My son's father recently checked himself into rehab, which is GREAT! (We are not together now and haven't been since before my son was born...) and my son is wants to spend Christmas with his Dad, but he can't. My son is 10, and his father does not want him to know. How do I handle the situation with tact and respect? I try not to be negative with my son at all about his dad.
2006-12-22 02:18:50 · 17 answers · asked by badneighborvt 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My husband was "unavailable" 2 christmas's ago. I told my son that he had a really important job he had to go do and he would be back as soon as he was finished. Anytime after that, until he came back, when my son would ask I would just remind him "daddy's at work" That worked for me. Good luck. (It might help to put a present under the tree from his dad and tell him that his dad sent with over night (with Santa if he still believes)
2006-12-22 02:23:25 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
This is a very sticky situation b/c without telling him why, your son will think his dad just doesn't want to spend Christmas with him. I applaud you for not being negative about his father. I think i would just tell him that his father has some prior obligations and won't be home for Christmas and that they can spend time together after he is done. He will probably ask what so be prepared with something. You can't say he's gone on a vacation. How long will he be in rehab- probably 28 days, huh? Does he know the dad has an addiction prob? If he does, it may be best to tell him- that way he knows dad is doing something progressive. Good luck though, wouldn't want to be in your situation.
2006-12-22 10:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by surelycoolgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your son is ten years old then he still truly enjoys the Christmas season. There is no reason to ruin it by talking about his dad's issues. Why don't you just tell him that Daddy has something he has to do and he can get out of it and that is why he can not be with him at Christmas, but reassure him that his father loves him very much and maybe even give him a gift that is "from his DAD". After Christmas, you should have your husband sit down with your son and tell him the truth when he gets out of rehab.
2006-12-22 10:30:25 · answer #3 · answered by angihorn2006 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Keeping this secret for a long time must have been really hard for you, i totally understand how you feel, your just trying to protect both people that you love, maybe its about time to learn to trust your son with the truth, though i know his dad wouldn't love the idea that you told him the truth but, its the only way.. of course a part of telling him the truth is explaining things to him one by one, why things turn out to be like this and why this has to happen, I'm sure your son is more intelligent that you can imagine, his mature enough to handle such situation but of course with you guidance, (if not now, when do you plan to admit the truth?) He has all the right in the world to know the truth... He deserves it...
2006-12-22 10:28:15 · answer #4 · answered by *Pretty Pink* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's brutal. I think you need to go with the "hospital" excuse. Tell your son that Dad's gonna be fine, but has to stay at the hospital during Christmas to get better. He can't go visit him there because Dad has to be isolated so he can get better. Commisserate with him, as to how terrible it is that Dad got sick around Christmas but that's life and he'll just have to wait until after the holidays, but pray/hope for Dad that he gets better soon.
Technically, this ain't far from the truth.
2006-12-22 10:23:06 · answer #5 · answered by none 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't ever lie to your child, because some-one else wants you to.
Always tell him the truth in words he can understand.
If you will keep to the facts, although they sound negative, it really isn't your responsibility. Fact are facts and therefor never lies! Only then you will show respect to your boy. Even if it will be negative for the other person. There is no other way. Because if you don't tell the truth to your son now, he will be upset and angry with you, when he becomes older and he finds out about this, after-all. Your responsibility in this case lies with your child only.
2006-12-22 10:45:31 · answer #6 · answered by Elize-Helen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let him know the truth. It may hurt but kids are lot more understanding than you would think. And what kid wouldn't want their father to get the help he needs so he can be a better person to everyone!! And then your son will probably get to see him alot more once he gets done!! Which is even a better gift. Good luck!!
2006-12-22 10:44:55 · answer #7 · answered by zackaryaha 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your Son that his father is giving him the best Christmas present of all because he decided to help himself so he can be a better father. Explain to him that this is something his father wanted to do for him for Christmas and it is the most special gift of all.
He is 10 and he sees and hears things you do not think he does. He knows and hiding it from him would be direspectful to him.
Being it is Christmas I could not think of a better Christmas present to give a child. Could you?
I wish him luck!
2006-12-22 10:23:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i would hate to lie to him but if your husband does not want him to know. just tell him that hes sorry but he had to go away for a while. on a business meeting or something, but my opinion i would tell him the truth, because sooner or later he will find out the reason why. and at the age of 10 he knows whats going on.you can tell him the truth but also tell your son that his dad loves him very much and he wants to get better for him and he needs help.and he needs both of your support on this.
2006-12-22 10:23:21 · answer #9 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth, its always the best policy. He isn't too young to understand and later in life he won't throw in your face you weren't honest with him...They have a way of remembering and resenting the truth.......bedsides why should you cover for your husband? Don't jeopardize your relationship with your son he isn't going to be 10 forever.....
2006-12-22 10:25:14 · answer #10 · answered by brown eyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋