My daughter is 1 1/2 and just met her father, should I be upset that it took him this long to finally see her?

Question

I don't really know how to handle the situation because he's been letting his girlfriend influence him into thinking she wasn't his, and how do I know a similar situation involving her won't happen again. Should I just be happy that he wants to be in her life now and just take it day by day or is it that I just need to take it cautious now that the new "daddy of the year" (a little bit of sarcasm for those who couldn't catch on) is back in the picture.

Answer 1

My son's father just made contact with my 12 year old son. He left me when I was preg. with him and saw him a few times when he first born and then refused to see him again. I moved out of the state but not without first asking my son's father if he wanted to have a relationship with his son, he declined! I continued to keep in touch with my sons fathers mother throughout the years sending her letters and photos of my son. Just a few month ago my son's father decides that he is now ready to step up to the plate. ( he now has 7 kids, my son being his first). Because my son is older than your daughter I pretty much left the discion up to my son as to whether he wanted to talk to his father or not.
How do I deal with?? From when he first left me I figured one day he would come to his senses (I didn't think It would take this long) and there was no way I was going to let my son not know who his father was. I was not going to be the one to tell my son why his father did not want to be in his life I was leaving that chore to his father, I never bad mouthed his father nor did I volunteer any information about him either. My son knew who his father was I even showed my son pictures of him. But I didn't want to jepordizy my relationship with my son and keep him away from his father either.
Yes, my son's father did have the new girlfriend inluence him also, but you know what that girlfriend is no longer in the picture and know matter what that girlfriend or anyone of the others said about either myself or my son I knew what the truth was and down the road my son's father would also. Now I take pleasure in watching him squirm as he tries to build a relationship with his now 12 year old son.
My son talks to him when he calls and is civil to him but other than that he could take him or leave him.
My advice to you is first, let what his now new girlfriend say and do what she wants without letting it bothering you, you know the truth that's all that counts. There will probally be alot more girlfriends coming in and out of his life learn to deal with it. Second, never bad mouth your daughter father he will screw up on his own and as your daughther gets older she will see that. Third, I wouldn't push your daughter onto him if he wants to be in her life find if not so what. He will loose out in the long run He is the one who is going to miss the first smile, the first step, the first words, the first day at school etc. and no matter how hard he trys he will never forget what he did to both you and your daughter. My ex apolizes almost evertime I talk to him and he tells me how he regreats no being in his son's life from day one. Your ex has to live with his actions not you.
Enjoy your daughter and if your ex wants to be in your daughter's life that's great but if he doesn't he will be the one missing out.

Answer 2

Before you can decide what to do, you'll need a few answers about his motives. Why has he decided to be involved now? He has allowed his girlfriend to come between him and your daughter. Is he interested in being a daddy or just in playing with the baby for a while? I'd be very cautious at least for the first few months until I was sure he was serious.

Answer 3

I'd say that she needs her daddy in her life. Yes, he made a mistake by not being there for her, but maybe he's making the effort now. I'd let him back in, but you need to sit him down and explain to him that he can't just be a daddy when HE feels like. He helped make this child and she needs him in her life even if he doesn't want to be there. He can't just run in and out of her life because some other woman tells him to. The only female who's opinion of him matters any more is the little 1 1/2-year-old one's.

I really hope he's willing to be a man about this. Good luck!

Answer 4

if you think his interest in being "fatherly", even if it's a little late, is genuine...i have no qualms with him being involved. in fact, i think it's a good thing. better late than never. if he's truly going to be there forever (time will tell) your daughter is young enough too that she won't remember the time he wasn't there for her. and it's your job to protect her from that, if this does work out. i mean, you'll need to let go of your resentment and be careful about what you pass on to her regarding that.
as far as the girlfriend goes...i think i'd have an issue with her stupid *ss. but, once again, don't influence your daughter that way. she needs to feel safe about everything. i would be clear about the time your daughter is spending with her father, though. if you don't want the girlfriend around your child, that's perfectly acceptable and your ex will need to accept that, as well. and he will, if he wants to see his daughter.
you have to take it day by day, that's all you can do. good luck and god bless.

Answer 5

If he's a nice guy to your child, just let him see HER alone, (no girlfriend...the chick sounds like bad news!). If you have custody, YOU get to say what happens.

However, given his record, I would have a SERIOUS talk with this chump, and let him know (if you decide he can see your daughter), that if he screws up or lets the girlfriend in on it, HE'S GONE! You don't want your little girl getting her hopes up (though she's kind of young...but still)...only to be abandoned again!

Also, keep a close eye on them, since the girlfriend's talk about him not being the real father may mean he intends to do something drastic (like kidnapping?). It happens ALL the time! You might want to notify the police and your lawyer, just in case.

Answer 6

Let him be father. Don't give him excuses now that he wants
( and needs) to be close your daughter. Both of you will learn a lot of this new chance or better say: new beginning.
It's always better keep our mind on the present, instead on keep thinking bad moments of the past.
Keep your eyes open, be cautious, and be happy too.

Answer 7

You have every right to be upset but for her sake you have to be happy that she has an oppurtunity to get to know her dad. Just be supportive but monitor the situation closely so that you can decide whether or not this is a good setting for your daughter to be in. I by no means believe that someone should use their child against the other parent but as her mother you have to watch out for her safety.

Answer 8

yes you can be upset, but still allow him the oppurtunity to try. don't seem kliek the bad guy your daughter will end up blaming you for pushing hiom out of her life. just let himplay dad when he wants and don't sweat it whne he doesn't come around. she grow up and learna bout him on her own. my daugters dad didn't claim her after it took 1 and half years to concieve then decided he wanted her then never took care of her... disappeared for 8 months then wanted to play daddy. he never kept her himself until recently. she is 3 years old and he just now id starting to be involved. guys are like that but we are strong. Get upset when you want to, just let him pretend if it makes him feel better

Answer 9

I say be careful with him. "One's a cheater always a cheater" that is not ALWAYS true but most of the time. I had the same situation with my father; he left my mom and me when I was five, and now he wants to start acting like a daddy. I apprieciate that but I am always careful with him and I don't let him get too close to me...Be careful, that's all I have to say.

Answer 10

I definately would not be upset. Be glad that he wants to be a part of her life. Take it cautious though.