Would you let your child stay overnight with a family member that thinks...?

Question

that you are raising your kids all wrong and that you will one day regret your decisions? (They are die hard religious)

Is it normal to not want to minimize your childrens exposure to these people that are shocked by who you turned out to be and hope your children turn out better?

Answer 1

no. I would want my children to be supervised with these people or have only a couple of hours at a time alone... I wouldn't want my children with people who think I am doing wrong by them... even if they don't really say anything... it will rub off on the kids.. the looks.. the innocent comments.. My family is like this.. and we moved. Supervised visits only, sometimes a day together, a short one. They are hurt, they want her for summers, weekends.. and no! I am a single mom and the break would be nice. My friends want me to drop her off at my mom 's and hang out with them... I just say 'i am not comfortable given the dynamics there. I have a bad feeling about it'. The end. Everyone know that I follow my heart

Answer 2

I think it is totally normal to want to minimize the contact "those people" have on your children. My daughter came back from an overnight with my grandmother, and informed me that the devil makes me swear. Also, I am going to hell because I do not go to church on Sunday. My daughter will not spend another night there, because I remember how brainwashing that garbage is to a child. We still go and see grandma, but only as a family. You are the parent, and how you mold your children is up to you. Sometimes people we love just do not understand us, or our lives. Personally I think that people who have extended contact with my children should at least like me. They do not have to believe the same way that I do about everything, but it is important that they not undermine my parenting.

Answer 3

I think I would not expose the kids, if you have chosen a way of life, you kids are used to it and overly religious people have no respect whatsoever with people they see as lost.
I promised you they will try to indoctrinate them and as they really truly believe you are lost, they may even try to convince your children to get you back on the right track.
That will perturb the kids much more then you can imagine.
I know, it sounds exaggerate except that it has happened to my nieces...
The mother in law of my sister was such a woman...
Myself I am a believer but I have found my own way and would be seen as a heretic by this kind of people especially as I always insist on free will...
People are free to be spiritual or not....

Answer 4

Absolutely right to minimize the children's contact with these people. Philosophical/religious differences aside (I don't care who is "right" or "wrong") they will surely talk badly about you to your children and tell them that who you are and what you are doing is wrong. This can badly undermine your relationship with your kids and make them insecure about your ability to look out for them and properly guide them.
Their trust and confidence in you is of primary importance. And you must make sure that you are worthy of this trust.
This other family member had their chance with you--- and you clearly chose not to follow their ways. So why would you want to let them try to influence your kids?

Answer 5

No.

It is totally normal. I am in this same situation. I will not let my children stay the night with particular extended family members because of this reason exactly.

Limited exposure is fine, as long as it is supervised.

Go with your gut.

Answer 6

Absolutely not. It is very stressful to deal with someone bashing you and your parenting. You don't want them feeding the same kind of information to your children. I think it's normal to not want your children to be around people that dislike your parenting skills. As long as the kids are healthy, happy, safe, and getting everything they need, you're doing fine.

Answer 7

Yes, but....they should not be trash-talking you or your beliefs, harshly punishing your child if you don't believe in it, for example, doing corporal punishment if you believe in timeouts, or any kind of behaviors that you would not be able to live with. They have to show you some respect, and those kind of behaviors seem like they are disrespecting you. If they want to keep your child overnight they would have to agree to be somewhat respectful about your values and beliefs, or I would not agree to it.

You might want to have a conversation ahead of time about some things that you know might cause conflict like discipline or bedtime (my inlaws put their children to bed at 7 while we do at 8:30 or 9 for example) and issues like that).

Answer 8

I think it depends on who the "family member" is...like if it's Grandma and Grandpa, I wouldn't want to deprive my child of having a relationship with them. We need to treat our children as individuals who will eventually make their own decisions about things...

i.e.... perhaps these people are your parents and you rejected the religion of your up-bringing...you made that decision on your own...shouldn't your child have the same luxury?

Answer 9

First of all, there isn't anything wrong with being "die hard religious". Let people believe the way they want to.

As for your question, it depends on how bad it is. Depends on how far they take it with telling you that you are raising your kids wrong.

Answer 10

i wouldn't just because if they already think you are doing wrong by your children then why give them the satisfaction of letting them enjoy those same kids. we all want the best for our kids and to do better than we have and if they think the worst of you how will they treat your children. good luck and happy holidays=)