Not sure what to do....?

Question

Need Advice about brothers girlfriend?
Ok here is the story...my brother and I used to have a really tight and close relationship. He started dating this chic 6 years ago when my second son was born. Everything was fine until we all went camping one time. They got into a fight and she jumped at me (punched me 4 times, I never did anything, I have more respect than that plus she had been drinking alot) she told my brother that he had to pick between me and her. The fight was between the two of them. I wasnt involved at all until she shoved his head into our camper...then I said she needed to stop. Well he picked her and we didnt talk for about 4 or 5 months. Started talking again and then a year and a half ago kind of the same thing happened. He picked her again and we havnt talked for that long. Now this Christmas he decided to call me and we are all going to be in the same house again and she will be there....how should I act? I dont forgive either of them and I dont think I should.

Just too add a little bit to this....we are all in our 30's. He has never been married and she has been married, divorced and lost her kids. Why should I have to be the bigger person and let it go? I have dont it like three times now and I dont see why I should have too again. I will respect her because I dont want my boys to see me disrespect someone else but I dont want to be around her at all. Im just not sure what to do. We also own a farm and he is a very good looking man. He has said that he will never let her have part of the farm if they do get married. Im just so so confused about it. Its not like we are children.

Answer 1

well im only 18 years old. but this seemed very messed up to me. your brother is really messed up. first of all, family is everything. if that bratty woman decides to leave him he has nothing left but family. he made very wrong choices. i mean if she was a decent and good woman id understand that his choice would've been a little hard. but to choose somebody who treats his own sister like crap and even punches her in the face, over family, thats somebody who has his priorities messed up. he should know that if she behaves like that, and breaks family's apart for her own selfish motives, then she's no worth crap. life is going to make sure that he pays. what goes around comes around. i think its kind of inevitable. as for you, i completely understand that you feel like you have the right to still be mad and not just forgive them like that. i wouldn't like an ending with you and your brother not speaking any more for the rest of your lives. but if that should happen, remember that at some point your going to have to forgive in order to be able to move on with your life and let go of the pain. when you see her this Christmas try to act as if everything is ok. but is she decides to do something against you, defend yourself. because i understand that you wouldn't want your kids to see you in that kind of circumstance, but i believe that as a daughter i would be more hurt to see my mom treated like crap and for her not to stand up for herself. i hope i helped.

Answer 2

Don't go. It's time you let the pair of them see that you're not a doormat. By not going, your brother might realize what he's been putting you through and re-think his relationship with Cruella. Your boys will only see you as a strong person who knows when enough is enough. I've traveled the same path. My brother and I used to be really close until he married a mop-like creature, no personality, no sense of humor, and definitely no looks. She was so manipulative and because I could stand up to her, she encouraged my brother to stop seeing me. We haven't spoken for almost 3 years now, and although she was behind the bad feeling, my brother should have been a man and stood up to her. Know what? My life is so much easier now. I miss my bro at times, but not having her in my life is a pleasure. I hope your brother has the sense to choose family. Good luck with everything, but most important, don't worry and have a great Christmas with your kids

Answer 3

I really believe that you have to now what you can expect from people. Like in this case, don't go any where that you can't leave easily and don't go any where that there will be drinking. You obviously want to still have a relationship with you brother or you wouldn't be asking about what you should do. And I can understand that it really hurts that you brother picked her over you . However that was a really hard situation for him to be in. If he has never been married and been with the girl for 6 years it is probably pretty serious.The truth is that to keep a good relationship you will probably have to kiss his girlfriend's a** for, well the duration of there relationship.But who cares as longs as it like the situation where things get violent. When that happens you going to have to think of ways to calm every one down with out it seeming like any one is getting blamed for the fight.

You could do that or just not see your brother at all. But is that what you really want to do?"

Answer 4

Ok...well to start out with, you are being very very mature at handling this situation so far. Me, personally, I would have just hit her back (lol). But seriously, way to be a good example to your kids! If you realize that this lady has a temper/attitude problem, talk to your brother about it, just call him and talk about how you think she should behave around you. Make sure to talk to him before they come over though! I understand why you should be angry with your brother, but try to see it from his side...maybe he thinks that his relationship will work out? or maybe he just really really like her and thinks he can make her change? anyways, he's your brother and (turst me this is from experience....I have three brothers!!) you should forgive him, because he's probably the one you've spent your whole life with and you don't want to ruin a relationship that good! If you think his GF has a drinking problem, sign her up for rehab!! or at least talk to your brother and set some strict rules of how she is expected to behave when she it at your house. If those two have a relationship problem and you dont' think its going to work out cause they are always fighting or something, it is best not to get involved and let them work it out by them selves. If their fights are really bad, again let them work it out and don't let them come over becuase (and apparently this has happened twice to you before) something is gonna happen to you :)
Best of luck and wishes
Merry Chirstmas and a Happy New Year to You

Answer 5

First off, if someone physically attacks you or a member of your family - CALL THE POLICE!
Tell your brother he is welcome at Christmas but the protection order you've had to file (real or fake) means his girlfriend can't come. I don't know if this gathering is at your house or not, but if so you have NO obligation to welcome someone so insane. Then ask him when he can meet you at a lawyer's to tie up the farm so NO ONE he marries or their children can have any part of it. Do it immediately; if he chooses her over you now, he will do it again when she wants him to put her name on the deed. Lastly, offer to help him find a counselor to get over whatever it is in his life that makes him think he loves an abusive woman.

Answer 6

be 4 you go out 4 the holidays talk to your bother and tell him were you stand and that this matter need closer a.s.a.p. cuz it hurts when you cant have that relationship with him that you once had good luck and thank you 4 being the better person though all of this 4 the sake of the children you are more than a woman keep that in your mind

Answer 7

Well, first of all...someone should never have to be asked to choose between family / friends...I would have thought he would have chosen his family first...but oh well! I would simply tell my brother that if he and his friend are coming in for the holidays that you wish him the best but you will not be attending. That you can't be in the same room with someone who has disrespected you in the manner that she has! At least she owes you one hell of an apology and a heartfelt one at that...if this is done, then you should be the bigger one and deal with her...but if not, I wouldn't take any steps forward as you have done nothing to alienate your brother from yourself!

Answer 8

I would say that he needs to make the right choice and leave the chic. There is not really anything you can do. It seems like she does this every time you all hang out and he always pics her. Just let him know, when she is not around, how you feel about everything and that he will always be your brother.

Answer 9

I reckon Obama and that i additionally think of he has a stable risk of having the popular vote and being over the 50% mark, which hasn't been accomplished through yet another Democrat, when you consider that Carter have been given voted in as President in the mid 1970's. edit Rye....that replaced into very magnanamous comments from you approximately our youthful Danielle. She is extremely a vivid spark and poses some theory upsetting q's for her soft age. |I say "our Danielle" as she is a fellow uk'er and that i do like and appreciate her as a fellow YAnswerer and touch. Kudos to you the two!!!!

Answer 10

I cant really give you any advise except to tell your brother to move the farm in a family trust or pre nup so if they get married she is not entitled to it.
My mother-in-law slapped me 7 yrs ago and it has never worked itself out but i am still civil to the b****. My wife is worth it.