family trouble?

Question

i had a 1 nite stand b-4 i got married and resulted in 1 child. my wife decided 2 stay and try 2 wk it out (strong woman) we have worked thru it & have come out even stronger. we live in a dif. town and see her on wk-ends. everyting is great even trying to get more time. my bros, sists, parents live in same town as dhtr. wife doesnt like other woman but is friendly for the dhtr
PROB: my wf talked with my fam the 1st yr. we found out they were going to bday party (other woman) was having for dhtr. she told them she felt it was disrespectfull 2 her if they went. my wf said we are havg party for her at our house the nxt wk. well, fam mbrs. still went 2 the party. saying its not for the mother but for the girl. fastforward a few years- fam is still going to parties, knowing it hurts my wife, but say they dont thk its wrong. my wf has had enuf and wants notng to do with my fam. i told her cant no hw she feels, but suport hr 100%
SUGG, ADVICE,CMNTS??

she is not asking for them not to see her, they see her plenty, babysit, visit, she is asking that they not treat her like fam. just treat her as the mother of their g-daughter.they didnt even show up to the party we had for her 1st yr. is it really wrong for her to feel that way? i cant possably begin to put myself in her situation and understnat how she feels. but it hurts that they know it puts press. on our marriage,but they still go. we now have a dhtr of our own and parents have put in min. effort to come and visit her.

its not that she wants to leave them out of our lives. but she feels she cant go to visit if they cant respect that she iis the one who has been hurt the most and still has trouble with the situation. she wants them to come visit our doughter and be as involved with her as they are with herstep doughter.

Answer 1

Your family is probably not trying to hurt your wife, but if your daughter's mother invites them to a birthday party for your daughter, I don't see why they can't go. After all, the party is for your daughter, not for her mother. If you and your wife are having a birthday party for your daughter, they should attend both if at all possible, but it sounds like they are uncomfortable with the boundaries your wife thinks she needs to set on your daughter. When I married my husband, he already had three children from a previous marriage. We do have separate holidays with the children, but when it comes to birthdays, we set the boundaries between each other, not the families, if my hubby's family attended the ex's and not mine, I wouldn't be offended, just glad that they were there for my step children. It might be a good idea for you and your wife to sit down with your family though, since you now have a child together, and make sure that everyone feels included and maybe together work on the boundaries. If you do cut your family off, your child with your wife might end up being the one hurt, so be careful with your words and choices.

Answer 2

Regardless if your wife likes that other woman or not, your family has the right to go to their grandduaghter's birthday party whether your wife likes it or not.
How do you think that your daughter would feel if everyone stopped coming to her b-day parties just cuz your wife didn't like it? I bet she would feel pretty bad and your relationship with your child will suffer. Your wife needs to get over herself and stop trying to punish your daughter. It's very selfish of her to think this way.

Answer 3

I think your wife is a very strong women worked through what you did and having to be reminded of it everyday. It isn't disrespectful for your parents to see there own grandchild but it must be hard for your wife if your parents seem to prefer the other woman to her. And it would annoy me if they made no effort to see the child you and your wife have together. It must be hard but try to not let this effect your marriage.

Answer 4

Tell your wife, that this is not ABOUT HER!!!!!!!!!!! How dare she try to dictate to the grandparents that they do not go to grand childs b'day!! Shame on you for not standing behind your parents!! Your wife is pretty immuture and VERY SELFISH!!!!!!!!!!!!