he wants to seek assistance in the realm of relationship therapy or even his own personal therapy in this particular area of "dis-tress" you have a chance. Do not fool yourself into believing in the "eventually", honey that is as you really do know inside a never. He needs to want to get thru this. If he says no take it at that and accept that this is what he is willing to offer you is it enough? Is this what you are willing to settle for? Good luck, remember that this is him not you. Whether he agress or refuses it is still him. Your focus should be "why have you stayed with a man who controls your sexual relationship?" "what within you allows this and attracted? "

Answer 2

Make a big thing, a special dinner, wear something sexy, and get his mind off you iniciating sex, get him in the mood then jump on top of him. He isnt going to be thinking about you iniciating the sex. And little by little he will start feeling more comfortable with the idea of you jumping his bones. And issue like this should never be a reason for break-up. Things can be fixed, some times it just takes time.

Answer 3

When you both are in the right mood,sit down wth him over a dinner and a glass of wine or any other drink to relax and tell him everything, but not with yelling. Just say it in the firm yet polite tone.
What should you say is that you feel very uncomfortable that he should always be the one to initiate sex. Tell him that sometimes you will be the one who feel slike want to have sex first instead of keep waititng for him, and sometimes when he want sex maybe you are not in the mood on it.
You both should understand that sex is nice when two people are in the mood and they both want it-he should understand this.
Tell him too that he makes you really confuse and uncomfortable and that you llove him a lot, so you want to work this out together with him.
All the best, merrey x-mas

Answer 4

most guys would love to have a gf like you. It sounds like your bf has some control issues and maybe an underactive libido (I'm guessing he's in his teens or 20s).
Does he care if you enjoy the interaction? or is it only about him? when he wants to be satisfied and you don't matter - if so, dumb him and move on...

If you think he does care about you and wants to be sure you are satisfied and not just for his macho ego - then keep talking to him about it and get on some more equal footing.
It will take both of you being willing to fix this to get it fixed, if he is not willing to work on it you may have no choice other than to break up or only work on his schedule.

Answer 5

Well he has male ego issues it seems. You cannot start sex but he can OK and Thats a problem why? He doesn't have sex with you often enough? I understand you want to be aggressor from time to time well you can without him knowing it. You don't have to grabbed his penis to start sex! You can show off some cleavage, thigh etc and pretend its unknown. You can wear short shorts and bend over to pick something off floor in front of him. the lists is endless. He will get horny and want sex you actually started it but he wont know!

Answer 6

One thing we cant do is change people. Another thing we can do is continue to live ourlives trying to chage the ones we love. THat would be a waist of time. We have to asses or relationship and consider what is important , and learn to live with one anothers differences. communicate a lot. To try and come to mutual a understanding of how you want to share your life.

Answer 7

talk to him on this, and still can't resolve, go see a psychiatrist together so that both of you know what's the thing went wrong here. the most important thing here is communication, but i don't suggest you to rush things into conclusion so fast. this matter takes times... Cheers

Answer 8

Truthfully I can't figure out if a girl initiated sex...what's the diff?
Is he controlling in other ways?

Answer 9

Remember to wear a condom and be carefull. Or just wait till the right "moment".

Answer 10

He sounds like a control freak - he wants it when he wants it- It does not sound like he will change. Just learn to deal with it.