Dumped before Xmas?

Question

I was just dumped today, 4 days before Xmas. My boyfriend is 20 years older than I am and we live together. We had our share of problems but this is a pretty low blow. I have no one here during Xmas so I will be spending it solo. My mother is going back home to California where we are originally from. We have only been in Texas for a year and my boyfriend has lived here for over 25 years now. We work at the same place but not in the same department. Not working in the same department does lesson the effect a bit.

I know in the past we have had our share of issues. It all came to a head during my mother’s Bday party last night. My boyfriend has been getting pretty emotionally abusive lately since I got sick a few months ago with an ovarian cyst. My sex drive had been through the roof in the past but lately (I’m in my mid thirties) things have been off kilter since my cyst. Well my boyfriend has a wondering eye at times and was eyeing my mother’s best friend and my best friend during the party, and I called him on it. He instantly got emotionally abusive, cussing and ranting about how F**!* up I was for saying that. Well we discussed it a short while when we left the party and I apologized and he said we could put it past us.

Well to make a long story short this morning I called to check up on my man and he never said I love you and we always say that. He also stated that he didn’t’ want me coming back. I told him “But I’ll be alone for Xmas”. He said, “I’m sorry but….”.

I have a butt load of things to pick up from his place. He never even asked where I would go. It’s 4 days before Xmas too. His friends tell me that he’s too set in his ways and I deserve better. They also said he hasn’t totally gotten over his previous relationships.

We were supposed to exchange gifts this Sunday but my friends and family say to not give it to him and to get my money back for the presents.

I have to go over there after work and he told me after I called back that he will have my things ready to go when I get over there after work. I told him that this was really low but he kept saying, “I’m sorry but I like being alone right now”

I feel since I’ve been with him I’ve had to make up for past relationships, trying to make this one go smooth. He’s selfish. He can’t deal with anything like “disagreements, change, etc.”

Here’s my question, should I give him his gift and how should I act when I go over there. I’ve cried a river since I’ve been at work and he dumped me at 8:30 a.m, this morning.?

Answer 1

heres how i think. if he was 20 yrs older then he wanted you for good sex. now he's had that, enjoyed it and wants a different model. stay well clear of that guy or ur gonna regret it i think

Answer 2

It's really hard to think what I can say that will make you feel better about yourself. I can only be as honest as I can and tell you that you are probably better off without this guy. If this is the way he treats someone he professed to love, then I shudder to think what he would do to someone he hated.

I think you should forget all about him, my dear. Just count your lucky stars that you have got out before he started using his fists on you because he sounds to me like a nasty piece of work. If you have the courage to go over there and get your stuff, good on you, girl, but don't be too proud to get a trusted friend to go over for you. Take the Christmas pressie you bought for him back to the shop for a refund – don't give it to him: he's done nothing to deserve it! – and use the money to buy yourself something nice and go home to California and be with your family. They're the ones that love you the most and can help you get back on an even keel again. Good luck!

Answer 3

Awww babe, I'm so sorry!!
Listen i think you have had a lucky break to get away from this guy, he sounds like a total idiot. One that does not deserve a girl like you!!
Anyway i think your family are right, get your money back on the gift and spend it on something nice for yourself. He did not consider your feelings when he dumped you so why should you consider his feelings and give him a gift, it would be like you are saying that its OK that he has treated you this way. Don't do it babe!!
I also think that when you go over there act aloof, i know it will be hard because you are hurting but you cant show him he has beaten you with this blow. Put on a brave face when with him and then when you are alone cry your eyes out and get him out of your system. Time really is a good healer, and trust me you will heal!!
Good luck babe xxx

Answer 4

Break ups are always hard, but he sounds like he only cares about himself. I would bring the gift and keep it in the car. When you go to his house see what really happens. If he's just going to be done with you then hell no don't give him that gift! Take it back and buy yourself something nice. I know youre hurt b/c its before christmas but i'd rather spend it alone than with someone that doesn't appreciate you.

Answer 5

Your stupid!!! No I would not give him his gift!! After he put you out like that, with no where to go! Obviously you didn't need him anyway. If he really & truly loved you he not leave you in this way. 4 days before christmas?? That was a low blow. You would be stupid to try to run to his place & give him a gift, and then to ask "how should you act"???? What is wrong with you? Go on with your life and find a God fearing man..That knows how to treat a women!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

give him the gift if you have already brought it and walk away with some dignity you don't want to make it look as if you hold a grudge and how guilty will he feel for accepting ur gift! but if you couldn't really afford the gift in the first place get your money! when you go pick your stuff up out your lippy on and keep smiling cry buckets when you get home but don't let him see you cry x

Answer 7

You should be doing the "good riddance to bad trash" joy-dance to be rid of this loser.

Take the gift you were going to give him and shove it on a shelf somewhere until you feel able to get your money back on it.

Spend Christmas taking care of yourself-- do something you enjoy, spend time with people you like or at least talking to people on the phone. If you can manage it, do something to stay busy so you don't mope around. Tackle a junk drawer or closet or something like that.

This boyfriend of yours sounds like a real piece of work. You're well rid of him, IMO.

Answer 8

well from what u have said...................dump him. u said he is selfish etc. change the pressie get ur money go to ur family for xmas. then after xmas see what happens. but in my opinion forget him and try and move on. i had a similar relationship. finished thought i would never find a woman again. 2 years on i am so happy with my gf and its so good. i know its hard but chin up. Best of luck

and most of all happy christmas. hope you have a good one

Answer 9

Don't give him a damn thing! I really feel sorry for you, I've got dumped on my birthday last month, so I kinda know how you feel. It sucks. You might want to have a friend go over to pick up your stuff from his house for you, to save yourself the emotional anguish. Sorry. Merry Christmas from Houston, Tx.

Answer 10

You need to find the courage and determination in yourself to be able to act independantly again.

To give him a present after the way he's treated you (just before Christmas and not caring where you go) - its over. Its sad... but he's just been too cruel to you.

He doesn't deserve you.

Answer 11

Go over and deliver his gift. Wait for his reaction before you further commit yourself. He may welcome you with open arms and realise he has made a mistake. Otherwise you are going to have to come to terms with your situation. You appear to be someone who is unselfish and caring, and maybe you should start looking for someone who will appreciate you. Good Luck& Merry Xmas from Ireland.