i go by my middle name, by my family, when they talk to me, refues to call me it...?

Question

how can i get my family to accept my wishes? so when the talk to me they talk to me by name using my middle name?

my name isn't stan that's just my avatar name.

Answer 1

1. You can't expect them to change overnight.
2. New people will use the name you tell them
3. over time if you stick with the new name the family might adapt
4. try not to let it bother you, it might take a few years.
5. they may never be able to change over.
6. insisting and getting mad just makes everyone miserable
lots of experience with this issue. my daughter changed to her middle name, too, as well as me.

Answer 2

Sounds like you're from a family of immigrants and they chose a name from their homeland or your parents are such free thinkers that they graced you with a name you can't let anyone find out about.
If it's a cultural thing the situation is more serious - your refusal to go by your first name can be regarded as negation of your heritage and your family might be hurt by it.
If it's the second type of situation you might have some luck stressing your individuality and freedom of choice.
In any case, try an adult-to-adult conversation and find out why they are so opposed to addressing you with a name of your choice, especially they gave it to you in the first place. They might have some good reasons worth considering.
Worse come to worst, go by your name of choice with your friends and let family address you by your first name if they absolutely must. They are your family after all.

Answer 3

I am living testimony that even legally changing your name is no guarantee that your family will abide by your wishes. You can change it legally all you want, and some will still call you whatever you want to call you. I figure some of my family members are just too old and/or set in their ways to change.

Note that in my advice, I use two names I pulled out of the air. I have no idea who you are or what the two names in question are.

Anyway, I suggest a direct approach. "I don't like being called Waldemar. When you don't call me John, it hurts my feelings." Another option is the broken record technique. Every time someone says "Waldemar," you respond, "I answer to John." *Every.* *Single.* *Time.* They'll get sick of hearing you harp on it. Not answering those who insist on calling you Waldemar against your wishes is a good idea too, but I'd suggest telling them in advance that you no longer go by Waldemar and won't answer to it.

It will take time. Today I have a few members of my family who insist on calling me by my old name, but the majority have come around to calling me by the new one.

Answer 4

My sister decided at the age of 11 to use her middle name. She is now 25, and about half the family uses her middle name.

Do not make a big issue about this, because many people will call you by your original name just to spite you. It's difficult to rethink what you call someone, and do not expect it overnight.

Introduce yourself with the middle name, and if your family tries to introduce you with the wrong name, gently correct them by saying "actually, I go by "x" " and say no more about it.

I started calling my sis by her second name only about 2 years ago, and just because we started working together and our co-workers did not know who I was talking about.

Answer 5

I had a similiar problem in school. I use my middle name & I had a teacher once tell me that he was using my first name since all my papers had it listed. I told him that if he called me that name, I would assume he was speaking to someone else & act accordingly.
BUT, if you have older relatives, cut them some slack. My hubby's grandmother had such a hard time remembering everyone's names that most kids had a nickname. She could remember the nicknames pretty well. She called my son "Jack"-a name I really don't care for but she was elderly and her mind was bad.

Answer 6

They won't do it just by you asking them? Really this should be all it takes.

Maybe if you refuse to answer to your first name. "What? Who? Me? Oh, I didn't realize you were talking to me."

Maybe tell them that you've legally changed your name. The STATE will call you whatever you want, even if your FAMILY won't.

Really, only God knows your true name. The names that we all go by are just the noise that our parents made when they were around us. Eventually we took this to mean that the noise was a placeholder for us in speech.

Answer 7

You probably won't. I used to work with a woman who legally changed her very pretty name to the name of a country in Africa, and her family still called her by her birth name. But don't sweat it. They still love you.

Answer 8

I go through the same thing. Keep trying if you want, I finally gave up after 20years of trying. It's not painful for me so I just let it roll off. If my family things you don't like something they run it in the ground. I'm ok with just being recognized.

Answer 9

Best way is to get bitchy...they may be your relatives, honor thy whoever...but are they honoring YOU? Don't sound like it. Sometimes people, especially old people, have a hard time breaking old habits.

BTW, Stan...get a new toupee before Sophia sneaks it away from you and flushes it down the toilet again.

Answer 10

well i dont think you can get your family to do that. my family wont call me by my nickname and its only 2 letters away from my real name. its alot harder to get your family to call you by a different name than it is to get your friends to.