I am really struggling with this one. I just found out, yesterday, that the relative who is insisting on hosting our traditional Christmas Eve has ordered everyone to bring their own meats for a barbecue! I'm already done shopping. I expected the hosting to be gracious and hospitable, like I and other are when we host. My husband and I feel really weird about this; there will undoubtedly be a variety of each-his-own fare, which striked me as potentially-uncomfortable. We feel like the menu is a message that it's all an inconvenience (and there's a history of the hostess being a self-centered beotch). We're thinking of declining to send the message with our actions, but it would hurt some feelings. Is this just me overly-projecting my opinions and wishes, or would you feel the same way? Any ideas on how to handle it?
2006-12-22 03:31:05 · 15 answers · asked by georgia b 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I need to add: This is a very well-off couple, multi-million-dollar home, plenty of room, etc.
2006-12-22 03:40:57 · update #1
bootsjeandnpearls: I thumbs-upped your anser but I need clarification. I sound like a ***** here (cool, if true; I'm just asking and maybe that's the problem :-)) or I would seem like a ***** if I took your advice? I do like your advice.
2006-12-22 03:44:46 · update #2
I would not like that at all either. If you bring something that takes a long time on the grill then dinner is held up for everyone.
However, she is the hostess and the hostess makes the plan for the day so you have 2 choices ( 1) go or ( 2 ) don't go.
If you enjoy the company of the others then by all means go and enjoy the socialization without feeling hurt. Just plan to be there all day.
You could go an socialize without bringing any meat and NOT stay for the dinner. By telling your hostess that you felt it would take too much time to bar-b-que as the guests arrived and you made plans for a different type meal you might get your point across. You do run the risk of coming across as a beotch yourself so that is your call on whether or not you want to take the risk.
Family fun at Christmas. : )
2006-12-22 03:39:08 · answer #1 · answered by bootsjeansnpearls 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You could always show up sans meat and explain that you are giving vegetarianism a try until the 25th. Then go ahead and gorge yourselves on the food provided by the hosts. ;)
It's very gauche for them to ask guests to bring their own meat. At this time of the year I suppose it comes down to whether the offense is greater than the desire to spend time with the other guests or vice versa.
If you decide not to attend, simply say you have other plans. It is Christmas and no need to cause further upset, but I would never invite the hosts to my home again.
And if you do go after all, enjoy yourselves, be gracious and fun, but I would never invite the hosts to my home again.
2006-12-22 12:20:10 · answer #2 · answered by castle h 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Christmas is a huge financial strain on every family. There is often a lot of pressure put on one person to host a get together and financially it is difficult. Feeding my family at Christmas time amounts to a bill of around $300-$400, by the time you supply appetizers, refreshment, main course and dessert. Not to mention having to make concessions for dietary needs.
Bringing your own meat is just like hosting a pot luck. It is a way to ease the financial burden of hosting a big holiday get together. I shouldn't let some arbitrary rule on etiquette put a damper on a family celebration, show up being you meat and have a good time. Be thankful that they are providing a place where you are able to get together with you family and celebrate the holiday season.
2006-12-22 11:58:44 · answer #3 · answered by smedrik 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last minute thing would bother me too.
When I host cook outs, it's a pot luck sort of thing. Everyone in my large family knows about it right from the start. Everyone chips in with a dish or meat because none of us can afford to feed all of us!
Is the relative going to provide everything else (side dishes, drinks, etc.)? Maybe they can't afford to provide everything, but there should have been some talk among your family first.
If your family tradition is for the host to provide the meal, then the relatives who decided to host it should follow suit.
I would go, but I'd make sure they didn't host next year's party.
2006-12-22 11:44:13 · answer #4 · answered by dark_firmament 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would attend and for a short time, since it is already established and planned. however, i agree with you on her ideas. And being on such short notice. Very rude on her part. If she wanted a barbecue she should have supplied the meat and had everything prepared and ready for the guests when they arrived. And just asked everyone to bring a covered dish or favorite dessert to share. She has some issues and is a terrible party planner in my opinion. I would prepare at home my dinner, and attend make an appearance take her some hamburgers to throw on the grill. And leave and go home and attend a decent holiday meal with my husband. God bless****
2006-12-22 12:46:28 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a real cheapskate. Usually if you go to a BBQ or any social affair you expect that the host or hostess is providing the main course. There's nothing saying you have to go. If a few people's feelings get hurt by you not going well that's their problem. It sounds more to me like this beotch is just hosting this whole thing as a "look at me" kind of thing to stoke her own ego.
2006-12-22 14:40:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there is a large amount of people coming to a get together and the host/hostess is providing the side dishes and the beverages and the home and whatnot I don't see a problem with a bring your own meat idea. I do that with my friends sometimes depending on the occasion. We all get together quite often and do it up potluck style. If they come to my house I make the sides and drinks and we all bring our own meat to bbq. Buying drinks is expensive. Buying meat is expensive. Buying things to make side dishes is expensive. If you don't like it don't go. If you think she should not have a party unless she can pay for everything so that you can go and enjoy yourself and stuff yourself for free then don't go. If you can afford to buy everything for a party then yay for you, not everyone can do that but they still like have get togethers. You sound to me like the self centered beotch as you put it because you don't want to make a quick trip to the store to buy some meat because you've already done your shopping. Stay home!
2006-12-22 11:44:45 · answer #7 · answered by freakyallweeky 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Christmas is about spending time with family so I would go. Just make sure you comment that you didn't like the idea of bringing your own meat. Try this.. Right when everyone is about to sit down and eat say" Well we know who can throw the best 4th of July party. Oh well I'll just have to host next year so I can have some oven roasted turkey like everyone likes at christmas. That will get her.
2006-12-22 11:37:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should go and buy your own meat but you're right...how RUDE! A dish to pass is one thing but bring your own meat is ridiculous. If others feel as you and your husband do then everyone will be wanting to host the event next year. We have a relative just like your so called hostess and it really gets my goat. Take something really difficult to cook...that will teach her.
2006-12-22 11:53:59 · answer #9 · answered by DeborahDel 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't and shouldn't matter how "well off" they are. It is their turn to host the party, and that is what they are expecting. Don't go if you don't want to.. but do you really wanna miss out on all the fun and seeing friends and family all over a piece of meat? people do things differently.. its a part of life..
2006-12-22 12:10:42 · answer #10 · answered by just_acali_girl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋