How do I forgive my mother who abandoned me for her new husband when I was 14?

Question

I'm now 27 and have not spoken to her much since I moved out of the house. I really want to forgive but I'm not sure how.

Answer 1

The hardest part you've alreday done. The fact that you even want to forgive her is a blessing and you should be very proud of yourself. Forgiving someone (even your parent) allows you to move on with your life and not stay stuck in the past... which if you don't can eat you up inside and practically cause you to re-live and revisit the past an harbor ill feelings toward the person... or persons involved.

Start slowly... have a set date and time to meet with your mother (alone).. maybe go out to dinner. Start with something positive about her and then about yourself... then "let her know that you are thankful you don't harbor ill will toward her and that even though leaving you at 14 was very painful... you are now an adult with your own life and you make your own choices. Also, let her know you now choose forgive her and move on from here"

Live your life, continue to be a forgiving person.. because one day.. you may want someone to forgive you for something you did that may not have been to cool

Answer 2

I was abandoned for a new guy when I was 10. And since then, I hated her everyday of my life. I was raised by an uncle and aunt who became like my real parents. I still have contact with mom bec shes my aunt's sister but I just can't get to hug or appreciate her since there was this guy still and everybody knows is only after her money. But eventually, if you become successful or you have your own family whom you are satisfied, your hatred to her will be a thing that's still there but lessened. You will not care too much especially if you will see that she's caring for your children or has any concern about them at all. But for total forgiveness, you really have to talk with her and it will help if even once you will hear sorry to you for what she had done. But don't think about it too much for now because it will affect the way you deal with other people.

Answer 3

You can never forgive I am 26 and my mom pretty much abandoned me since i was 8 months but then she she tried to get me back when i was 13 but still refused to play the mother role. My grandmother has always told me that you have to love her cause she is your mother but you don't have to like her. You never fully forget the whole ordeal but you can try to put it in the past. I have tried building a relationship with her, however it is impossible to get to know someone who should of known you your whole life. Just be you around her and don't try to like her just let it happens and if it happens than so be it but you can't force the feeling. Hopefully this helps.

Answer 4

One step at a time. I have personal experience with this sort of thing. Here is what I know, unforgiveness hurts not only you but everyone around you because you can not be the excellent person that you are when you won't forgive. You don't have to see her every day you don't have to be girlfriends, but find it in your heart to forgive and forget because it will help you and those around you that you love. If you forgive, you will be free. Set yourself free and then you can move on with your life.

Answer 5

You surrender the unforgiveness unot God and ask him how do you get over the situation. Ask him to teach to forgive. Most of all know that she walked away. You may never understand the why, but ask for a blessing for her anyway. My mom left me and my sister when we were a lot younger than you. She died at the age of 36. I wish she was still here, because I realize that had she not left there by the Grace of God I could have travelled down some dangerous roads.

Answer 6

that is a delicate problem for me because my husband, his sister and a pair of brothers had this take position to them. The abuse you had suffered led to you to experience you've been not some thing. This guy tore you to products and also you ultimately have those products mended to be torn aside once you locate out how poorly she replaced into dealt with. i will understand being beat (I had an extremely abusive mom) and having hate in course of that man or woman. i'm curious if any sexual abuse is suspected. The hatred she presented and her movements seem to coach a extra unforgivable anger. She feels thoroughly unloved and undesirable. Lord basically knows what her father instructed her at the same time as he replaced into verbally abusing her. i'm confident he has instructed her you didnt choose them. alongside with many different colourful issues. digital mail or some thing with the help of digital mail is so unpersonal. Any 8 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous toddler ought to deliver an digital mail. try a glance for engine for human beings. (If I remember the call superb perfect Pipi seek for...?) that would favor to fee no more beneficial than 2 money for a a million time one man or woman seek for. i'd say to jot down a handwritten letter. I dont care if this letter finally ends up being as thick because the Bible. Dont call her melodramatic. do not tell her that she did this, she is that, or attempt to make your self out to be some kind of saint. in case you used drugs at the same time as your little ones were lengthy gone or slept round tell her. tell her each little thing. Your existence at the same time with her father (the coolest, undesirable and gruesome). 2 years with out all of us. Your existence now. settle for responsbility.Your daughter felt abandoned with the help of her mom, feared her father and replaced into on my own and afraid for years waiting for her mom to rescue her. bypass keep your little female.

Answer 7

this sounds exactly what my ex went thru with his mom and he's now 28. because of his resentment he made alot of bad decisions in life and only hurt himself. obviously ur still hurting from this but in order to free urself from the pain u have to forgive ur mom. to err is human, but to forgive is divine. everyone is human and everyone makes mistakes. i cant say how u can forgive her but one way is by just sitting her down and telling her exactly how u feel. maybe it will do some good and maybe it wont but i can guarantee u it'll be a weight lifted off ur shoulders.

Answer 8

Free your the soul . Otherwise, you will be defined by this your entire life. You will miss the love she is willing to give.

Forgiveness is not the problem. Feeling worthy is.

You re worthy. Go for it. Get it right this time.

God Bless

Answer 9

I know it is so difficult...I am 47 and just recently have decided to "let things go". But it hasn't been easy. I felt my mom deserted me when I was under 4...remarried to a man with 5 kids...kind of made them her mission and lost her own 3 kids in the process...my mom also keeps herself very busy in realestate (since I was 12)....and likes to be "involved" in all her charity organizations....It is as though she wears busyness as a badge of honor....For years I just kept waiting and waiting for us to have a mom daughter relationship like all the wonderful ones I seen in the world...She is over 70 now...and still not slowing down...I realized she is who she is, and I just needed to accept her where she is...and throw out my idea of the perfect mom...save yourself a lot of heart ache and do likewise...love her for the things you can and forget the rest...It is just a difficult thing to realize that our parents is merely human with their own short comings...As adults I believe it is difficult for us to separate our parents from the way we viewed them as being perfect as kids...we never knew there was a choice to see them differently (in all their imperfections, because come on!...they were our mom and dads!)...But it is okay... your mom is not perfect....just be okay with that and let it go....I am sure she loves you, even though on an emotional level she failed you....just let it be enough and move on....I know what you are feeling....really.

Answer 10

There is no easy fix solution here hun.... It will take time to forgive her for what she has done..... Just spend time with her and listen to what she has to say and then have her listen to you and hopefully she can answer some questions you may have......

Time heals all pain so just wait it out and you will come around to her,.... Good Luck Hun.....