Awhile ago i found out my dad was cheating on my mom and i finally told her. They have been married for 20 yrs! and she is acting like its not a big deal. she says they talked about it and things are okay. BUT I am the one who found out, heard the convos, read text messages and etc!! im so hurt and feel like i cant ever be the same with him again! is it wrong of me not to get him anything even though my mom and everyone else is??
2006-12-22 02:35:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I understand your feelings completely. I am the one that found out my dad was cheating and told my mom. At first she filed for divorce, then changed her mind. In this process, my dad had a nervous break down and I am the one that had to take care of it all since my mom had filed for divorce. I even had to deal with the women he was cheating with.
I was not very nice to her. Or my dad. Since my parents reconciled, my dad and I did as well. I have forgiven him, as we are all human and make mistakes. Lord knows this was the huge one in his life. But, I have not forgotten.
I have also been on the other side of this. I was the wife that was cheated on. Twice. Again, I have forgiven but not forgotten. None of our children ever found out, but his 2 oldest daughters from his first marriage did. They were furious and vowed never to speak to him again. They do talk to him though because I told them that this was between their father and I. If I could get past it, then they defiantly could. I was the one that was cheated on, not them.
You need to try and look and it the same way. He cheated on your mom, not you.
I know that it is hard, but try for your families sake.
2006-12-22 03:01:31 · answer #1 · answered by D.M. C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom or show her. My dad cheated on my mom for two years. My sister and I knew the whole time, and we never said anything. When she found out it hurt me to know that I never told her and let it go on. Please do it for your mom, her feelings will be hurt, but she needs to know before it gets worse. Its painful, I know it is. My mom left my dad a month after I turned 18 and they hate eachother. I have had 2 babies, mom was the only one there. When I got married my parents refused to come to the wedding. Its just hard for everyone.
2016-03-29 03:42:02 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your father. He didn't have an affair to hurt you, and you are not the one to punish him.
Neither all men nor all women are monogamous. This is a fact, even if many religions do not admit it. Love and sex are not the same thing. It is not easy to love one person for a life, and even more difficult to love JUST that one person for life. You may come to realize this when you are 30 or 40, and then you will feel really bad when he is dead.
Anyone should be able to forgive anyone they love for anything, except perhaps a premeditated murder.
Buy him a nice present. Forgive him. Understand him . Rejoice at what a wonderful person your mother is.
2006-12-22 02:44:11 · answer #3 · answered by Richard E 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not feel obligated to give him a gift. You need time to heal and of course this is not just between your parents-- you have every right to be angry at him because you must love your mother very much and not want anyone to hurt her. I understand somewhat how hard it is to have someone you love be hurt and not stand up for themselves when they are being hurt by another person you love(d), and you feel like you need to stand up for them when no one is (including themselves). I think you have some time still to talk things out with your dad and mom. I don't think anyone has the right to tell you whether or not to get your dad a gift. you are really going to have to decide if you are READY to heal and patch things up with your dad. I certainly wouldn't blame you if you didn't at this point. May I also suggest you find a punching bag-- sounds like you have a lot of pent up anger over the whole situation. Helped me a lot when a similar situation happened.
2006-12-22 02:57:12 · answer #4 · answered by tigerlily22 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's not wrong. It's how you feel and feeligns aren't ever wrong. You need closure with him...even though it's ok with your Mom, you need to have a conversation with him. It's something he should have initiated with you, but since that may not happen (he may thing it's better to leave things alone), maybe you could talk to your Mom about it or another family member you trust who could let him know how you feel. Wait til after the holidays, but do try to have a talk with him. You need to get this out.
2006-12-22 02:38:56 · answer #5 · answered by samthecatrocks 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Though it may seem as if you understand the full situation, there is always the chance that you don't. If you really feel uncomfortable getting him a christmas present then don't. Maybe it will get you the attention you want and you, your father and your mother can sit down to talk about it.
2006-12-22 02:52:27 · answer #6 · answered by Earnesty_in_life 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a personal decision that you have to make yourself. If you do not get him anything, it would definitely send the message that you have not forgotten or forgiven him. So maybe that is a good thing. He needs to know that you lost respect for him and that he hurt his family.
2006-12-22 03:07:48 · answer #7 · answered by danika1066 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is really something to be talking to your mom about. Then if you really cannot find it in your heart to get him anything, don't.
2006-12-22 02:40:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would say yes. After all, even though it has deeply hurt you, it is between them.
2006-12-22 02:39:05 · answer #9 · answered by SAMMY 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
tell your mother about your dad cheating on your mom
2006-12-22 02:37:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋