Why do people think you're selfish if you decide not to have kids?

Question

Don't you think that choosing not to have kids is simply being responsible, especially if you cannot afford it? I am annoyed by people who think that you HAVE to have children or else you're selfish. Doesn't it seem like only financially well-off people can afford to have children?

Answer 1

Having children isn't for everyone. Yes it is a lot of work and can get expensive... but you do what you can to make it work if you want children. My husband and I don't have all the money in the world, but we make it work, and make sure we provide everything needed for our son. Having lot's and lot's of family (not around though), helps out... at birthday and Christmas time. They all ask us if there is anything we need- and unfortunately, our son has everything he really needs for now- and way too many toys lol, so we asked for gift cards because by spring, he'll need more clothes, and we always need diapers. Anyways, I think even people financially well-off -some are tight on their money, so they even feel they shouldn't have a kid. My husband and I were nervous financially at first, but you know what, everything works out for a reason. I was on the birth control pill when I found out I was pregnant... and I'd definitely never have an abortion, so that was out, and giving my baby up - to me sounds terrible, I just couldn't do it. I love kids, and always wanted some of my own someday... so I'm very proud of myself and happy with my decision to keep my son. He means the world to me. I stay at home with him during the week and work weekends when my husband works all the time. This works because taking our son to daycare and me going to work- all that money would go to daycare, so it's pointless when I can stay home and watch him. We haven't done so bad, have nice things- we just cut back on things for ourselves, so we can give our son what he needs. Sacrifices!

Answer 2

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I am 22 years old and love children but DO NOT want any in the forseable future. I want to make sure I'm educated and financially stable to take care of them and myself without worry.
Furthermore, I think you are the oposite of selfish. Selfish is bringing a life into a world where there are already homeless, abused, and neglected children in need of love and attention.
I plan to have maybe 1 child naturally, and the rest I'll adopt. None of this will happen till I'm atleast 35 or 40.
It kills me how people want to make baby after baby and there are so many here already that need homes.

Answer 3

My husband and I used to get that a lot, along with "you don't understand, because you don't have kids!"

People can just be ignorant sometimes. My hubby finally told someone one day, "No, I'm not being selfish. Being selfish is HAVING kids, then not taking care of them, or running off to the bars and leaving them at home alone like MY mother did!" Shut that person up fast, and he never got bothered by it again. Ha!

As far as not understanding, well, we have a child now and we STILL don't understand their ignorance, so I guess having a kid isn't as enlightening as they thought!

Answer 4

In my opinion, selfish is having kids that you cannot afford to feed, or that you do have to keep your partner, or that you have b/c they were an accident. It is also selfish to have kids because you hope that they'll take care of you when you get old, because you expect them to become famous athletes, or because you think your genes are so awesome that you'll contribute to overpopulation.
Not having children because you do not want them for any reason is not selfish.

Answer 5

If you Don't want kids don't have kids The heck with what others think. It is your body and your life it's your choice if you want to have kids or not, don't let people walk all over you. I have a daughter and I had her early for many reason's. 1 I was told That the doc may have to remove My lady parts before I am twenty so If I wanted kids to start now, and simply because I wanted A baby. But babies cost money and I didn't know that untill now, But I would change a thing. You go girl you do what makes you happy

Answer 6

Yes, it is sensible.

I suspect the bitterness some people express over some people choosing not to have children has to do with all the sacrifices involved in having them. There does seem to be a bit of 'Dammit, I can't afford to eat out anymore, so...so, uh, neither should you be able to.'

See

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Childfree#The_.22Selfishness.22_Issue

"...not having children means living a hedonistic, consumption-based lifestyle that makes no contribution to the world, only to the self."

Not that I agree with that, but there you go.

Answer 7

I have suffered that all of my life, too. I never did understand why taking responsibility made me selfish. While I know some people are happy with the choice of having a family; some people are not. I sometimes think it is because they feel they made a mistake, and want everyone else to make one too.

Answer 8

I think it takes alot of time and talking with your spouse to make that decision. Friends of mine have made that choice and it is respected. They know that they like to spend money on toys for themselves and others, they like knowing that they can help people without hurting themselves financially. the choice they have made is not to have children of their own but instead to be god parents to my two small children, they love them and share the same parenting styles. So no it is not selfish, its being responsible.

Answer 9

I don't think all childless couples are considered selfish. It really depends on the reason: if you can't afford it, if you strongly dislike children, etc. This are valid, unselfish reasons. They're just practical and/or honest. I never assume that a woman or couple is selfish just because she's childless.

There are some reasons for not having kids that do sound selfish, though. If someone says, for example, "I'm not having kids because I don't want to ruin my body" or "I never want kids because I want to BE the baby, not HAVE a baby"...what else are people supposed to think?

Answer 10

everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
not all people think that way...
that is because
however i feel that having a child is rather a noble thing to do.
to sacrifice all that they have for their child
but then again, if u cant provide for the child,
it is better not to have one.

oh no it is not true that only financially will off people can afford to have children, if that is the case, the world would be under populated.
it depends on the parents,
how much they are willing to give up to have children.
oh well that's what i feel.