She sleeps with the trashiest guys, thought she was gay for about a week. She has no direction at all and is lazy in a big way. She lies about even small things. No matter what I try she continues to be drifting through life with no set goals. She doesn't live w/us but w/her single Dad, who, by the way doen't know that she flunked out yet. I feel like I am sitting on a keg of dynamite. What can I do to help her get on track? Any suggestions would be appreciated.
2006-12-22 04:00:41 · 13 answers · asked by Pam C 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Sadly, this is something she will need to discover FOR HERSELF. No one can "make" her grow up. I guess I would suggest that you and her father start setting limits. Stop paying for things like vehicles and cell phones. Stop buying her things she needs, or charge her rent. She will probably flip out when all of this comes down. But by setting these limits she will no longer be "enabled" to act like this.
Good Luck!
2006-12-22 04:07:19 · answer #1 · answered by starrzfan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". Let her make her own mistakes, she is an adult. If you need to say something, just tell her how you feel without making her guilty, spend time with her and that you are supportive. She may even open up to you and let you in.
As far as the father not knowing that she flunked out of school, do not say anything to the father. It will cause more problems down the line. Your granddaugther may start to hate you for that and the father maybe angry at you for saying something like that. I would let her know that you know about flunking and that she should tell her father before she hears it from someone else.
Most people need time to find thier own direction, forcing it on them will not help - it may pull them away more.
2006-12-22 04:16:10 · answer #2 · answered by afox1998 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can talk to her, try to spend time with her. Tell her dad about school. Other than that there really isn't much you can do. My cousin is the same way. She came from a great family but all she wanted to do from the age of 14 was to run around the worst part of town with even worse people, do drugs and have sex. Now, she's 18 and lives in a shelter in Cleveland. She thinks she has the best life in the world and no one can change her mind. Anyway, my point is that sometimes you just have to let them do what they want even if you know it is bad for them. Otherwise, they'll just end up hating you. I'd rather be a part of my cousin's screwed up life so i can continue to try to help instead of having her hate me and do the same things anyway.
2006-12-22 04:15:04 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. Burnzo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her be! she is an adult (even if she isn't acting like it) Let the keg of dynamite blow up on her. Eh when i was 20 yrs old i was very wild. i live rent free, no job , barely going to school , getting home after sunrise (nothing beats a drunken sunrise over Lk Superior) sleeping until 5pm , drinking & partying. but i grew up (now a stay home mom that doesn't drink or party) and you granddaughter will too. she is experimenting with life. Nothing you really can do about it. you could try talking to her but i have a feeling all she will do is put up a wall an not listen.
2006-12-22 04:14:49 · answer #4 · answered by ♠ JƏSSƏ'S GiRL ♠ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since sheis 20, then there isn't a lot you can do besides talk to her dad, and hope he steps up as parent. But she is also at an age that she is wanting to try thigs for herself. This can be a very dangerous phase, but it can be a great learning experience. She may pull away even more, the more you try to convince her to change her ways, the more resistence you will encounter. Try to stay supportive, but not overbearing. She needs to know for herself what life is about, and not learn through other peoples mistake. As hard as this is to set back and watch, you can be there when she needs you. She is looking for something that you can't give her. But you can give her support and reassurance.
Good luck
2006-12-22 04:24:10 · answer #5 · answered by Jenni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is refreshing to hear that a grandparent is genuinely concerned about their grandchild. You should sit down with her father and discuss what has happened and how you BOTH can help her. You both need to be on the same page so she won't be able to play you both against each other. You should try and sit her down with you both and calmly ask her what is going on. But please reassure her that you both love her very much and are not passing judgement on her, but that you are very concerned and want to help her anyway you can. She must feel safe, secure and loved when you have this conversation. If she doesn't then she won't open up to you. Just make it known to her that you genuinely want to help her get her life back on track.
Good Luck and Merry Christmas!
2006-12-22 04:14:01 · answer #6 · answered by Bren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't enable her. What I mean by that is make sure you are there for her. Love her, help her if she asks for it, that kind of thing. Don't enable her tho. Don't give her money, tell her to get a job. That kind of thing. She is going to have to make her own mistakes and I know it must be hard to sit back and watch. I wish you both the best.
2006-12-22 04:34:10 · answer #7 · answered by 2boysmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send her for some counselling, which will help her get her life back on track in a positive way.
2006-12-22 04:04:18 · answer #8 · answered by funbobbi22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough love... she needs to pay her dad rent and pay for food and bills and insurance, etc. She won't learn any thing or grow up unless she is forced to take responsibility for her own life.
2006-12-22 05:14:10 · answer #9 · answered by 2007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since shes of age and does not live with you, you really cant do nothing. you can talk to her and tell her how you feel. but to tell you the truth, I doubt that would work. let her make all the mistakes, sooner or later she will learn from it. but you can always be there for her when she needs you.
2006-12-22 04:54:28 · answer #10 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋