My mother in law is very negative, how do I prevent this to affect me?

Question

80% of her conversation is highly negative, she is constatnly irritable and angry at the world. We dont live in her town so I usually spend 3 to 4 days in a row with her and my husband. She talks bad about people, talks bad about African Americans in the south and she has even talked bad about latin people in my face (I am mexican). I try to stay calm and just ignore it, but it gets to my nerves sometimes, sometimes it really drains me.
I dont want to just cut ties with her as I know is important for my husband and find it really rude to just never show up in her home.
How do I deal with this?

I want to thank you all for the help :) :) :)

Answer 1

Tell her that the negativeness is damaging to you, and exclude yourself from her presence any time she starts and go somewhere else. She'll get the message eventually or you'll spend a lot of time in her absence.
Personally I am very straight forward with people and don't accept such behavior. She sounds like a low life and/or is mentally very sick.

Answer 2

I have the same problem, only we live with mine. Being it's only for 3 or 4 days, I'd try to change the topic of conversation when we talked, and maybe go out for coffee alone or with your husband to regain some energy after she tries draining you.

I'd confront her on the whole talking bad about latin people too, that's not right, she needs to show some respect.

Answer 3

Girl you need to talk to your husband. Try to do it at a time when you won't be interrupted or stressed out. Keep it calm and try not to lay all the blame on her. She is his mother but you should be the number one woman in his life now. Explain that her racial prejudice is offensive to you and that her negative outlook on life depresses you. It shouldn't be odd if he goes to visit his mother and you chooose not to go every time. As for trying to change the subject when she gets negative good luck. I doubt that will work. If the racial stuff comes up again you could ignore it or tell her that you don't agree with her so it would be best if she not discuss race when you are present. good luck

Answer 4

This must be very difficult for you to have to listen too. I think you should have a very sincere talk with your husband and explain to him how this is affecting you. Seems she really has a problem. To me she is the one who is very rude. I would keep trying to do what you are doing and maybe cut the time you spend with her to only 2 days. Sounds like you are doing what is right. Pray for her only the Lord can help her to love people and stop talking negative.

Answer 5

It's not easy is it?
My suggestion would be to try to interject a positive idea or thought into the conversation when she talks 'down' about someone.
For instance......she says something like "Those black people are always......" whatever. You say, "It must be difficult to be a black person in a primarily white country."
She isn't going to agree with you, but you have a right to your opinion just as she does......and a right to express it.
Anyway, keeping your mind sharp on the more positive comments will help keep you from adopting her negative attitudes.
It's kinda like playing ping-pong......keep your eye on the ball and watch for your chance to sail one right by her! Good luck.

Answer 6

I had the SAME problem with my MIL.. this is what I did...Everytime she'd say something negative, I'd say something positive. Sometimes very silly positive. for instance, she said something about how big her sister's butt was getting, and I said that at least she didn't have to worry about having "noassitall". It took her a while to get so mad she doesn't talk to me about others anymore, but it made me laugh and feel better in the meantime. Do not let her put you down though, you can stand up for yourself, and it may even earn you her respect at least.

Answer 7

You can visit, but you don't have to listen.
She is negative because she doesn't have a life, is somewhat narcissist (it's all about her) so she vents as a way to validate her existence.

If your MIL makes negative comments about people, you can always say, "That hasn't been my experience. Can you tell me why"

However, you are up for a challenge -- is her behavior going to be a deal breaker if you and your husband have children? You don't want your kids to learn from her if that is the case.

Answer 8

I would continually change the subject EVERY TIME she starts in on the negative talk, also, I would ask your husband to tell her that people in general don't want to listen to negativity, it makes her sound old, miserable and complaining, and he KNOWS ( to help ease the conversation) that she really doesn't mean to come across that way.

Answer 9

misrable people love company and they find fault with every other human being because she is not happy with herself no one else is safe from her judgments and misery. the only think i can say to you is this either stay away from her or talk to your husband and see if maybe he can talk to his mother about the slamming of the the other races, try and see if maybe she will talk to you about some of the miseries in her life and then try and find positive points to every thing she says and do that in normal conversation pretty soon she will stop talking to you about these things or you will get to her train of thought and pretty soon she will start thinking more positive and you will notice it in her conversations. im sorry you have to have the job of training your own mother in law but i think pretty soon it will be worth your while , that is if she ever has any conversations with you any more.

Answer 10

Send your husband and stay home. That way they can keep their relationship and you can keep your sanity.

Being around people like that poisons the environment and it is very hard to not let it seep into you.

Don't put yourself in her presence except for short periods with an exit strategy and backup plan.